Shut (G)

It was one of those loud days—the kind where you knew there wouldn’t be any peace for that night. School was still happening, noise or not, but no amount of earplugs could stop it, and I couldn’t sleep. Then again, maybe this was a good thing. If I couldn’t get rest, I should practice my singing!

“Ms. Bangle,” Jasper snapped, “Move to a different topic, please.”

I was surprised he was this calm given how furious he looked. The hand still holding mine was gripped tight—not enough to hurt, but at that point where you knew there was no getting out of it any time soon. Even without that, the expression on his face just screamed ‘you better lay off my girl or I’ll make you regret it’. Well, it wasn’t like Jasper would attack anyone, but a verbal beat-down would be satisfying.

“I apologize. I was just trying to set the record straight.” Could she sound any more fake? “I’ve heard a lot of different things.”

“But if you’re sure, we can talk about something else.” She turned to Jasper. “I actually have a question for you, now.”

He frowned. “Shoot.”

“How much do you value family?”

“Goddamnit, Grace!” came my ‘mother’, “Shut the fuck up!”

“A lot,” Jasper answered, skeptical. “Why?”

“Do you think you get along with yours?”

I didn’t know what she had planned, but I felt like we should leave. I was an idiot to even consider the idea that she’d changed, that she wouldn’t pull the same shit again just for views. When I tried to get up though, Jasper stopped me. Part of me was irritated, but another piece understood that, if we left now, the media would have a field day.

“Most days,” Jasper said cautiously, and a stab went through my heart as I remembered that those bad few were because of me.

Ivy’s smile grew big, just like it had the day I had stupidly agreed to her impromptu questions. The grin had only grown wider as I tried to dodge any bad answers on whether I was, in fact, against Kilson Caine in some way. Then I slipped up, and my ass was on the front page the next morning.

We walked right into her trap.

“Maybe it’ll be better to just ask them.”

The biggest bitch on the reporters’ block turned to the camera. “Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce Lacy and Camila Pastier!”

What the actual fuck was this woman on right now?! She invites Jasper—and me—to her little parade, we play along, and she shoves his parents into the fray? It was almost like she knew they weren’t on good terms, but who the hell would have—

“What are you guys doing here?!” Jasper asked.

“A mother can’t see her son while he’s working?” Camila turned to Ivy. “Thank you for having us, dear.”

After the dinner debacle, they were surprisingly quick to get comfortable. Lacy sat herself on my right with her phone out like a college hangout, minding her own business. Camila, however, made a point to shove herself between me and Jasper. It was such a petty move that I felt foolish for wanting to impress her shallow ass.

“Thank you for being here,” Ivy replied. “I know you haven’t gotten along with your son, as of late. Tell me about that.”

“Yes,” Camila sighed dramatically. “It truly wasn’t a big debacle—I only asked a question. But, even after all that, family will always be family, won’t it?”

“Seriously, Grace!” snapped my biggest tormentor. “You sound like a dying horse. What makes you think you can sing?!”

I held her tighter. Maybe her fur could protect me from the woman who should have loved me most. I knew better than to talk back to my mother. The last time I’d tried, I hadn’t paid the price, and I wasn’t going to let her be hurt again.

That was one thing I was sure of, at least.

“Why are we even here for this shit?” Jasper stood up in anger. “You and I both know you’re lying out of your ass!”

“Sir Jasper Paladin Pastier!” There was the full name, and I didn’t need to be looking at Jasper to know how much it ticked him off to hear it used.

“What, mom?” He snapped. “I’m not a kid anymore! You can’t just use that stupid name and expect me to agree with you!”

“Stupid?! It’s sophisticated!”

“It’s ridiculous!” I’d never seen him this worked up. “I’m not a fucking knight!”

“No,” Camila agreed. “A knight would have respect.”

“HEY!!!” Did she ever stop yelling? “Look at me, brat!”

She was getting scared, squirming in my grip. If I let her go, would she come back to me? No, as long as mother didn’t notice her, she would be okay. My best friend made her way out of my arms, her tail tickling my skin as she left. I couldn’t stop the giggle that came out, and horror filled me.

“You think this is funny?” she snapped. “You kids don’t respect anyone but yourselves, do you?”

What was I doing thinking about the past when Jasper needed me now? If I let this escalate, it would just become another highlight to Ivy’s damn story. But who was I to butt into their family business? Then again, Shawn had called me one of their own at the dinner, so maybe it was okay?

“How did you know to come here in the first place?”

Lacy held up her phone. “We got a text from some random number. They said they’d take us and everything.”

“And you believed them?” Jasper sighed. “Lacy, that was a very dangerous thing to do!”

“Oh, but not for me, I suppose,” Camila said. “You don’t care for your mother, is that it?”

“No, mom.” Jasper was all placating gestures. “It’s just—”

“You’re a grown-ass woman,” I scoffed. “You should know better than to trust strangers.”

