And it would have been worth it, after all

Sunlight had returned and the clouds had all but vanished when Kaho opened her eyes. He was beside her, sprawled on his back with one leg peeking out from beneath the sheets. His left fingers were absentmindedly resting against her thigh. There was a heaviness to him as he lay there breathing through partially parted lips.

Kaho looked down at her exposed shoulders, once more fully aware of the dozens upon dozens of cutbacks now visible in the warm natural light that was blanketing the room.

Everything felt still, and she inhaled to appreciate the temporary tranquility before her thoughts fully returned. Reflecting on his revelations brought Kaho a bit more understanding. Going all the way back to their first moments together, he’d always felt distant in his secrets, but also nurturing and understanding. Back then, he’d held his left hand limply to his side, and she thought it was because he wanted to hide the bandages. But now she wondered if it was because he was still trying to gain control of his hand once again. Suddenly, his patient ikebana interest meant even more.

It was difficult to know that he’d been a part of such wretched systems, and Kaho knew that if they were to have any sort of future, it would involve him leaving that world behind. His acknowledgement that he wanted to do so gave her hope that she’d scarcely allowed herself to feel before then. Yet even with that change, she feared if it would be enough for her family. They’d never pressured her to find a partner or date for the sake of social status and connections, but she feared that Shuhei’s past would be too much for them to accept. At best, it would mean that their relationship would have to stay hidden.

Kaho began to realize she didn’t care for any of that. Simple things like nature, ikebana, and soft moments with him had given her more completeness and peace than anything Tokyo and affluence had offered. There was a privilege in never having to be concerned about groceries or bills like so many others, and she didn’t want to make light of that. Such strains had killed Shuhei’s father and had driven him down a path that led him to hate himself. If there was a way to have some measure of comfort while not having to care about the glares of society in the capital, that was what Kaho would dream of.

But for now, that was the future and she couldn’t immediately do anything about it. At that moment, he was beside her, and she felt calm. Exhaustion from the panic attack had robbed her of some liveliness, but she still wanted to enjoy the day with him. It was only noon, so there was still plenty of time.

She slid out of bed as softly as possible and pulled her dress over her body, saying farewell to his touch for a moment. Once her shoes were on, she quietly stepped out of the room and guided the door back to a soft close before making her way down the hall.

A little while later, Shuhei awoke confused. It had been years since he’d taken a nap, and he was almost unsure of what day it was. Immediate dread flooded his veins as he feared he’d slept the day away.

“Kaho?” he called, even though he knew she wouldn’t hear.

But it was okay. She was in bed beside him, sitting against the wall, reading a book of Western poems. When he jolted up, she flinched slightly then smiled. His hair was matted against his face, framing his puffy eyes with silver and dirty blonde. Her smile made him smile, and he once again signed ‘beautiful’ to her.

She softly brushed his hair out of his eyes, then raised her right fist to her head. Her index and pointer fingers pointed upwards before the whole of her hand lowered. Then both hands lifted to her chest with her pointer fingers extended. They bent inwards towards one another, like a bow.

“Good afternoon,” she wrote.

Shuhei repeated the gesture and mouthed along as he did.

A familiar scent greeted him, and he turned to see a to-go cup of coffee beside him.

“Coffee, wonderful,” he said as he stretched.

Stretching into a groan caused his arms to tense and Kaho snuck another approving glance at the definition of his body. His eyes opened once more, and he signed ‘thank you’ before scooting up to be against the wall with her. The paper cup was still warm in his palm, and he let the drifting steam glide along in front of him as he inhaled through his nose.

He felt her hand take his, and they shared one more dulcet glance.

“Want to go for our walk?” she wrote.

Shuhei yawned and took a sip of his medium roast.

“Yes, please. If you are still up to it.”

“I’d like to be in the trees. I want to breathe them in,” she replied.

“Ok. I can step out if you want to finish changing,” Shuhei wrote.

As she read, he started to stand to make the offer easier. But her hand stopped him.

“You can stay. It’s okay,” she replied.

Kaho blushed as he read, but it was sincere. He’d already seen the scars now, and he’d already seen her in collapse. This was her attempt at accepting the scars were a part of her, even if she now hated them. If he was to see her fully exposed, he’d have to see them. Kaho wasn’t ready for him to engage with them, and in many ways hoped he wouldn’t even acknowledge them. Still, she wanted to do this. So she stood and slowly began to slide her dress off her shoulders once again.

Shuhei was still, but didn’t look away.

This time, to her surprise, Kaho only felt a slight elevation in her heart rate. Whispers of conditioned air once again kissed the edges of her back. Belt clasps were undone, and leather was set aside as the fabric of the dress bundled and then draped from her hips, leaving her only in her underwear. Faint tremors moved through the back of her ribs and into her throat, but it was barely noticeable. She had turned herself slightly away from him without realizing, and decided to angle herself back into his sights.

All the while, his eyes stayed on her face. She had a freckle on her collarbone. Peripheral details told him that pale folds of skin pressed against themselves as her stomach constricted from her bending forward. Her lips drooped down with supple weight as her left hand held her hair against her shoulder. Clasps were undone, and her bra was removed to be changed for something more comfortable. Nervous, wide eyes dared to glance at him once more and saw that his gaze was still only on her face.

After new garments were chosen, pants and a comfortable long-sleeved shirt were pulled into place, socks were slid over feet, and Kaho was ready.

Shuhei extended his left hand for her without speaking, and she allowed herself to step into his hold. Gentle yet firm pressure met the bend of her waist just above her hips. Her hands settled on his chest and he leaned down to let his lips find hers.

With that, the young couple set out for their day in Nikko’s forested embrace. Hours passed with them walking among ancient cedars and fir. Trunks as wide as vehicles told stories of centuries past. Greenery purified the air and filled Kaho’s lungs with mossy coolness. Waterfalls carried eternal streams from thawing snowy peaks down to full rivers. Scenic bridges and lake overlooks showed them the wonder of all things. Dinner was traditional and nourishing, surrounded by other pleasant guests. As they shared a small bottle of sake in the garden, a few stray meteor shards streaked through the vibrant sky.

Everything felt halcyon and golden.

Even if this did become their last real day together, both of them felt it was perfect. Tokyo’s grasp was vast, but out in those mountains, they were safe for at least one evening.

When they returned to their warmly lit room, Kaho knew she was ready.