Seeking One's Self

What was it, a few weeks or days? I had sort of lost track of time at this point. Unlike the past worlds I had to visit, this one actually had a proper calendar and time to follow, but I found myself more lost to how long I had been here than any other places I had been. Most of it obviously was chalked up to the fact that I had a deadend job that was about as interesting as watching a snail travel a meter.

There were more than a few times that I had considered quitting my job and looking for something more appealing. And I may still do that at some point. Part of me stayed where I was only because I was put there for a purpose and I wasn’t too sure how the world would react to me trying to deny it. Though at the same time, there was definitely an appeal to that thought as well.

Considering they’ve already killed me in all the other worlds, I couldn’t even say that was the worst that could happen and they kill me. Though I did think at this point living in this world doing nothing but moving supplies around was actually the worst they could do. I know there were an infinite number of things even worse. Complaining about having a job that sucks was hardly a new thing or even a thing to really be worth moaning about. There were plenty that wished they had a job or even a better one, like the one I had. Which came off a little depressing to think about considering how tedious it was. But it was necessary, sort of.

I’d still yet to run into anyone else other than Saki at the restaurant. Given my job, I had spent some time looking around. I did some searching via the internet, but without something more concrete than a name it was going to be difficult. I mean I couldn’t even find Saki and I knew where she was. She had zero internet presence.

Which could be something that they did intentionally, but it was also not that hard to imagine either. While the internet was common and putting pictures on the internet too, if you didn’t upload images or at least didn’t have a public location that they were viewable you were still going to be invisible. Seiji and Nerine weren’t ones to do that sort of thing in their own lives, I mean phones didn’t even exist for the Atlanteans.

Thus I just gave up trying to find them by the internet. It was just going to be a waste of time. Instead, I just set out in a different direction each day and took a walk. Finding them at random had about as much of a chance as the internet at this point. Unfortunately, I had found no one else at this point.

It wasn’t as though this was a small town either, so I could spend months or years randomly moving about and never find them. No, the reality was that Saki and I just got really lucky or our placement was intentional. Either way, the more likely case was that everyone else was in other parts of Japan, hopefully. I didn’t even want to consider the possibility that they went really cruel and put one of us halfway around the world. It felt unlikely since that wasn’t the way things had been before.

Options though, right?

I sighed.

Chapter 566 - Seeking One’s Self

Once more I found myself standing out in front of Saki’s restaurant, which was a strange phrase to hear myself think. ‘Saki has her own place, I mean they gave it to her, but still I’m surprised that they just did that to one of us. None of us were business owners, given everything we’ve been through it’s hard to even say we’re children anymore. But none of us have real world experience in the modern era. How applicable is being a feudal lord’s advisor on the resume?’

Jokes aside, the place remained open from outside appearances. I hadn’t visited since Saki more or less chased me out the last time in not so many words. While I did find myself compelled for reasons I couldn’t and still can’t explain, I held off. The friction I created with her already wouldn’t go away if I just kept showing up as a regular even if I wasn’t doing anything wrong.

But I was back again today and there was nothing pulling me away. My mind didn’t seem to be convincing me otherwise yet. Not sure if I should take that as a sign. If it was a bad idea someone should stop me because I already had started opening the door.

Inside the warm interior, the place remained as busy as I remembered it from before. ‘I guess she’s a good shop owner. Not sure if I’m surprised. At this point, I hardly know anything about her. What little I learned about her during our Atlantis trip may no longer even be valid with how much time she’s lived in here. Unlike me, she’s actually survived some of the worlds.’ Though I think our difference was only one, still she outlived me in all of the worlds as far I’m aware. I died pretty quickly with my sister abandoning all of us to the vacuum of space other than Yuki.

Looking around, most of the tables looked full, though I doubted that Saki waited given that she owned the place. Though I didn’t really know what she did. The two times I found her she was at the register and gave me a beer. Neither of those were good indications of her daily work. So I really didn’t know where I would find her.

The bar still seemed like the best bet for me, provided that she didn’t jumpscare me like last time. I swear I couldn’t even hear her, not that I was trying, but I noticed nothing. And I thought I had a little bit of awareness from all of the martial training I received from Seiji and others in Aya’s world.

Little good that did me. But I successfully made it to the bar unnoticed, I guess. Looking around, I didn’t see her, just a man in his twenties tending it. I raised my hand to let him know that I was ready. ‘I guess she’s not here. Maybe in the back?’

“What can I get you, sir?”

To be honest, I hadn’t thought that far ahead, same like that time. “Whatever is your cheap beer, one up from that.” I couldn’t remember what Saki served me, probably because I didn't look. Saki distracted me most of the time.

He gave me a little of a strange look, probably hadn’t had that request before. “Right away, sir.” The bartender went off to grab a glass and started to pour out my request.

