Chapter 17:

Beginning

Traumata: Relapse

Content Warning: The following two chapters (Beginning - Darkness) show depictions of severe child abuse, including sensory deprivation, psychological manipulation/gaslighting, starvation, physical violence and graphic death from the view of the victim. If those topics are too sensitive, please skip ahead to chapter "Love".

Someone hugging me.

A loud crashing noise making my ears bleed.

Endless masses of water flooding my lungs.

Those were the very first memories I had, sure to haunt me for the rest of my life.

The next thing I knew, I was being carried somewhere on a stretcher. I tried moving, but realized tight restraints clamping down on my body.

I was cold, and wet. The engine of a helicopter began spinning up, with me as the only passenger, fixed to the ground.

It was dark around me, the middle of night. Any faces I could see were entirely blurred in my vision.

A slight pressure pressed me to the ground even further for a brief moment. The helicopter had taken off.

I fainted not long after, still freezing.

A loud thud woke me back up, my vision slightly cleared.

The doors of the helicopter were torn open with immediacy. I was hauled away from the floor, still restrained to the stretcher.

“Is she awake? Alive?” The man held a flashlight at my eyes, checking for a reaction. I tried blinking, but he held my eyelids open.

“Beautiful, those eyes. A completely black iris. Alright, ready the equipment.” He hurried away, while I was carried inside the building.

The intervals between the lights above and the cold, dark concrete sped up, we were moving faster. No matter how much I struggled, I couldn’t move an inch.

A bright light suddenly shone into my eyes, several masked people surrounding me. A few seconds later, I could feel a sharp prickle in my arm, before I fainted again.

I awoke in a dimly lit room, reclined on an uncomfortable bed. There were no restraints laid on me anymore, so I immediately jumped down. I slipped on the glistening floor immediately, my head crashing into the floor. Where were my parents? Shouldn’t they be here too? I felt incredibly dizzy all of a sudden.

The heavy steel door of the room creaked open very slowly, the same man that had held the flashlight entering it, before the door closed behind him.

“Hey there, you. Can you tell me your name?” He knelt down, gently helping me get back up on my feet. Careful now, you could hurt yourself. The floor around here even gets seasoned veterans like myself sometimes, no worries.”

“W… Where are my parents? Where’s mommy and daddy? They were both hugging me, but then it was all wet around me, and they weren’t there anymore.” I stuttered.

“I’ll tell you. But first, can you tell me your name? I’m Doctor Wada, but you can call me Satoru.”

“I’m Yuri. Do you know my parents?”

“Yes I do, honey. They told me to watch out for you while they are gone. You see, they had to go to a special place where children aren’t allowed, so they hugged goodbye to you until they could come back. And how old are we, Yuri?”

“I’m three!” I proudly proclaimed.

“Wow, you’re so big for three years. Your parents probably always tell you how proud of you they are, right?”

“Sometimes.”

“Did that feel good?”

“Yes, it did. They were always tickling me while they said it.”

“You know, Yuri, that’s actually really bad. Pride is actually a sin, do you know what that means? It means that your parents actually didn’t like you.”

“B…

But…

They always said that they love me. That’s not true!”

“Yes it is, Yuri dear. Actually, they told me that they can’t stand being around you. That’s why they left.”

“You’re lying, mister. My parents do love me!”

“If they truly did, then where are they right now? You don’t know, do you? That’s because they left you behind. They hate you, Yuri.”

“No! My parents love me! You’re a bad person, mister Satoru! You don’t know them!”

“Alright. We’ll continue this conversation tomorrow. You’ll understand by then, I’m sure. If your parents really loved you, they’d get you out of here, right?”

As the door opened and the evil man started leaving, I clung onto his right leg, scratching it repeatedly.

I felt an instant response impacting my skull.

“Ungrateful brat.” He yelled, shaking me off of his leg in my dizzy state.

As soon as he left, the room turned pitch black.

I banged against the door for hours, with no response from the other side.

“Let me out of here! Where are my parents?” I yelled, until my lungs gave out.

An eternity had passed within the room, with only a small red lamp above the toilet creating any light.

By the time the door had opened again, I couldn’t even think anymore.

The bright light from behind the door nearly burned my retinas as the evil man returned. My lips had formed into one large crust, the only source of water being barely within my reach and always spilling on my entire body when I turned the valve.

The lights inside the room immediately shot back on.

“Come to your senses yet? I bet you’re hungry. It’s been seven days after all. Sorry for the delay, I had other business to attend to.”

He held a bar of something vaguely edible toward me. I reached for it once, but he pulled back his arm.

“Only if you promise to behave. A nod is enough.”

I reluctantly nodded and grabbed the mushy bar from his hands.

It tasted terrible, and I spit it out after the first bite.

“No, don’t do that. You need to swallow it. Good girls eat what they’re given. And you just promised to behave, did you not? I can just leave again; that’s fine by me.”

I devoured the rest of the suspicious bar as he told me, accepting that I really did need to eat something to even think.

“Now, where did we end off last time? Right, your parents. Have they come by so far? I don’t think so. Proves my point, doesn’t it?”

Is he right? Mommy and daddy would never, or would they? No.

No.

No!

“Come on now, we both know it. They left you, all alone. They gave you to a bad man like me. If they really loved you, would the really allow that? Haven’t they made you suffer enough yet? Accept it. They hated you. There was not a single morsel of love within them.”

Is he right? They aren’t here. So he’s right. They really don’t love me. They hate me?

They hate me.

My parents hate me.

They left me alone with an evil person, they’re evil.

“Go ahead, I know you want to say it. Scream it, if you must.”

“My parents hate me…” I whispered.

“What? I couldn’t hear you. Could you repeat that?”

“My parents hate me.” I slightly raised my voice.

“Louder.”

“My parents hate me.”

“I still can’t hear you. Didn’t I just tell you to scream?”

“My parents hate me! My parents hate me! My parents hate me!”