“Oh, you think this is funny? I’ll give you something to laugh at.”

“You think I’m a joke, do you? Let’s see if you’re still laughing once I’m done with you.”

If this bitch was reminding me of my demons, then she must not be too far off that mark. In a way, it was funny to see such a ‘sophisticated’ and ‘composed’ woman losing her shit like this, yet I knew we had to bail before things got worse. Our public image was far from worth dealing with this shit.

And I wasn’t a dormat anymore.

She was getting closer to the door. If I could keep mother’s attention for a little longer, she could escape. But it was so hard to do anything when my mom was looking at me like that. Nothing good ever came of that expression.

“The only thing worth laughing at is your pitiful excuse for drama bait,” I said. “No matter what you say, Jasper is his own man, and he’s a far better person than you could ever be.”

“Cute, honey.” She crossed her arms. “But you can’t take care of my son.”

“Bitch, I’m more successful than you were ‘taking care’ of your son’.” I rolled my eyes. “I’ve got a good job, wonderful boyfriend and, to top it all off, I scored the basic human decency you lost being a money hungry excuse for a mother.”

“Jasper! Are you really going to let her talk to me like that?”

Shit, had I gone too far? I was just so angry that she would try to cause trouble for her son that I forgot she was his mother! Would Jasper be mad at me over this? Was this the thing that would push him over the edge? I couldn’t stand the thought of him leaving me when so many others had gone before him.

“Ugh, you still have that thing around?”

I was very careful with my mom. When she had destroyed the Thanksgiving turkey in a fit of rage, I hadn’t said a word. When dad left us because she was so abusive and the court said I had to stay with her, not a peep left my lips.

But even I had my limits.

“Mom, do you even hear yourself?” Jasper sighed. “You walk in, crash the interview, and then proceed to act like the damn hero! You can’t talk to Grace like that and expect me to be on your side!”

“This girl isn’t good enough for you! She can’t even spare a few dollars for her in-laws!” Her eyes narrowed on me. “And from what I’ve heard, she can’t even take care of a cat!”

“She’s not a thing!” I yelled. “Her name is Mittens!”

“Fine, ‘Mittens’. Get your ass over here.”

Why was she calling my sweetie over? Most of the time, she just ignored the kitty. I tried to tell her not to go—that it was a trap of some kind—but I couldn’t speak. Yet as my anxiety mounted, my mom only gave her a pat on the head.

“See? I’m petting your brat.” She said. “Now shut up!”

“That’s it! We’re leaving!” Jasper snapped. “Don’t call me after this shit.”

“I’m your mother!” She tried to run after her son as we left.

“Mom! Stop!” Lacy said, grabbing Camila’s hand. “You’ve done enough. Let’s just do the interview like we agreed, okay?”

I didn’t hear anything else as Jasper pulled me out. For someone who wasn’t a knight, he was rather chivalrous. As we walked, I could see the production people eye us with sympathy. I counted one, two, three, four, five crew members. Distantly, I heard four voices whispering about us, sympathy lacing their tones. Three foods were tempting me with their scent, reminding me that I hadn’t eaten in a while, two of which I could practically taste already. I focussed on Jasper’s hand in mine as we exited the building.

That place was a lot, but I was doing better already as the wind caressed my dress. I had chosen a simple yellow to match my eyes. Jasper, meanwhile, looked great in the jacket I’d picked for him. It didn’t look like the outfit matched his feelings as he paced around, muttering under his breath. As his girlfriend, I should hold him, and I definitely wouldn’t mind breathing him in, so I went up to him.

Crack!

“MITTENS!” I screamed, running to her with tears already forming.

It wasn’t real. I wasn’t there.

“Oh, it’s not that big of a deal,” my mother was saying. “It’s just a cat.”

No, it’s just a wall. Jasper punched a wall. Everything was okay, but why wasn’t my brain listening?

“Please get up, Mittens,” I sobbed. “Please don’t leave me. . .”

“Gracie!” Jasper grabbed my shoulders. “Dancer, talk to me!”

I couldn’t answer him, not when my mind was reminding me of what I’d done. If I hadn’t yelled at my mom, she wouldn’t have slammed that door. I wanted to hold my girl for real, not just her broken body. Why wasn’t she answering me? She was always perking her head when she saw me. No, no, no! If I’d known me singing was going to lead to this, I would have just kept my mouth shut.

Singing.

Yeah, this was the perfect time to sing! I hadn’t felt this agonized in ages, and it would be a dishonor to my fans if I didn’t capitalize on this opportunity. I just had to work through it, just like my therapist said. Part of me felt like this wasn’t what she’d meant when she said ‘face your problems head-on’, but who cared as long as it got me results? If I just kept working, I could do something. So I’ll just keep working forever.

Even if it hurt.

Even if Jasper looked terrified for me.

Even if it killed me.