3.2 Perturbation: Matriarchs and Monsters

Li Wei turned around and grabbed his phone from the nightstand, with his wife still clinging to him. It was a text message from Li Fen, the CEO of the Wu Long Group, and his eldest sister.

"Who is it?" An Mei asked.

"It's Da-jie. She wants me to take a look at some calculations for the Group's new quantum computing framework." As he read on, his demeanor changed slightly. "She says that she trusts her engineers but trusts my analysis more." Li Wei tried to sound impassive, but An Mei easily recognized the slight pride his voice carried, and the ghost of a smile that made a brief appearance.

She ruffled his hair and said, "My husband is so clever," before topping off the praise with another sweet kiss.

Li Wei beamed at his wife's compliment and returned to the contents of the text message. "And apparently, she is sending Yue-jie over with the file."

An Mei chuckled at the thought of Li Yue, her youngest sister-in-law, coming over in her Pikachu hoodie and mused, "I love how Da-jie can just order the CTO of a global conglomerate to run an errand."

"Well, that's how she is. How would anyone refuse her? And Yue-jie was probably still gaming. This is a much better use of her time anyway."

Just as those words left Li Wei's lips, the doorbell rang.

"Should we get that?" An Mei asked hesitantly, not fully willing to relinquish their peaceful haven just yet.

"Let's just wait," Li Wei replied, once again cuddling against his wife. "She knows the code. If we don't open it, she will let herself in." He put his phone in vibrate mode and placed it back on the nightstand.

Li Wei's prediction held true; a few moments later, the couple heard the clicks and beep of the digital lock on their front door, followed by the sound of it swinging open.

"Hey guys!" Li Yue's cheerful voice echoed throughout the apartment. "I brought the files. I'll put them on your work desk, Weiwei." The couple heard the distinctive sound of Li Yue shuffling around the apartment like a zombie. "My calculations are also in the file, but I am not very sure about the renormalization. Check that again, okay?" The shuffling continued, but it was now clearly headed towards the kitchen. They heard the sound of their cupboards being opened and the rustle of plastic, followed by crunching noises.

"She is raiding our snacks, isn't she?" Li Wei asked his wife. An Mei nodded, feigning solemnity. "She is laying waste to our supply of potato chips and spicy squid," he grumbled. "Should we do something about this blatant theft?"

An Mei giggled, her laughter reminiscent of a demure heroine from one of her romance novels. She leaned in and kissed him again. "No need. I went shopping yesterday and bought all of her favorites. A snack raid was overdue anyway."

Li Wei cupped her face. "My wife is so thoughtful," he quipped and kissed the tip of her nose. An Mei, unwilling to be outdone by her husband, retaliated with a nose kiss of her own. The two of them once again started to lose themselves in a world of tender care, while Li Yue happily munched on their food.

A few minutes later, her pillaging now complete, Li Yue cried out once more, "I'm out, guys. Thanks for the snacks. Weiwei, be ready for the evening raid. There is a new patch out for Dragon Gate, and we are grinding for that diamond tier loot." While shuffling towards the front door, she stopped as if a sudden thought had struck her. "Ohh! And keep those files in a safe place. They are meant to be confidential."

And with that the front door clicked shut, and Li Yue was gone just as quickly as she had arrived. In the bedroom, Li Wei and An Mei kissed once more before the sweet embrace of sleep reclaimed them.

*     *     *

An hour of blissful and uninterrupted sleep passed before the quietness of the bedroom once again gave way to unwelcome noise. This time it was An Mei's phone, and she had a call from Li Hua, CLO of the Wu Long group.

An Mei's phone was right next to Li Wei's on the other side of the bed. Li Wei, wide awake and feeling impish, was being playfully unhelpful. So An Mei, unwilling to leave the bed, had to crawl over him to get to her phone. While she did so, her raven-black hair cascaded over his face, prickling his nose.

Li Wei immediately took his revenge by tickling her in her most sensitive spots. An Mei erupted in a fit of giggles and struggled to fight back against her mercilessly mischievous husband. But when she saw the caller ID, she almost dropped the phone and immediately shushed Li Wei. "It's Hua-jie," she whispered conspiratorially, as if saying Li Hua's name out loud might summon her right then and there.

She answered the call. "He... Hello?" she managed to say while still trying to recover from the tickle attack.

