Healing

My mother was the first to greet me, sobbing with joy. My father was right behind her, clapping me on the back for my heroic efforts. But I didn’t feel like a hero carrying Kitsune like a sack of flour. How could I celebrate when even my best friend had lost her smile? That didn’t stop my parents from making a meal so wonderful that even in my current state of mind, I had to appreciate it. Then my mom offered orange juice and the memories returned.

Naoki had to have noticed how quiet I was as we made our way to the orphanage. Many times, I greeted him with a smile and some random fact about toys. Do you know how much money the company lost after Ballerina Ben? This toy is in the League of Extraordinary Playthings—that’s cool, right?

“So,” Naoki said awkwardly, “What are you going to do with the kids?”

“Whatever feels right.”

I didn’t feel anything at the moment, not with Kit still laying in my arms, dejected. Part of me thought it was strange. No matter what had happened—oranges, loss, insanity—I was okay. It wasn’t like I’d lost Kit, so why did my passion feel so far away?

It didn’t help that the scenery was as happy as I felt. The Advocates had been onto something with the housing problems. Many portions of the houses were long gone—rotting wood, broken windows—but there was something to be said for certain portions of that porch, or the door on that home. Maybe if Taihen hadn’t been led by a deranged lunatic, some real change could have been made.

Given all that, the orphanage was brighter than I thought it’d be, but the outside was where it truly shined. It was absolutely covered in greenery, the shine of which told me it was a Fibermental’s work. They didn’t last very long compared to normal flowers, so the fact that they were in such good condition said they were tended to regularly.

“Hoshino Riku!” a woman greeted me at the door. “Welcome, and thank you for taking time out of your day for this.”

She frowned at Naoki. “And you are?”

“His friend.” Naoki gave one of his signature smiles. “I’m just here to lend a hand.”

“Wonderful! Let me show you to the children.”

I don’t know what I expected—a group of sad kids dressed in rags, eagerly peering at me in hopes that I could bring them to a better life, maybe—but these little ones looked completely normal. Many of them saw me, then ignored me in favor of whatever they were working on. Some had name tags, though—probably new children.

“Hey, everyone!” the woman said cheerily. “This is Riku, the one I was telling you about. I think you’ll like his ability very—”

“Mister Toy Man!”

I knew that voice. Why did I know that voice?

“Sayuri!” the woman chided her. “It’s not nice to interrupt people while they’re talking!”

My eyes widened. “Sayuri?!”

But she’d been living with her aunt on the other side of the city! I had personally ensured that she had somewhere to stay before I left. Had her own relatives not wanted her, and what about her mom? The events of that day played through again. If she hadn’t survived, were they at least able to find her? I remembered the blackened something I’d seen on the sixth floor. Forces, no—

“You remember me!” Her smile was gold in the face of gray.

“Of course I do,” I said. “How could I ever forget someone as sweet as you?”

“Sayuri, honey.” The woman knelt to face her. “Let’s let me finish introducing him and then you can all play, okay?”

“Okay, Ms. Mina.”

“Alright, then.” Ms. Mina stood up. “This is Riku and he’s a soldier in the army.”

“Woah, really?”

“Do you think he’d teach me swordfighting?”

“Settle down, kids.” Ms. Mina was really good with them. “Actually, there’s something else about him I think you’ll find cool. Riku, can you show them your ability?”

I’d expected this, but I still wasn’t sure what to make. As impressive as my toys were, I didn’t really have control of them. I was sure they would love to see giant marbles roll around the room, but I couldn’t stop it if one decided to introduce a child with the wall. Ben was impressive, yet I had no idea if he would start another fire.

“Do the kitty again, toy man!”

Sayuri’s suggestion sounded safe, but what if the little guy decided to scratch one of the kids? It made me realize how reckless I had been with my gift, unwilling to recognize its own limits. During any one of my summons, things could have gone horribly wrong—marble murder, arson... But they hadn’t. Maybe some fun came with risk, like a headshot in a ball game. Then this would be okay, right?

Nyao!

“WHAT is that?”

“Is it real?”

Sayuri planted herself facing the others. “This is a lucky cat! It’s one of the toys my friend can make!”

The little being looked around for but a second before it found a friend: a little boy huddled in the corner. In seconds, he was coaxed out by the kitty, cuddling her close. Tears streamed down his face as he clutched her like the anchor of his being. He had to be old enough to know she wouldn’t last forever, so why was he so attached to her?

“That’s so cool!”

“I want one!”

“What else can you make?”

