Chapter Three | It Turns Out You Being Alive Is More Cruel Than Your Death

Lin Nian didn’t know how she ended up following Gu Chen out of the funeral home.

The sky was endlessly gray, like a sheet of old iron pressing down on her chest. She walked half a step behind him—exactly the same distance as before.

Only this time, she didn’t dare reach out.

She was afraid that the moment she touched him, everything would shatter.

Gu Chen walked very slowly, so slowly it felt as though he were deliberately waiting for her, yet he never once looked back.

Not until they entered the café across from the hospital.

It was empty.

He sat down and slid the neatly folded report across the table toward her.

Lin Nian stared at the lines of text for a long time before she could barely make them out.

Severe rejection reaction.
Risk of multiple organ failure.
Poor prognosis.

She suddenly let out a soft laugh.

“So what now?”
She looked up at him, her eyes frighteningly red. “When are you planning to die again this time?”

Gu Chen’s fingers clenched abruptly.

“Lin Nian.”

For the first time since they met again, he called her by name.

But it was as if something inside her had been flipped open. She collapsed completely.

“Do you have any idea how I lived through those three years?”
Her voice wasn’t loud, but every word trembled. “Every morning I woke up, the first thing I thought was whether you were really dead.”

“I didn’t dare delete your number, didn’t dare move, didn’t dare love anyone else.”
“Because I was afraid that one day you’d suddenly come back and wouldn’t be able to find me.”

Gu Chen lowered his head. His shoulders shook slightly.

“I couldn’t bear to let you wait for death with me.”
He said quietly. “That would’ve been too cruel.”

Lin Nian stood up and slammed her palm hard against the table.

“Then why did you come back now?!”
“To prove your choice back then was right?”

Her tears finally fell—silently.

“Gu Chen, don’t you think it’s ridiculous?”
“You decided to live on your own, decided to die on your own, and now you’re even taking away my right to hate you.”

Gu Chen was silent for a long time.

So long that Lin Nian thought he wouldn’t speak again.

“I came back,” he finally said, his voice so low it was barely audible, “because I’m about to collapse.”

Her chest tightened violently.

“I think about you every day,”
he said. “So much that I’m almost going insane.”

That single sentence was more lethal than any explanation.

Lin Nian took a step back, as if stabbed straight through the chest.

“Then why didn’t you come back earlier?”

Gu Chen looked up at her.

That look shattered her completely.

“Because I was afraid you’d see me like this.”

His fingers slowly undid his cuff, revealing his wrist.

Dense needle marks, bruises blooming purple and blue—and that old scar she knew all too well.

Lin Nian stopped breathing.

That scar was from years ago, when he’d been cut by glass while protecting her.

Only then did she realize—

He hadn’t come back suddenly.
He had held on until the very end before coming back.

“Nian Nian,” he said softly, “this time, I don’t have the right to ask you for a future.”

Lin Nian bit down hard on her lip, the taste of blood spreading through her mouth.

“But I already don’t have a future.”
She looked at him, her gaze terrifyingly empty. “The day you died, I died with you once already.”

Gu Chen shot to his feet, his face instantly drained of color, his breathing ragged.

“Don’t say things like that.”

She only laughed harder.

“Aren’t you the one who understands best?”
“The people who are left alive are the ones who suffer the most.”

Gu Chen suddenly reached out and pulled her tightly into his arms.

This was their first embrace since reuniting.

He held her fiercely, as if trying to press her into his bones, yet also as if saying goodbye.

Lin Nian stiffened for a second, then hugged him back just as hard.

She finally cried out loud.

The sobs were suppressed, broken—like a soul trapped for three years, finally finding an exit.

Gu Chen rested his chin against the top of her head, his voice hoarse.

“This time,” he said, “hate me if you want, leave me if you want.”

“But don’t die for me again.”

Lin Nian closed her eyes.

She knew—

The real torment had only just begun.