A razor-sharp voice answered her back. "Xiao-Mei. Did I catch you at a bad time?" There was also a slight hint of playfulness in the tone. "You sound out of breath."

"Er-jie. No! Not at all." An Mei was still lying on top of her husband, and Li Wei, unable to let go of the opportunity despite the fact that it was Li Hua at the other end of the call, tried to grope his wife. An Mei lightly swatted away his hands. "We were just...sleeping, that's all."

"At this hour?! My brother is a bad influence on you, Xiao-Mei," Li Hua quipped. "Well, forgetting about him for a while, listen, Meimei, I need a favour. The annual Bar Association gala is in a week, and I have nothing appropriate to wear. If the Group is not represented at the gala, it's just a bad look all around. So, I need to go shopping, and I need someone sane, with normal tastes, to help me pick something appropriate and formal."

Li Wei, unwilling to accept defeat, changed tactics. He went for his wife's most delicate area, her ears, and started nibbling on them.

While Li Wei was tormenting An Mei, on the other side of the phone, Li Hua continued her wry monologue. "You know I am not very good with these things. And I can't rely on my sisters. Da-jie is simply not an option. She is too busy. If I ask her, she will probably buy the entire store to get it over with in five minutes. Xiao-Na has a quarterly audit coming up, so she will be swamped with that. Xiao-Jing, let's not even go there. I mean, you know how she is. She will probably try to use me as her personal dress-up doll and pick something backless with a slit up to the thighs. And then there is Xiao-Yue, whose idea of formal clothes is her 'good' hoodie."

An Mei was almost about to lose control and moan due to the constant stimulation of her ears. But she held herself back with great difficulty. She knew that next time she would not be so lucky. She had to do something drastic to stop her husband. A ridiculous idea flashed into her mind, and An Mei, in her desperation, leaned down and gave Li Wei's cheek a slow and deliberate lick.

Li Wei, who was expecting An Mei to crack any second, was stunned by his wife's unexpected counterattack and promptly dissolved into a puddle of giggles.

Meanwhile, Li Hua kept going. "And your sister has classes. So she is also not an option either. You are my only hope, Meimei. Are you free this Tuesday?"

"Of course, Er-jie," An Mei said, smiling down at her still giggling husband. "I'd love to go shopping with you."

"You are a lifesaver," Li Hua breathed a sigh of genuine relief. "Thank you, Xiao-Mei. Now, I'll let you get back to... whatever it is that's making my brother giggle like a little boy. Apologies for interrupting you both."

When the call ended, An Mei placed her phone back on the nightstand. Without relinquishing her position on top of Li Wei, who had now almost recovered from his peals of laughter, she playfully punched him on the shoulder. "Bendan. You almost gave me a heart attack with that stunt. It's a miracle that I did not embarrass myself in front of Hua-jie."

Without displaying the slightest sign of remorse, Li Wei grabbed An Mei's cheeks with both hands and squished them. "My hero!" He teased before giving her another ardent kiss.

An Mei melted into his kiss and forgot all about her previous frustration. They kept sharing tender kisses and quiet laughter before falling asleep, with An Mei still on top of Li Wei. The shopping trip with Li Hua was by now a distant thought. In the timeless warmth of their bed, it felt a lifetime away.

*     *     *

They were so startled by the barrage of doorbell chimes that An Mei fell on the bed from her secure perch on top of Li Wei. The couple sat up and looked at each other as the doorbell continued to ring with alarming urgency.

"What is it, Weiwei?" An Mei asked, her voice laced with worry.

"I don't know," Li Wei replied. Just as he was about to get off the bed, the front door clicked open, and two very familiar voices filled the apartment.

The first was soft but firm and currently extremely mortified. "You can't ring the doorbell like a madwoman, Xiao-Jing! They might still be sleeping." It was Li Na, the CFO of the Wu Long Group.

The second, a more melodic and distinct voice that was recognized all over the country, was very, very drunk. "Nonsense Na-jie. How else will they know that we are here?" There was a brief pause. "Where are we anyway?" It was Li Jing, the Chief Brand Officer of the Wu Long Group and the face of the conglomerate as its top model.

Li Wei and An Mei shared a look of relief and sank back into their pillows.

"We are at Weiwei and Meimei's house, Li Jing. Come on, get up, don't sit on the floor." Li Na sounded exasperated.

