For I have known them all already

Everything was the same as when he left, except the mountains were no longer barren. Greenery engulfed him from every side. Summertime ikebana arrangements stood in the displays. Staff politely waved to him in remembrance.

He didn’t wake up as early anymore. For the first time in his adult life, Shuhei was starting to need an alarm. On his fourth day in the center, he was making his way to the psychiatrist’s office once again. That morning, he had left for his designated time slot and gone to view two lovely traditional homes. Being at the facility on a low-risk stay meant he had plenty of flexibility, just like the others who had gone home on weekends during his first stay.

When he entered the psychiatrist’s office, he laughed to himself that the stack of papers on her desk still seemed the exact same height. She stood and bowed to him in cordiality before returning to her seat. The leather felt the same. His coffee that he was currently drinking was the exact same blend as before. Sunlight still cut through the curtains in diagonal lines that never reached the desk.

“You look well, Shuhei,” she said.

He chuckled and rubbed his finger along the bruising that wrapped across the left side of his head and face.

“Well, in some ways,” he smiled.

“You seem calmer.”

“I am. Tokyo is slowly leaving my system.”

She smiled and wrote another unseen note.

“Do you miss it at all?” she asked.

“I miss Kaho. That’s it.”

“And how is that going? Do you feel like you are making progress towards a resolution?” she asked.

Shuhei nodded and shifted his weight to take pressure off his still-swollen ribs.

“I truly think we are. I don’t know if it’s enough, but we’re trying. And that was part of what I wanted to ask you about,” Shuhei answered.

“What’s that?” she replied.

He cleared his throat.

“The lithium. I think I’m ready to get off it. I’m ready to face everything on my own, without their help. I wanted to make sure I tapered correctly so I didn’t cause any problems. Please.”

The psychiatrist smiled a kind smile.

“We can do that. I’m proud of you, Shuhei.”

That night, Shuhei ate alone, then sat under the stars as he reviewed his tour notes for the next morning, along with his ideas for a new endeavor and newest sign language sketches. Three more homes waited. Heels tapped on the wooden floor behind him, telling him someone was approaching. When he looked up, he saw a familiar face.

“Ms. Sayane!” he said as he started to stand.

“Oh, don’t bother! I was coming to sit with you, if that’s okay.”

“Please do,” Shuhei said as he put away his notebook.

Sayane joined him on the edge of the deck and looked him over.

“You look terrible,” she said with a stifled laugh.

“Thank you! Everyone here is being so polite and telling me I look good, but I know I look ridiculous,” Shuhei laughed.

“Yeah, it’s pretty bad. Does it hurt?” Sayane smiled.

“Only when I breathe or move. Or talk. Or eat. Or drink…” Shuhei chuckled.

“Totally manageable then,” Sayane smirked.

Above them, the stars looked down in silent reverie. Sayane saw his notes on sign.

“You’re learning?” she asked and signed.

“Still a lot left,” he replied and signed.

“Kaho told me to tell you hi, by the way,” Shuhei said.

Sayane nodded.

“She actually texted me yesterday. It was nice to connect with her. I’m grabbing coffee with her tomorrow afternoon, actually.”

“Wow! That’s wonderful. She’ll be so happy,” Shuhei smiled.

Tears returned yet again, and he froze to process what he was feeling.

“Sorry. I’m crying like, every fucking day lately,” he laughed.

“That’s good. Means you’re letting it move through you. Any idea what these are for?” Sayane asked.

“I… I think I just got really happy knowing she was going to see you. Going to have a friend. I miss her so much. I know I’ll see her again, somehow. But right now, it feels so… big… and intimidating. So, thank you for being there with her.”

Shuhei bowed slightly, and Sayane smiled.

“It might not always feel like it, but even when the bottom drops out on us, it can always get better. Nothing is ever truly insurmountable. If you just work towards those better days, they’ll come eventually. You will see her again. And I imagine it will be sooner than you think. …She’s not like, here right now or anything, so don’t take that the wrong way,” Sayane grinned.

Shuhei’s remaining days in Nikko were spent going over dosage tapering protocols, mental and emotional valuations, and touring the remaining homes on his list. In the end, a simple one-story traditional house built almost thirty years ago caught his eye. It was on the higher end of his budget, but it had the biggest yard, already included a greenhouse, and looked out at a far-off ravine. The nearest town center was only a few kilometers away. Something about it spoke to him in the exact manner he wanted.

Paperwork was submitted. Title approvals were filed. Everything began to fall into place. On the night before Shuhei was meant to leave, he ate dinner alone once again. When Sayane walked by, she subtly waved, then mouthed, ‘Do you have your phone?”

Shuhei nodded, and Sayane held a thumbs-up. He didn’t know what she was referring to, but he assumed it was something to do with Kaho. A few minutes later, he got his answer.

His phone buzzed with a message, and when he looked at it, he saw a graphic for an exhibition for the ikebana school Kaho was a part of. It was happening that weekend, after he was to leave the treatment center.

“Would you like to come to our ikebana exhibition? I’m going to have a few arrangements in it. My parents will be there, and I told them I wanted you to come,” Kaho wrote.

Shuhei got the jump on his tears that time and let them move through him without cascading down his face.

“Kaho, I’m so proud of you. I’d love to. My face is still messed up, though. Is that okay?” he asked.

“I know you’ll be beautiful,” she replied.

“And so will you,” he typed.

Excitement woke him fully. Nine weeks after parting, they would finally be back together. Even if it was only for a night, that would be more than enough. Shuhei lowered his phone and let the imagery of the treatment center bind itself to his mind. As he looked around, he gave the space the gratitude it deserved. Without those ethereal halls and ineffable mountains, he and Kaho might never have met. But most importantly, they might never have healed.

Once he was satisfied with his detail capturing, he rose and returned his dishes, then finished his chores. His last night had arrived again, and this time, he faced a future outside of that facility that he was actually excited for. In two days, he would be seeing Kaho again.