All I knew was that I didn’t really like the last one, so hopefully this one had a better taste to it. I still couldn’t really afford much. This wasn’t going to be a habit at least, so if I had to splurge when I visited I could probably afford it. Seeing my balance, I didn’t like that idea.

“Here you are.”

“Thank you.”

“Let me know if you need anything else.”

“Depending on how I’m feeling, I might want a menu.”

“Yes, sir.”

I really wanted to lean back, but the stool didno’t allow such a thing. The next best was an elbow lean braced against the counter as I put more of my weight on my arm to look to the side. It gave me a view of the tables where everyone was having a good time spending time with loved ones or friends.

Taking a sip of the beer, it was better than the last and different as well. Not really sure if it was an improvement or not. Another couple of sips would be needed to make any sort of judgment, but I wasn’t wholly in the mood to do that immediately. Not sure if it was because the taste turned me off or just wasn’t really in the mood.

Another sigh escaped me.

‘What am I doing here?’ How many times have I asked myself that? How many times have I not come to an answer? I felt like I was going in circles at this point. Saki asked me the same thing and I couldn’t give her an answer, not that she seemed to believe me when I said that. Though she had suspicions of me the moment I stepped in. So I wasn’t sure if I could wholly see that as her not believing me or just being close minded.

But seriously, what was I doing?

What was I looking for out of all of this? Did I think Saki had something I was looking for? I keep coming back here even when I don’t go in. What’s this pull?

I took another sip from the beer and leaned harder on my arm. It hurt a little, but I didn’t think about it. There wasn’t enough beer in me for it to numb my thoughts, even though that was the first thing that I thought when I took that sip.

Sighed a third time.

My soul would escape if I wasn't careful. Maybe it would be best if I just left. I wasn’t really even sure what I’m doing here. What was I going to talk to Saki about, because that’s why I came. I wanted to talk to her, but there was nothing that I had to say to her. She likely had the same sentiment for me. ‘I’ll leave after I finish the beer. Not going to waste money.’

About ten minutes passed and then another and another, I was taking too long on my drink, but it was finally getting to be done. A few times the bartender gave me a couple of looks for what I was doing. I was technically a paying customer and the bar wasn’t full. I only had three others as company and none of us sat next to each other.

It seemed that we all had the same wish to be alone. Which seemed to defeat the purpose of me coming to talk to Saki if I wanted to be alone. Did I want to be alone? Was this place making me philosophical or is it the beer? Couldn’t be the beer I hadn’t had enough. I was still one glass in and all I would be.

One final sigh escaped.

I dropped the money on the counter to pay for what I owed. He came by to make change. Putting the yen down seemed to have some finality to it that I wasn’t expecting. I knew I was leaving now, but it felt weightier than I wanted.

“Here you are, sir.”

“Thanks, I think I liked that one more than the last one I had.”

“Much appreciated, sir.”

“Have a good night.”

“You as well.”

Getting up from the stool, I walked myself over to the door. My legs felt a little stiff from sitting in the stool. It wasn’t as comfortable as the office chair that I had at work. Though I was running around all day, so maybe it only felt good because I got to sit. Oh well, not that it mattered for now, I was heading home.

I probably looked a little drunk the way I walked until I got my legs working properly. It felt like an old person problem, but it could just be a lack of exercise too. Who really knew.

Opening the door, I looked back into the restaurant one last time as though I was expecting Saki to grab me or ninja pop in front to stop me. Neither happened, because why would it? She probably saw me and just ignored me the whole time I was there.

Would I come back again? Sounded like stalker talk or dangerously close to it. Did I care about that? Not really sure, I still had my feelings to sort out clearly. Maybe it was better that she didn’t show up.

Perhaps it was a sign that I needed to figure out what I wanted first before showing up to talk. Because what was I going to talk to her about? I think I really expected her to just yell at me and that would hopefully lead to something. But what something was that?

I didn’t know.

I didn’t get it. All of this uncertainty really bothered me and I didn’t know what to do with it. Things really needed to be figured out. Maybe I should stop looking around like it was just a habit and figure things out for myself first.

“Yeah, that doesn’t sound like a bad plan.”

The bartender left the counter for a moment and walked into the kitchen. Around the corner at a desk the remaining part of the kitchen, though sectioned off, sat Saki going over the books and supply orders. He leaned down and whispered to Saki. “He came today.”

She paused in her typing on the laptop and nodded to him, before he left. Looking over at the door to the main part of the restaurant, she seemed to pretend that Yori had been in there. ‘Figures as much. Though what’s his game in all of this? I don’t know where Yumi is. Was he just wanting to know if I found her?’

Tapping on the laptop, she started to return to work. Business was very busy and she hardly had the time to be out on the floor. The shop had reliable workers at least that she found were trustworthy to complete their jobs. ‘I hope he’s realized that I wouldn’t tell him if I did.’ Saki kept typing on the keys while considering plans for dealing with Yori in the future.