Memories

I didn’t recognise the room when I opened my eyes, and I turned my head on the mattress. The low ceiling and damp brick walls, eroded by time, looked back at me through the darkness. Only a small crystal, contained in a jar on a table that had seen better days, illuminated the space.

The air was cold and damp, and I shivered as my hands slowly examined the rough fabric of the dress I was wearing. I couldn’t distinguish the colour in the faint light.

My body instinctively tensed as I struggled to sit up and look at my surroundings, but no harm came to me as the old mattress, barely offering any protection from the hard wooden planks it rested on, yielded beneath me. Where was I?

Suddenly, the air felt heavy and suffocating, and I struggled to take another breath, but I resisted the urge to scream and call for help and only glanced towards the heavy metal door, not knowing what may lie on the other side.

Was it strange to react this way? I didn’t know. My mind went blank every time I tried to think, and the dizziness that followed each attempt made me regret trying it in the first place.

Tears filled my eyes, but something in me forced me to stay quiet, and instead, I slowly lowered my feet to the floor, even though the only thing I wanted was to lie down, close my eyes and disappear.

The stone under my feet was rough and so cold that it almost felt like it burnt my skin, but the discomfort awoke my senses and forced a strange calmness upon my mind.

I got up and took my time to examine my body. It didn’t seem I was hurt in any way, except for a small bruise on my knee that barely pained when I touched it, and I could move my limbs freely without any discomfort.

My hair was long and felt soft and clean between my fingers despite the dampness that permeated the air, but for some reason, I was surprised by its white colour, even though I couldn’t say why.

Suddenly, I wished for a mirror so I could see my face, since touching it couldn’t tell me much about how I looked. But there was none in the room, so I was left with my guesses.

I took a few steps towards the old table, and my body seemed to know better than to make any noise. I looked at the small crystal trapped in the jar. Its soft blue light was beautiful as it fought to dispel the darkness around us, and I almost touched the glass, only to hesitate at the last moment, even though I didn’t know why.

Would I break it if I touched it…? Would it hurt me? My body tensed at the thought, and I pulled my hand away from the jar, trusting my instincts. I glanced at the metal door. Why couldn't I remember anything?

By now, my body seemed to have gotten used to the cold. The freezing stones under my feet didn’t bother me anymore, and the dampness that lingered on my skin felt so natural that I’d stopped paying attention to it.

I saw wooden crates stacked on top of each other in the corner of the room, far from the faint light of the crystal lamp on the table. Part of me wanted to search the room, but I didn’t dare to make a sound, not being sure who or what it might attract.

I closed my eyes and let my senses travel further than what my eyes could see. The sound of running water filled my ears, and for a moment, I wondered why I hadn’t noticed it before. Almost instantly, images of an underground channel carrying masses of water filled my mind, and I knew that the current was strong and the path on its side was slippery and covered in moss that felt soft when you walked on it.

Further downstream, there was a place where the water was warm, and we used to…

I blinked and opened my eyes as memories I was sure I hadn’t had just a few moments ago suddenly danced before my eyes. I rested my hands on the table as a sudden spell of dizziness overtook me, and breathing became difficult once again.

I didn’t know how long it lasted. There was nothing around me that would tell me the passage of time, but in the end, it subsided, and I made my way to the bed and sat down. I wrapped myself in a rough blanket as my body shivered, drenched in cold sweat. What had happened to me?

My body had slowly begun to relax under the weight of the blanket and the comfort it brought when I heard soft footsteps against the background of flowing water. I froze, and with rising panic, I watched as the lock on the metal door slowly began to turn, and the scraping of rusted metal pierced the air as the door opened.

“Iris, it’s me. I am coming in, okay?”

The sudden voice startled me. It was soft and friendly, but I didn’t know who it belonged to, even if it felt familiar.

“Are you still sleeping?”

The door opened, and in the faint light of the crystal lamp, I could see a girl walking in. She wore dark overalls, and her short hair was tucked under a cap, but somehow I knew it was light brown and soft to the touch.

“Iris…”

She put her heavy-looking bag on the floor and looked at me, concerned, but the only thing I could think at that moment was if Iris really was my name, and if so, why I couldn’t remember it.

“Iris…”

She sighed and closed the door behind her.

“You don’t remember…again…”

Again? What did she mean? I looked at her, confused.

“Do you remember anything?”

I almost shook my head, but something in her voice made me stop, and I looked at her face, half hidden by the dancing shadows. She seemed sad. She really cared about me, but why…?

“I remember…the place with warm water where we went and the soft moss on the way and…and your soft hair…”

I looked down.

“But I don’t remember your name…”

“It’s okay”, she said softly.

She walked over to the bed and sat down next to me.

“I’m Agatha.”

I looked at her, trying hard to remember anything, but my mind stayed blank.

“I am sorry.”

“It's okay.”

She put her hand on mine, and a strange feeling of familiarity filled me. I followed my instinct and opened my blanket and wrapped it around her shoulder.

“Why am I like this? Why don’t I remember?”

“I don’t know. You have been like this since I found you. Sometimes you forget things.”

I sighed. It wasn’t the answer I had hoped for. It raised so many questions, but what was the point of asking them if I would forget the answers again? How many times had I already asked, only to forget…

She put her arm around me, and I found a strange comfort in it. It felt so familiar, and I was sure she had done it many times before.

“Deep inside you remember,” she said softly.

“What do you mean?”

“You remember the hot water, my hair and the blanket.”

“I do.”

I smiled and looked at her.

“Your memories will slowly come back.”

I sighed and rested my head on her shoulder.

“What if I forget you again?”

“You never did…”

“But…”

“Sometimes you forget my name, but you never forgot me…”