Chapter 17

Junichiro stood in front of the beachfront hotel that he and the rest of the film crew were staying in while they were in Okinawa, rain dripping down his face. The wind blew in his ears and the agitated waves roared as they crashed against the shoreline only a few hundred yards away. Thunder boomed quietly off in the distance. Above it all, he could still hear the crack of Kana’s palm across his cheek, the patter of her footsteps as she ran away, and the soft whimpers as tears fell from her eyes. His cheek still stung, but it was nothing compared to the ache of regret in his heart.

In all the time he had been working with Kana, he had always felt justified whenever he took jabs at her. He was confident that no matter what he could throw at her, she would clap back with something even worse. That’s how their relationship was supposed to work: one of them takes a shot and the other would throw back an equally biting remark. It was how things had been since they’d met. Not this time though. Something was different this time. Junichiro had sense enough to know that he’d gone too far. Nevertheless, it was confusing because he thought their relationship was founded on a mutual dislike. But if he was supposed to hate her, then why did it feel so bad to see her genuinely hurt?

The hotel lobby was cold and unforgiving to Junichiro, who was soaked to the bone from the rain. It was sparsely populated, with only a few souls daring to be outside their rooms on such a dreary day. A woman in her fifties or sixties wearing a deep azure party dress and a string of pearls around her neck sat near the entrance, waiting on a taxi to take her to some fanciful downtown venue. A young mother and her child stood at the receptionist’s desk, waiting to receive service. A handsome business man with brown hair and glasses sat on a sofa near a window as he read the daily paper. Each of them looked at Junichiro with sympathetic eyes.

The brown-haired businessman peered deep into Junichiro’s eyes, then pointed to the elevator, as if he knew what he was searching for. A line of slight discolorations trailed along the floor over to the elevator door. They were the remnants of footprints made by rain-soaked sandals. Junichiro nodded a thank you to the business man and hurried to the elevator, not caring about the trail of water he left behind him.

The elevator’s mechanisms vibrated gently as it carried Junichiro up to the twentieth floor. The only sounds that could be heard in the rapidly ascending metal box were the soft whirring of machinery, the rhythmic, impatient tapping of Junichiro’s foot against the tile floor, and his heartbeat pounding nervously in his ears. After a short eternity, the elevator speakers sang a low ‘bing-bong’ as the whole thing slowed to a halt and the doors slid open. Junichiro darted out through the opening and down the hallway towards the rooms reserved for Monochrome Masquerade’s production team.

The hallway seemed to stretch endlessly as Junichiro trudged ever closer to the end. Finally, he reached Room 2022, Kana’s room. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. The sound echoed down the hallway, yet received no response. He knocked again, this time a little harder. There was still no answer. He gritted his teeth and pounded on the door, rattling the doorframe with the impacts.

“Shirahama, are you in there?” he called out, failing to conceal the desperation in his voice.

Once again, there was no answer. Instead, the rustling of fabric could be heard through the door as someone sat down on the floor just on the other side. It had to be her. Then Junichiro heard a muffled whisper through the dense wooden door, so quiet that he had to lean in close to be able to make out the words.

“...What do you want, Kurotaki?” said the voice.

Junichiro froze. What did he want? For things to go back to normal between them? No, that wasn’t it. Did he want them to become closer? Maybe, but then again, what did that mean? For now at least though, he knew he needed to apologize, to try to make things right.

“I…” He began, hesitantly, “I…wanted to apologize…for what I said. I went way too far. I’m so sorry. Can you forgive me?”

A while longer passed with no response. He could hear her faint breaths through the door. Some of them seemed to hitch in her throat, as if she was still instinctively trying to hold back tears. Had what he said really affected her that much? Another pang of guilt attacked Junichiro’s heart.

“Kurotaki…Why did you become an actor?” asked the voice behind the door softly.

“What?” Junichiro asked, taken aback for a moment. The question caught him off guard.

“I became an actress for the fame and the money, same as everyone else does. I grew up in a fairly wealthy household. My parents raised me to be conscious of my social standing and my finances at all times. I decided to become an actress because that was the easiest way for me to increase both of those things at the same time. I just wanted to try to make my parents proud of me, my love for acting and film came afterwards. My reasoning is…No, I am completely superficial.”

Junichiro blinked. He hadn’t been prepared for her to bare her soul to him like this. But now that she had, he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he didn’t respond in kind. He pressed his back against the door and slid down it, taking a seat on the floor.

“I mean…it’s not like my reason is particularly special either. I became an actor because it was really the only thing I was good at. Back in school, I was never that smart or studious. I was never really that great at sports either. On the stage though, I was a completely different person. I felt alive, like I finally had a purpose in life. Of course, it was Renji who finally convinced me to take the leap. Without him, I’d probably be stuck in some dead-end job, wasting my days away. If anything, I’d say it’s incredible that you managed to do it by yourself.”

For a long time, neither of them said anything. They simply sat there, backs to each other with only the door between them. Junichiro heard Kana’s breathing slowly become more relaxed and even, a sign that she was calming down. He didn’t know why, but it made him feel better. The way she sounded now, soft spoken and calm, she sounded a lot like Kanae. Junichiro quickly pushed the thought away.

“Do you hate me, Kurotaki?” she asked, her voice regaining some of its usual confidence.

“I thought I did,” he replied, “but now I’m not so sure. We’ve fought so much over the time we’ve been working together that sometimes it just feels like we’re going through the motions. You frustrate me and you annoy me to no end, but I don’t think I can honestly say that I hate you. What about you? Do you hate me?”

Junichiro heard her let out a short, incredulous laugh as she stood up. As the doorknob clicked and the door began to swing open, he jumped up and turned to face her. Her hair, white as snow, was damp from the rain, hanging down in stringy clumps that framed her face. Her eyes were red and puffy and tear stains streaked down her flushed cheeks. But in the middle of it all, was her smile. The first genuine smile Junichiro had ever seen her make that was directed towards him.

“I mean…I definitely don’t like you. You’re loud, annoying, and snarky. You always have to be the last one to get a word in and you’re very full of yourself. You can’t take a hint and you can never just let something go. But…no, I don’t think I hate you.”

“Yeah, whatever. You’ve got your problems too, you know.” Junichiro huffed, though he couldn’t hide the smile tugging on the corners of his mouth. “Should we go back and join the others?”

“Let’s do that.”

When they arrived back on set, something had clearly changed between the two of them. They still weren’t friendly with each other by any means, but their jabs and insults didn’t quite have the same bite to them as they had before. Junichiro felt like he had turned over to a new page in his story. Despite the numerous challenges ahead of him, there was a little less fear in his heart at the thought of everything that still had to be done. As he looked out across the ocean on set that day, Junichiro couldn’t help but feel hopeful for what lay ahead.