Chapter 1:
Nobody Wins
All Nights Are Sundays
“You sure this is gonna work?”
“Pretty sure.”
“Pretty sure? You’re the one who wrote it.”
“I only thought about the place, sorry I didn’t bother thinking about which exact part of the place. Just throw them already.” She said, with the hands on her knees, slightly bent over, looking down at the forest below the hill we were standing on. “…Hey… how high is this thing?”
“Does it matter?” I asked while taking stuff out of my backpack. “It’s not like it’s gonna hurt or anything.”
“I know, dumbass, I just wanted… I don’t know… to switch topics, you know, avoid the drama.” She brought her finger to her lip and stared at me for a few seconds. “Although the idea of seeing you cry because of me is kinda exciting.”
“As if I would.” I said, standing up straight and walking to the edge next to her.
“I think you already did. For a pretty long time.”
“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that. Alright… you ready?”
“Yup!”
“Remember what you promised. No—”
“I know, I know, no cheesiness, no extra words, I’ve got it mentally written down. Come on, throw them.”
I looked at her for a while without saying anything, without really thinking anything. In that moment I just wanted to look at her, to burn something a little deeper into my head.
“Do you think… you could come visit me from time to time?” I asked while unscrewing the urn. The squeak of the lid sounded like the only noise on the whole mountain. Not even the wind moving the leaves made a sound.
“Nope.”
“Heh… figured you’d say something like that… well… I guess…”
“Hey.”
“Yeah, I know, I was about to say something corny and stupid.” I said, letting the ashes fall from the edge of the mountain. “This is it then.” I sat on the ledge while watching the gray dust disappear into the distance.
“And damn, it took you long enough to get here… I told you a thousand times, buy a fucking GPS…”
“You’re not even gonna stop nagging me now that you’re dead?” I asked, letting out a small laugh. “Still… it was a fun trip, in a way.”
“It was the shittiest trip ever, Otaru.”
“Haa… yeah, honestly it was. Though I think I learned one or two things about camping.”
“Hey…”
“Yeah?”
“Why am I still here?”
“Huh? No idea. Shouldn’t you be the expert on that kind of stuff? I’m not the dead one.”
“Hey, don’t start with that.”
“How can I not? You wrote that twisted last wish straight out of some cheap soap opera. We did it. Now vanish or whatever, like in the movies.” I said, waving my hand.
“Sorry for having a shitty taste in movies then.” She said, crossing her arms like an offended teenager. “Though… yeah, this is taking longer than expected...”
“Uh-huh.” I answered, getting a bit lost watching the sun go down. “Push harder or something. Try to fly away, I don't know…”
I laid back on the grass and even though my eyes were heading toward the trees, I couldn’t help noticing how hard she was staring at me, like she was throwing knives with her eyes.
“Otaru…”
“Ugh… what now?”
“What were you thinking about during the trip?”
“Does it matter?”
“What were you thinking when you dropped the ashes?”
“I repeat: does it matter?”
“Otaru.” She said, bringing her face close to mine.
“Okay… I think I get where you’re going with this…”
I sat up again, stretched my back a little and started putting things back in the backpack. It was too dark to go down the mountain now, so inevitably I was going to have to camp again.
Gotta say, camping in a cemetery had never been on my bucket list though.
“You gonna answer?” she asked again, stepping right in front of me as if that could actually stop me from walking.
“I just thought it’d be nice if… you know…”
“No, I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.”
“Ah, damn it. If you won’t leave, there. Question answered. Happy?”
“OF COURSE I’M NOT HAPPY! Fucking braindead. It’s always the same with you. You say one thing and something completely different is happening inside.”
“Oh great, post-mortem argument. Did you seriously expect me to be okay with you disappearing?” I said, grabbing my backpack and taking a few steps.
“Great. Just great. Now you’re gonna leave me talking to myself?” She said, trying to kick a pile of leaves. “You have no idea how much you piss me off.”
“Yeah, believe me, I have a pretty good idea. Remember when you threw that glass at my head?”
“Oh come on! That was one time… you’re making me sound like some violent person.”
“Always being a bratty asshole eh…” I muttered, starting to walk again. “You coming or are you gonna stay there waiting for something to happen?”
“You’re not gonna try anything else?”
“What the hell do you think I am, some goddamn Buddhist monk? How should I know about this stuff? All I know is that the best thing to do right now is find a decent spot to set up the tent.”
“Ah… now I get it… yeah…” She finally said, starting to walk behind me. Her footsteps made no sound on the leaves, but I could still see her swaying from side to side in that mocking walk of hers. “This is just another way to make me stay, isn’t it? Wow… those ‘I love yous’ really were straight out of the movies then.”
“Pretty sure.”
“Pretty sure? You’re the one who wrote it.”
“I only thought about the place, sorry I didn’t bother thinking about which exact part of the place. Just throw them already.” She said, with the hands on her knees, slightly bent over, looking down at the forest below the hill we were standing on. “…Hey… how high is this thing?”
“Does it matter?” I asked while taking stuff out of my backpack. “It’s not like it’s gonna hurt or anything.”
“I know, dumbass, I just wanted… I don’t know… to switch topics, you know, avoid the drama.” She brought her finger to her lip and stared at me for a few seconds. “Although the idea of seeing you cry because of me is kinda exciting.”
“As if I would.” I said, standing up straight and walking to the edge next to her.
“I think you already did. For a pretty long time.”
“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that. Alright… you ready?”
“Yup!”
“Remember what you promised. No—”
“I know, I know, no cheesiness, no extra words, I’ve got it mentally written down. Come on, throw them.”
I looked at her for a while without saying anything, without really thinking anything. In that moment I just wanted to look at her, to burn something a little deeper into my head.
