35: The Logical and the Emotional

“The pretty and simple girl he was with, that’s the target.” – Kidnapper 1.

“You said to abduct the pretty simple girl this guy was with, then I abducted her. You didn’t say it was the wearing all black sleeveless girl!” - Kidnapper 2. He snapped. “Did that girl look simple to you? She was wearing diamonds and gold?”

“What I meant was her clothes! She’s wearing all plain black, unlike the other girls who wear glittery and colorful dresses, you wimp!” - Kidnapper 1.

“Oh, I thought pretty simple.”

“Pretty and simple girl is what I said! The instruction was pretty simple, yet you failed to do it. Now we’ve lost millions because of you! That girl is worth a fortune, not this one!”

“The place was too dark to see a girl wearing all black. That girl wasn’t even wearing plain black. It had pleats and a black ribbon on her waist. Have your eyes checked.” – Kidnapper 2.

Kidnapper 1 slapped the back of his head. “Doofus! How can I have my eyes checked if you didn’t abduct the money girl? We’re going broke because of your foolishness.”

“Hep, hep, don’t be a schlepp,” the driver, Kidnapper 3, intervened. “We still have the man. He’s worth millions, too. His own business is not that big yet, but he’s an influencer and an actor earning millions. He has endorsements, lead roles, and a family business. If he couldn’t meet our ransom, his parents could make up for the loss we had with the other rich girl.”

“You are so smart!” – Kidnapper 2 exclaimed. “Nice idea!”

“Unlike you, who can’t come up with a solution to cover the hole you made.” – Kidnapper 1 rolled his eyes.

“Shut up. I wasn’t talking to you.”

“I am not earning millions,” Drino mumbled with a towel gag.

“We know you do. We might seem amateur kidnappers for you, but we have connections proving you’re worth kidnapping for,” – Kidnapper 2 said proudly

“Doofus!”

“Stop yelling my alias name, will ya?!”

“That’s not just your alias name, it’s what you really are. A doofus!”

“W-What? All this time, it wasn’t a name you guys gave me. What does doofus mean then?”

“See? You don’t even know its meaning. You are indeed a doofus.” – Kidnapper 1

“Stupid” – Kidnapper 3

“What?” – Kidnapper 2

“Doofus means stupid, stupid,” he clarified.

“What the heck?! I don’t want that alias! I’ll change it.”

“You were born a doofus and will die being called a doofus.” – Kidnapper 1

“Then what does Witz have to do with you?” Doofus asked Kidnapper 1.

“A complete opposite of you. I’m clever, hence Witz.”

“Who named you that?”

“Me”

“That’s not fair! You were the ones who named me, so I should change mine too.”

“You’re the noob here. You've got no freedom to do whatever you want.”

“Enough. If you two won’t stop, I’ll drop you off at the police station.” Kidnapper 3 intervened to stop further arguments.

“Heh! Then you’ll be arrested as well. The police will interview you because you’re a witness to this abduction case. You will also be labeled as both a witness and a primary suspect.” Doofus boasted of his logical thinking. “So, it means you cannot drop us off at the police station because that’s literally digging your own grave.”

“Then use that brain of yours in this operation.” Kidnapper 3 retorted.

Witz laughed, mocking Doofus.

“Tsk, if you won’t stop being loud, I’ll drop you both 6 feet below the ground instead of the police station if you don’t wanna get caught,” Kidnapper 3 hissed.

“Tres, is everything okay in the basement?” Witz asked.

“All good.”

***

After hours of being asleep, Drino woke Ashmille.

“Where is this place?” she muttered, holding her head.

They were lying on a cold floor, with only their hands tied behind their back with rope. They are in an abandoned building’s basement. It is an unfinished project with wires, nails, wood, and hollow blocks everywhere. The place is bare, not painted. It is dusty and damp. They don’t have their belongings with them, only their wearables.

“Are you okay?”

“Hey, I heard them talking. They’re up!” Doofus shouted.

The three kidnappers in black with black cloth covering their faces showed.

“Who are you? What do you want from us?” Drino questioned them.

“Ah, we want your money,” Doofus replied.

“How much do you want? I’ll give what you want, just let us live.”

“Our request is simple, but there’s another person who wants more from you,” Witz stated.

“Is that him?” Drino was referring to Tres, a kidnapper and the driver of the black van.

