Past Part 2

     “You gonna be ready for school baby.”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“You seem kinda down lately so I made you your favorite meatloaf with peas.”

“Thank’s ma.” It made me kinda happy, but kinda sad as the flavor just seemed different.”

“Did you get all your supplies?”

“Yeah they’re all in my bag.”

“Okay, get some rest after dinner sweety.” She gave me a kiss on my forehead, and then she went to get some rest herself.

To be honest I was still really worried about school. I felt like if I went into school everything could change for the worst, and everything would come crashing down or something. It was stupid, but those were my real feelings. My appetite wasn’t there today, I could barely eat three bites. Everything I ate felt like it lacked it’s usual flavour, I felt what was the point of eating, but I ate it all anyway. I felt a little sick after that. After that I just laid in my bed. I wasn’t tired at all, but I had no strength to do anything. My brother and mom already seemed to be sound asleep. I laid there on my bed looking at the ceiling, then I had a sudden craving to see the stars. I walked down the stairs outside where I could see the stars.

“Man there’s barely any stars out here.” It was pretty though, the night sky, I don’t know what I was imagining but there were only 5 stars I could maybe see. I stayed outside for a while, the polluted outside city air felt better than just staying in my bed all the time. In that moment I prayed, I prayed for everything, for a better life, for my first day to be alright, or maybe let me be sick the next day, just something, and prayed for my future. I stayed out there for a little while and went back inside, and laid on my bed. I had managed to fall asleep for a little till I woke up in a cold sweat full of a strange and irrational fear. I stayed in my bed and tossed and turned. After a while I headed to the bathroom to take a leak. I looked myself in the mirror and thought tomorrow was really gonna be the first day.

I didn’t wanna go back to bed, I was afraid I’d fall asleep and have to go school, but I also didn’t wanna stay awake, to be honest I felt miserable. So I just did what I could and figured I should write for whatever reason, and I ended up back on this old shaky desk that came with the apartment. And I wrote about it

TRagedy

No father to show me the way

Not that I need it anymore or want it

I’ve seen too much already in 11 years of my life

Streets full of violence and self hatred

Killing, raping, shootings those we loved

The mad city got us killing our brother, our sister and mothers

Before I knew it my life was full of pain

My life I was surrounded by criminals, dealers, robbers

We all were trying to live our lives

Pain, pain, pain we inflict on each other

My tears took away my happy smiles

My happy words

My trauma

Though you show me the way

My momma

You who had shown me so much kindness

My brother

Show me the way

Show me the way

Show me the way

I felt it again, magic. I felt something was different, something had changed but I couldn’t describe it. My trauma, I felt it was different. I went back to bed. I shuffled around a little in my bed a little more and then I fell asleep again, this time till morning.

Today My mom was there to bring me to school today. She woke me up and made me breakfast for me and my brother. My brother was still half asleep with twice the amount of sleep I had. We both got ready for school. Momma made us some miracles this morning with pancakes. I took a stack of fat pancakes with some butter and syrup and ate it up, another one of my favorites. My mom was always an amazing cook, whenever she was home to cook a meal I’d get excited. As I was chomping on these pancakes I thought, I guess mom’s pancakes cured me of my sadness.

“Are you ready kids?”

“Nooooo.” We both said. My mom sighed in response.

“Who wants seconds.”

“Me, me, Me.” we both said

Well I still didn’t feel mentally prepared. Whelp I guess I gotta run into the forest and never come back. Me and my brother got into the car to get taken to middle school. My heart beated hard in the back seat while my brother was sleeping in the car. My thoughts were spiraling and spiraling out of control. I didn’t know what to do to calm myself. I felt sick in the car but we kept moving, as much as I wanted to throw up I couldn’t. I never really ever got car sick. Then my mom put in a cassette, she must have noticed how obviously nervous I was.

“Starry night, starry night, paint your palette blue and grey.” The car sung. My mind had been thrown for a loop. My mom would often play this song, it was my favorite.

“Look out on a summer day.” The car sung. I felt my mind feel at ease, and I just tried to focus on the song. My thoughts slowly faded out

“Now I understand what you tried to say to me.” The car sung. I wonder if the song was on repeat cause before I knew it I was at school.

“Hey were here David, Wake Up!” My mom yelled. I started slapping him, and pulling on his cheeks till he got up. Then he finally got to his senses and woke up.

“Uhhhhh, where are we?” He was in mid stretch.

“At school dummy, get up.”

“Ohh shoot I forgot, did I bring my bag.”

“Yeah its right in front of you.”

“Ohhhh.”

“Have a good day you too.”

“Bye mom, love you.”

“Bye mom, love you.” We got out of the car and headed through the front door with the swarm kids.

This school was smaller than my old school. It also seemed a little newer than my old school in New York. I looked at the schedule my mom gave me

“I’m going now, my rooms over there.”

“Okay seeya.”

My room was 422. As I walked around looking for my room nervously, some teacher I guess went up to me and asked

“Do you need help finding your room.”

“Ummm, yeah.”

“What room are you in son.”

“422.”

“Down that hall to the left.”

“Thank you.” I went down the hall, to the left and the rest was history. I felt like after that I was nervous but I slowly started to fit in my classes, and got more friends, and became more social.

“Ahhhhh.” I woke up with a cold sweat in bed. “I feel I had the most terrible dream.”