“Do you think… you could come visit me from time to time?” I asked while unscrewing the urn. The squeak of the lid sounded like the only noise on the whole mountain. Not even the wind moving the leaves made a sound.
“Nope.”
“Heh… figured you’d say something like that… well… I guess…”
“Hey.”
“Yeah, I know, I was about to say something corny and stupid.” I said, letting the ashes fall from the edge of the mountain. “This is it then.” I sat on the ledge while watching the gray dust disappear into the distance.
“And damn, it took you long enough to get here… I told you a thousand times, buy a fucking GPS…”
“You’re not even gonna stop nagging me now that you’re dead?” I asked, letting out a small laugh. “Still… it was a fun trip, in a way.”
“It was the shittiest trip ever, Otaru.”
“Haa… yeah, honestly it was. Though I think I learned one or two things about camping.”
“Hey…”
“Yeah?”
“Why am I still here?”
“Huh? No idea. Shouldn’t you be the expert on that kind of stuff? I’m not the dead one.”
“Hey, don’t start with that.”
“How can I not? You wrote that twisted last wish straight out of some cheap soap opera. We did it. Now vanish or whatever, like in the movies.” I said, waving my hand.
“Sorry for having a shitty taste in movies then.” She said, crossing her arms like an offended teenager. “Though… yeah, this is taking longer than expected...”
“Uh-huh.” I answered, getting a bit lost watching the sun go down. “Push harder or something. Try to fly away, I don't know…”
I laid back on the grass and even though my eyes were heading toward the trees, I couldn’t help noticing how hard she was staring at me, like she was throwing knives with her eyes.
“Otaru…”
“Ugh… what now?”
“What were you thinking about during the trip?”
“Does it matter?”
“What were you thinking when you dropped the ashes?”
“I repeat: does it matter?”
“Otaru.” She said, bringing her face close to mine.
“Okay… I think I get where you’re going with this…”
I sat up again, stretched my back a little and started putting things back in the backpack. It was too dark to go down the mountain now, so inevitably I was going to have to camp again.
Gotta say, camping in a cemetery had never been on my bucket list though.
“You gonna answer?” she asked again, stepping right in front of me as if that could actually stop me from walking.
“I just thought it’d be nice if… you know…”
“No, I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.”
“Ah, damn it. If you won’t leave, there. Question answered. Happy?”
“OF COURSE I’M NOT HAPPY! Fucking braindead. It’s always the same with you. You say one thing and something completely different is happening inside.”
“Oh great, post-mortem argument. Did you seriously expect me to be okay with you disappearing?” I said, grabbing my backpack and taking a few steps.
“Great. Just great. Now you’re gonna leave me talking to myself?” She said, trying to kick a pile of leaves. “You have no idea how much you piss me off.”
“Yeah, believe me, I have a pretty good idea. Remember when you threw that glass at my head?”
“Oh come on! That was one time… you’re making me sound like some violent person.”
“Always being a bratty asshole eh…” I muttered, starting to walk again. “You coming or are you gonna stay there waiting for something to happen?”
“You’re not gonna try anything else?”
“What the hell do you think I am, some goddamn Buddhist monk? How should I know about this stuff? All I know is that the best thing to do right now is find a decent spot to set up the tent.”
“Ah… now I get it… yeah…” She finally said, starting to walk behind me. Her footsteps made no sound on the leaves, but I could still see her swaying from side to side in that mocking walk of hers. “This is just another way to make me stay, isn’t it? Wow… those ‘I love yous’ really were straight out of the movies then.”
I stopped dead and took a couple steps back toward her. “Don’t even joke about that. Understood?”
“Huh? Come on, I was just—”
“Bullshit. Just shut up.”
“I-I’m sorry… I just wanted to take some of the weight off all this…”
“I hate when you do that…” I said, turning around again.
Because of all this, it looked like, much to my distress, was going to end up camping right in the middle of this cemetery. “I’m sorry too… just… just give me a little more time.” I said, opening my backpack once more and taking things out. “Honestly… I think I’m kinda scared…”
“Scared? Of the place? You’re literally looking at a ghost and you’re scared of being in a cemetery?” She asked, looking around as if expecting to see something.
I stayed quiet. Placed the stakes far from the actual burial area, tied the rope to a nearby tree. Pretty improvised, but considering I was doing it on the spot, I think it turned out decent.
“If I think about it too much…” I murmured while breaking some branches for the fire, “…I think I’m scared that the moment is never gonna come.”
“The moment?”
“Yeah, you know what I mean… Honestly, I don’t think the moment where I’m at peace with you disappearing is ever gonna come…”
Night had fallen. The air was slightly cold and after my words, the only sound left on the mountain was the snapping of the branches I was breaking.
“Huh? Come on, I was just—”
“Bullshit. Just shut up.”
“I-I’m sorry… I just wanted to take some of the weight off all this…”
“I hate when you do that…” I said, turning around again.
Because of all this, it looked like, much to my distress, was going to end up camping right in the middle of this cemetery. “I’m sorry too… just… just give me a little more time.” I said, opening my backpack once more and taking things out. “Honestly… I think I’m kinda scared…”
“Scared? Of the place? You’re literally looking at a ghost and you’re scared of being in a cemetery?” She asked, looking around as if expecting to see something.
I stayed quiet. Placed the stakes far from the actual burial area, tied the rope to a nearby tree. Pretty improvised, but considering I was doing it on the spot, I think it turned out decent.
“If I think about it too much…” I murmured while breaking some branches for the fire, “…I think I’m scared that the moment is never gonna come.”
“The moment?”
“Yeah, you know what I mean… Honestly, I don’t think the moment where I’m at peace with you disappearing is ever gonna come…”
Night had fallen. The air was slightly cold and after my words, the only sound left on the mountain was the snapping of the branches I was breaking.
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