From there, it was a showcase of some of my classics. One group got kaleidoscopes, peering through them like pirates forging through another world. The next got special dolls, different from Ben, who could transform into pretty superheroes—magical girls, I think they called them. A third got water guns with the promise that they played outside. When the smoke had cleared, it was just me and Sayuri, with Naoki having gone to help a kid who had somehow injured himself with a stick.

“Riku?” Sayuri asked. “What are you holding?”

I looked down at Kit. I’d hoped she would become more lively in a room filled with laughter, but nothing had changed. I was out of ideas, and I didn’t like the prospect of her being stuck like this forever.

“This is my friend Kit,” I explained. “She’s not having a good day, so she isn’t going to play today.”

“Why not?”

I looked ahead, seeing nothing. “Something really bad happened to her. Right now, she needs space to feel okay again.”

“Oh, I understand.” She surprised me by going in front of Kit. “I had something really bad happen to me, too. Every night, I wish the bad thing hadn’t happened to me, and I wished that when tomorrow came, my mommy would come back and make it all a bad dream. But I don’t know if mommy is coming back anymore, but maybe it’ll be okay.”

The emptiness in my soul was forgotten as Sayuri kept talking. For the next twenty minutes, she told stories of her and her mother. The time they went camping had ended with them fixing someone’s garden. The day they moved to Kyoto started two hours late because they had so much fun playing before leaving. It was sweet to hear, though Kit still didn’t move.

“Even if it hurts lots and lots now,” Sayuri said, “it’ll get better.”

I thought that would be the end of it: just another failed attempt at helping my Kitsune. Not even the sweetest child could push through war trauma. But then I felt movement against my shirt.

“Does it ever stop hurting?” my brave Kit whispered.

“The adults say it won’t,” Sayuri replied, “but the hurt doesn’t feel as bad as it did before.”

Kit smiled—really smiled. “Okie.”

The hollow feeling in me didn’t go away—I wasn’t sure it ever would, but it didn’t pull me down quite so far anymore. Yet nothing had changed with me, so why would I be affected by this? Either way, it was nice to have my Kitsune back.

“That’s my orange!”

“Nuh-uh!”

Pshhh!

I reared back, expecting pain to bloom in my head. Kit wasn’t doing any better, clutching me even closer than before. It took a minute to realize the noise wasn’t a sign of battle, but just the result of two kids being unable to hold on to their fruit. Yet as I looked at Kit, I realized two things at the same time. First, it would take a lot of time to get things back to ‘okay’ for her, and second…

The hollowness was back.

If Kit’s feelings affected mine, it would explain why I was so emboldened by her presence: she was me. Kitsune was my passion, my drive, and if she was hurt, so was I. Yet this was the exact same feeling I had felt when my grandfather had passed, so did that mean the sorrow I felt wasn’t just mine, but also with hers? With that being the case, could my own emotions help her in this state?

“Hey, kids!” I called. “Who wants to play a game?”

By the time we were set to leave, I had my answer. Did the sorrow go away? No, and it would be foolish to think everything could be okay after one day, but there was progress. After an hour, Kit turned around, and I even got her to stand upright. She still wouldn’t leave my arms, but it was a start. I held onto that hope as the kids turned in their toys.

“That was really fun!” one little boy, Trevor, was saying. “Can we play a Turf Tussle, next time?”

Next time...

Naoki scoffed. “Trust me kid: you don’t want to play him at that. He’s a menace at the Tussle.”

“Or maybe you’re just an easy target.”

“Easy?!” Naoki said. “I was second in our grade at it!”

“Yeah, under me.”

Trevor frowned. “Are you two dating?”

We reeled back in unison.

“No!”

“Where did you get that idea?!”

“Sorry,” he said. “You guys just talk like my mom and dad used to.”

If friendly banter connected to love in his mind, then his parents must have been very happy together. Maybe I could come back some day, even if it was for a little while. But I wasn’t sure about that while Windall was still around. I clutched my passion closer. Would it even be right to put her near the battlefield, now that I knew it wasn’t necessary for her survival?

“Riku?” came her quiet voice. “When are we going back to fight?”

I frowned. “Do you want to?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

She looked away from me. “The bad man is still doing bad things. If he keeps doing them, won’t he come back for me?”

“Kit,” I said gently, “I won’t let him get you again.”

“I know.” Could she sound any less convinced? “But I don’t want him to do that to anyone else.”

“Alright,” I relented. “If that’s what will make you feel safe, then we’ll do it.”

I had no way of knowing what he had put her through, but I was more than happy to get revenge. When the smoke cleared, Kit and I would have plenty of time to heal, but for now?

It was time to take out the trash.