Forever (J)

You’re not okay!

What was she talking about? I was perfectly fine—well, a little burned from the eggs, but she didn’t need to know that. Of course, I’d be better if my phone could shut the fuck up. Why were this many people taking time out of their days just to send me dumbass messages?

“Gracie, I—”

Ding! Ding! Ding!

“I know you think you’re fine, but you’re not!” Why did she look so ernest? “It feels like things are so loud—like everything is coming too fast—but ignoring it won’t help you! It’s just letting it build up higher!”

It sounded preposterous, but my Sky never said things like this. . . Was she right? Did I need to reevaluate what I was feeling? I considered the anxious thoughts I’d been getting over the past week. Should I rethink what those meant?

“Oh, calm down, Jasper,” my mother said. “It’s not like the car actually hit you.”

I was in top physical condition, and I’d never eaten better. Gracie definitely didn’t have any complaints when we’d made the origami yesterday. My hand still burned a little from the oil, but it wasn’t really a problem. It wasn’t like I’d broken anything.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

Fuck, I wished the noise would stop. It was getting hard to think over all the bullshit, and I really should get my hand under some water. Was that what Grace was talking about? But if that’s her goal, why won’t she let me get past her?

“Jasper, look at yourself!” Grace was yelling now. “You’re falling apart!”

“If you’re breaking over this, then how will you take care of me when I’m old?”

Right, I had to take care of Grace. She was the one with the extra stressful job. I just worked at a hotel. Well, I hadn’t been there in ages, but that just proved my point, didn’t it? There was nothing happening in my life, so what did I have to complain about? The first step in helping my Sky was finally turning that notification off.

Gold Digger.

Snake.

U deserved the doxxing, tbh.

I’d have to change my number, though I only had a few contacts anyway. It would be a pain, but it wasn’t the end of the world. Maybe I could use this to figure out who ‘Kris’ was. Honestly saying ‘new number, who’s this’ was the only thing I could do to not offend the guy with how little I remembered him. Fuck, why were my hands shaking, and why hadn’t I pressed the fucking silent button?

“Good lord, Jasper, you’re like a deer in headlights!” My mother’s voice cut through the shock. “Get up. My boy is strong. He can take this.”

Yeah, I could—

Ring!

“Jasper, don’t answer it,” Grace pleaded.

“Don’t worry.” I smiled for her. “I can handle it.”

“Hey, you lucky duck!” The voice sounded drunk. “How does it feel to have the Grace Skybain to yourself every night?”

I scoffed at his pathetic attempt at bait. “You’re not worth my time.”

“I don’t have time for this, Jasper,” she said. “You weren’t cut out to be a chef, anyway.”

It’s strange how memories look different when you look closer at them. Maybe Grace was right and I should take a minute. I certainly wouldn’t mind holding her in my arms, and I could see if she was finally willing to watch that one movie. I liked the idea of sharing popcorn with her, peering at her so I catch every expression change. If I were honest, the film didn’t mean shit to me, but it sounded like something Grace would love.

“Wow, you’ve got a lot of windows in that place, don’t you?”

I threw the phone across the room, making a beeline for the curtains. Why had I thought this shit would only attack me? Grace was the superstar. She was the one they really wanted. Why wouldn’t my hands stay still? If I wanted to keep them from seeing in, I had to get my fucking mind to chill. This wasn’t the time for those fucking paranoid thoughts!

“Jasper.”

But it couldn’t be paranoia—not when it was actually happening. Anxious thoughts, then. I was having anxious thoughts, yet they’d only started a few weeks ago. Maybe I was just being hypervigilant for Grace. I’d been fucking up the job royally then if some bastard knew her location, too. No, I was just pathetic—useless. That’s why my vision was getting blurry.

“Jasper, look at me!” My Sky was trying to get my attention. “Just breathe. You’re having a panic attack.”

A panic attack?

Was that why my heart was beating so fast? Come to think of it, it was getting kind of blurry in here. I wasn’t a spot-the-difference expert, but that couch used to be clearer. If I did what she said, would my hands stop shaking?

“It’s just a scratch.”

It wasn’t a big deal.

“You’re a man. Act like one!”

Everything was fine.

“You’re okay.”

Was I really, though?

The breathing helped more than I thought it would. My Sky kept me grounded as my vision cleared. The couch was solid again, its four pillows stable. I could hear Grace saying four words over and over: breath in, breath out. The air smelled like pancakes, with just a hint of burn and eggs. Both of Grace’s hands held my own. I slid one palm up to cup her cheek before I pulled her close, letting the taste of her wash through me.

I pulled back to see the brightest star flushed as she met my gaze. She always got like this with surprise kisses, which is why I cherished them so much. I wished I could capture that look for eternity—lock it in a box deep in my soul. I would take it with me to work, using it to get through every annoying guest and their dumbass requests. I wouldn’t mind having that forever.

Forever.

“Are you better now?”

I frowned. “I’m not sure.”

Before, I would have said yes without question, but this whole thing showed me that my radar for such things needed some serious tuning. Maybe I should see a therapist. Grace had one, and she spoke up and down about how helpful it was. My thoughts were interrupted when she crashed into my arms.

“That’s okay.” She was so beautiful looking up at me like that. “We can be not sure together.”

My Dancer was the best thing I could ever ask for. I had crashed hard in front of her and she didn’t miss a beat in helping me recover. I checked outside the windows, relieved to find no one there, before taking my girlfriend to the couch. ‘Girlfriend’ was such a common term for someone who meant so much to me. She was the air I breathed, the reason I got up so early to make breakfast. Without her, I wouldn’t have realized I was losing it, and I sure as hell didn’t want to lose her.

I want to keep her.

“Jasper?” she asked. “What do you want to watch?”

I grinned. “You.”

I wanted to watch her forever, to see her grow more confident. I wanted to see her thrive, to be there when she suffered. I wanted to be the one to help her improve herself, and I wanted her there when I improved myself.

I wanted to marry Grace Skybain.