Inside the bedroom the peace that was demolished by the frantic ringing of the doorbell was slowly being restored.

"Why are they here?" Li Wei asked his wife. "And why does Jing-jie sound so drunk?"

"She had to attend a movie industry party last night. I heard her mention it a couple of days ago. She must have dragged Na-jie along with her to the party. The venue is pretty close by. I guess they decided to crash here instead of going all the way to their homes."

While the bedroom was turning peaceful, the living room was anything but. "Weiwei?!" Li Jing mulled over the name. "You know. I have a... little brother by that name. He is... such a... very, very... precious, sweet boy. He is so small, like a tiny baby goat."

"I know. He is my brother too. Please stop eating the paper."

Hearing his sister compare him to a baby goat, Li Wei's face turned beet red. His profound mortification was only heightened by his wife's suppressed laughter.

Li Jing continued, completely oblivious to her brother's embarrassment. "He is twenty-two years old. But he is so terrible with women. How will he ever get a girlfriend? ... My poor baby."

"He is already married, Xiao-Jing. His wife is An Mei, remember? We are at their house. Now sit right here. Let me see if there is any food."

"An Mei?!" Li Jing's alcohol-addled mind took some time to process the name. "Ohh! Meimei. She is wonderful. She'd be purrfect for Weiwei. But she is a famous writer, and my Didi doesn't even have a job. How will he impress her? Li Na... Na-jie... Nana, what will he do? Can you give him a job? Please, please, please."

"Xiao-Jing! Let go of my hand! Weiwei already has a job. He is a university professor. Now be quiet."

"Waaah! My Baobei is never going to get married. What do we do?! Waaah!"

Li Wei wished that the ground would swallow him up whole so that he did not have to face his wife or the world again. Denied that mercy, he had to settle for burying his face in the pillows.

The bedroom door slowly opened, and Li Na's kind face peeked in. "Really sorry for disturbing you guys, but do you happen to have any food left?"

Meanwhile, Li Jing's wailing continued uninterrupted. "Waaah! I am never going to be an aunt. Waaah!...Waaah!"

An Mei smiled warmly at her sister-in-law. "Of course, Na-jie. We have some leftovers from last night's dinner in the fridge. Just heat it up in the microwave. There is plenty for both of you."

Li Na's face flooded with relief. "Thank you so much, Meimei. I was afraid that I would have to drag a drunk and cranky Xiao-Jing around to some restaurant." Her attention turned to her little brother, who was still refusing to lift his head out of the pillows. "Sorry, Wei'er. We will be out of your hair soon, alright. Sleep tight, you two." Li Wei nodded his head while still lying face down.

After that, except for one or two of Li Jing's loud comments and the beeping of the microwave, the sounds from outside largely subsided.

"Are you not planning on coming out of your pillow fortress, Professor Baby Goat?" An Mei teased.

"Don't you start as well," Li Wei grumbled, finally turning around to face his wife. "My enthusiasm for a tickle fight has not yet fully subsided, you know."

"Forgive me, Professor Li," An Mei said mischievously. "I will be your good little girl. Please don't punish me." She puffed up her cheeks in exaggerated innocence, leaving Li Wei with no other option than to give her a deep and loving kiss.

"By the way, how come there are leftovers? We never have leftovers." Li Wei asked curiously.

"Well, when Jing-jie mentioned that the party was nearby, I guessed something like this might happen. So I made a little extra rice and stir-fried beef, just in case."

Li Wei gazed into her eyes, his heart swelling with admiration for An Mei, and whispered words of quiet appreciation. "Thank you, Meimei. For putting up with my crazy family."

An Mei cupped his cheek and kissed him. "They are my family too, Laogong."

They did not hear the sound of Li Na and Li Jing leaving, as pretty soon Li Wei and An Mei were both in the land of dreams, comfortably wrapped around each other.

*     *     *

Glossary:

Bendan = Stupid, idiot. Literally, it means 'stupid egg'. It can be used as a term of endearment between couples.

Didi = Little brother. Can also be used for an unrelated younger male.

Laogong = Husband.

Renormalization = Advances techniques in Quantum Electrodynamics and other related subfields of Physics.

Wei'er = (Given name ' er) is a highly affectionate term used by someone older to refer to someone younger. It is usually used by mothers to refer to their children.