“No, it wasn’t me,” Tres answered.

“Help! Help! They kidnapped us!” Drino shouted.

“No number of screams would reach a soul to help you.” Witz laughed. “That’s why we didn’t bother covering your mouths.”

“By the way, Drino, sign this for me,” Doofus gave him a clean white paper and a blue marker. “My daughter is a big fan of yours. She’ll turn 16 in a few days. She’ll be happy with this gift.”

“You’re really a doofus, aren’t you? He’s a hostage, not a celebrity here.” Witz reprimanded him.

“Not going to lie, I’ve looked up to you, too. But things have recently gone worse, that’s why I’m doing this. I used to work at your-”

“Stop talking to him, Doofus. Just get your sh*t signed.”

“How am I going to sign with my hands tied?” Drino mumbled.

“Don’t untie him. Write with your hands tied.” Tres insisted.

Doofus gave him his blue marker. Drino signed the paper without looking at it.

“Thank you!” Doofus expressed his gratitude. “I can also resell this!” He kissed the paper.

Resellers are individuals who obtain autographs from celebrities not out of fandom but sell them to genuine fans at overpriced rates.

“Does his signature worth that much?” Witz asked.

“Hmp,” Doofus scoffed. “You know nothing about Drino’s fandom. Let me inform you, they can sell for tenth thousands of pesos to their devotees.”

“Tch,” Witz scoffed.

“How about we take his watch and their phones, too?” Doofus added.

“Their belongings were destroyed and thrown away already. If you steal his watch and sell it, they will track us easily because his watch is one of a kind,” Tres retorted.

“Use your head, noob. Not everything you see is sellable. You forgot you're supposed to be a kidnapper, not a seller,” Witz muttered.

“Doofus, get rid of your motorcycle. Park it somewhere.” Tres commanded him. “And Witz, make sure to get the money from him.”

“Okay, but why are you acting like the boss here?” Witz asked Tres.

“I’ll be on the lookout outside. Don’t you forget that it was me who assigned you all for this. Our main business will be finished after we get the money, but we have an additional task to accomplish if you want to earn more. Be patient.”

The three kidnappers left for a moment.

Ashmille suddenly remembered something when he heard Doofus’s story and voice. He has a daughter who’s turning 16. She is a huge fan of Drino. Doofus is riding on a motorcycle. He also mentioned that he used to work at Drino’s… and he got cut by Witz. Maybe he worked at Drino’s company before as a Drino app driver.

“You seem to know a lot about him, Sir,” she observed. The driver is more informed about Drino than her, who was her ex-date years ago.

The driver laughed, which made Ashmille dazed. “Well, my 15-year-old daughter is a big fan of his! She keeps talking about him and her other celebrity crushes. She insisted on working for Drino’s company app instead of this one to support her idol,” he chortled. “But that won’t be easy. If this new app booms, I might consider transferring companies. Let’s see how this one would go,” he sighed.

“Doofus is the motorcycle driver of a ride-hailing app, your competitor. He’s the driver of the motorcycle I rode when I saw you at the billboard for the first time!”

“That’s a good lead we got there. Brilliant, Ashmille. I also faked the autograph I gave to Doofus.”

“Why?”

“After coming out of here, I’ll pretend to be a fan who is looking for Drino’s autograph to buy online. Then, if I saw someone selling an altered version of my original signature, the same autograph I just gave the kidnapper, then he’s Doofus.”

“Good idea. And if I reviewed my transaction history in the ride-hailing app I used that day, I would see the name and identification of that driver. If they are the same person, then we can have Doofus arrested.”

They silenced themselves when they heard footsteps approaching. It was doofus holding a two-packed lunch and two bottles of water.

“I’m so sorry for doing this to you, Drino and girl. What’s your name?”

“Call me Ash.”

“Sorry to you, too, Ash. My family needs me.”

“Did you work at Drino?” she asked.

“Y-Yes, I worked for a few months, but something happened. They stole the Drino car I drove. I am paying for that car in installments. They robbed me of a huge amount of money. The cash I had in the car was the payment that I had loaned for the car. They pointed a gun at my head and a knife at the side of my belly… I was wounded with a knife when I tried to fight them. I filed a complaint with the Drino company. They heard me, but their action is taking too long.”