Seeing Sophia (Part 3)

October 5th - Kimura Mirai 

A week had passed since I went to Sophias house late at night, but I couldn't forget what happened during our conversation. Today Kiyo told me she was visiting Suzukis place to celebrate his birthday and my husband was still at work, so I could leave the house without anyone knowing and find out what it all was about. Sophia did know more about why Yuto died and I refused to learn it in that moment, but I just couldn't stop thinking about it. I even talked to Kiyomi about it like I still had no doubt that the story about being in love messing with our abilities was the absolute truth.

I finally gave in and that evening drove back to the house. I really wished I could just burn it down and forget about everything. Not that it would have worked anyway. Not after Suzuki appeared. When I arrived at the house it was already dark and the scenery was the same when I went there last time. Only that it was even harder to face Sophia this time because I knew I was about to hear something that I would not like. Something that potentially could change my life and now I looked at the past 20 years quite drastically. My love for Yuto was something that always kept me going so if this was about to reveal something that would change that, I didn't know how I would deal with it. Maybe I just couldn't.

I rang the bell again and just like last time Sophia answered the door without much delay. When she opened the door I could see her smile. Apparently she knew right away why I was there.

“Come in Mirai, I was expecting you to visit me again.”

“Sorry to come over so late again, but I couldn't stop thinking about what you said before I left last time.” I didn't want to waste any time and just hear what she had to say.

“Lets sit down again.” Just like last time we sat down at the table and I folded my hands to avoid showing Sophia how much they were shaking.

“So you want me to tell you about why Yuto died?” Apparently she wanted to be done with it as well. I looked at her hands that laid flat on the table and I didn't notice any shaking.

“Yes, please. If you know something I don't, tell me.”

“Alright. I should say first that I can't prove to you what I'm about to say, but at the same time I'm very sure of it. Let me ask you this, the night before the battle that ended with Yutos death, did you visit him in his room?” Now my hands were visibly shaking even though I tried everything to suppress it.

“Yes, I did.”

“To tell him something?”

“Yes.”

“That's what I suspected. I'm going on a limb and say that you told him you love him.” Her words hit me harder than I expected, even though I had already feared that the conversation would go in this direction.

“Yes, I wanted to tell him before the battle so I didn't have any regrets in case something went wrong.”

“Those words must have caused some sort of averse reaction in Yuto that made it so you couldn't transfer Mana as well anymore. I suspect he didn't give you an answer right away?” How did she know that?

“No, he said he would tell me after everything was over. I begged him to give me an answer right away, but he wouldn't budge. So I finally accepted it.”

“And what answer did you expect?” Sophia looked me directly in the eyes as she asked me this. There was no escaping this now.

“I always thought our feelings were mutual.”

“I think you already know what is coming, but seeing what happened the next day, I don't think that was the case.” Sophia said these words like they were nothing that special, but inside of me my whole world broke apart after she said that one sentence. Even though I had already feared that she would say something like this, hearing her actually say it out loud felt so much worse than just thinking about it in abstract.

“So, you are saying he wasn't in love with me?” My voice sounded very weak, but I felt even weaker. It was like all strength had left my body. Maybe it was my soul that had escaped my body just now. I never knew what people meant when they said someone seemed like the husk of their former self, but now I knew what that was like.

“Yes, just that. As you know the connection between a Sun and a Moon is getting better and better the closer the two are. But I also told you that being in love would sabotage that connection. But from all I know that's not actually the case. Being in love would mean the ultimate connection and should make you stronger and not weaker. But Yuto didn't feel the same way and as a reaction to your confession something inside of him must have broken and the connection between the two of you was severely damaged.” She said that in the same neutral tone of voice as before. Was she not aware how much this was hurting me? But then something inside of me clicked and I got very angry.

“So are you saying this was all my fault? That your son just died because of my actions?”

“I never said that, didn't I.” Sophias voice suddenly sounded very cold. Did I hit the nail on the head?

“Your tone of voice makes it very clear that you do think it.”

“You couldn't know any of this, so I can't blame you. And I didn't know whether you actually said what I thought you said and frankly, I didn't want to know either.” Now Sophia wasn't even looking my way and she sounded emotional for the first time this evening.

“I'm sorry.” It was all I could think of saying.

“That doesn't bring him back.” I stared at Sophia after she said that. She still didn't even look my way. Then I jumped up and ran out of the house and got into my car. I just wanted to get away from that terrible house with that terrible woman in it.