18. the world’s assassin-to-be gets reincarnated in another world as a catgirl

It took a moment to connect two and two: earlier, when my shadow had materialized to choke me, someone must’ve been puppeteering it. Once I’d weaponized the mushroom against it, I’d not only caused it to explode, but also the person behind.

A hooded figure landed gracelessly a short distance away. Upon standing up, they held up a hand; the magic beams stopped immediately. “First of all,” said the thing, “Congratulations on completing your first uh… the first part of your first quest. As you can see,” he gestured at the hole where the mushroom used to be, now dominated by the soupy remains of the dark fairy, “our team already suffered a casualty. Two, counting our mentor, Crystalmoon44. It is because of this that I humbly propose the following deal: if you hand over that quest item, we won’t report your vile, merciless murder. However, if you decline…”

A second, smaller figure landed next to him, using her face.

The hooded figure cleared his throat. “...we might be forced to seek justice.”

“Eat shit,” replied Yukimura, who now sat upon the chest.

“Unfortunate. We shall report this posthaste… after we take that item. In another life, under different circumstances, perhaps we might’ve been able to be friends. Might our song of ash and fire be—”

I slammed my foot against the side of his knees. He’d report me and probably attack us again, so there was no reason to keep listening to this nonsense.

As the hooded figure collapsed, screeching, Yukimura said, “Ha! You reap what they sow, and what you sow is PAIN! Don’t think I didn’t recognize you, Chaoslordofobliteration.”

Chaoslordofobliteration was unable to reply, but he flipped Yukimura a very familiar gesture. The smaller, hooded figure knelt next to him. “You… monster,” she hissed. “Usami69… of all people… why did we have to find you here!? Go away!”

“Gladly.” Yukimura, alias Usami69, was unable to pick up the chest again. I assumed that he’d encountered some… friends? From some videogame, probably. I took the loot in his stead so he could continue facing his dark past. “Thanks,” Yukimura mumbled, which stunned me. Out loud, he continued, “Let it be known that Usami was here, as Usami has always been, and always will be. Seethe in your incompetence, worthless maggots. We’ll let you live as an act of mercy.”

Never mind, I should’ve just let him embarrass himself. He was doing a great job already anyway.

“Y-yeah…” Hisui trailed off. “Um. Goodbye, trash.”

Cute.

As we left, half to show off and half because he could barely walk, Yukimura slung an arm over Hisui’s shoulders. The problem was that he then did the same to me. “They’re from an enemy guild,” he explained. “We used to go on raids together, but then Crystalmoon44 joined and destroyed the group chat with her drama. We’ll stay like this until we’re out of their line of sight.”

“The same girl Seishin killed?” Asked Hisui.

“She’ll respawn,” was my feeble defense. For some reason, it didn’t bother me to be so close to… fine, I just liked being included in something for once.

“Unfortunately, she will,” Yukimura said. “I’m just glad they’re suffering. Chaoslordofobliteration (why did he keep saying the whole thing) was even worse. He liked Crystalmoon44, so he kept defending her, and he blamed Aoko for the drama. Aoko of all people. He could’ve at least tried to make it believable. But yeah, thanks for uh… what was it you did again?”

I shrugged.

“Very helpful. Thanks.”

Break his knees, that’s what. I knew firsthand (pun intended) that fractures were of little consequence in this world, so it wasn’t that important. I was far less enthused about the… well… the literal murder. She’d respawn, sure, and it’s not like I could possibly have known that stabbing my own shadow with an explosive mushroom would lead to homicide, but still…

“Well, I tried,” Yukimura said, then thankfully moved on. “Now that we know PK is possible, we gotta be more careful. Ishida can use the branch technique for the next two shrooms. Hisui can defend. I’ll be there for emotional support.”

“PK?” Hisui asked.

“Player kill. Didn’t you say you play MMOs?”

Oh dear. “M-maybe. I just haven’t had time lately…”

“...uh-huh.”

“It’s true! I’ve been too busy with student council stuff and studying and my part-time job and all of that. I haven’t had time for anything. And once I go to college, it’ll be more studying. And once I graduate, it’ll be more work. And then I’ll be old. That’s why I haven’t had… time.”

“Then stop,” Yukimura said. “You people with good grades are stupid. All that extra work for no reason.”

They were violating rule E. Also, wasn’t Yukimura at the top of the class?

As if on cue, he added, “I don’t study. Never have and never will.”

I felt like stomping on his foot, and so did Hisui, based on the look she gave him. It was the second-closest thing I’d seen to anger from her yet. “I’ve seen your name near the top of the score board, though… must be nice. A natural genius.”

Yukimura rolled his eyes. “That doesn’t exist. Anyway, I’m sorry about Pochi.”

“Tama,” Hisui corrected. She was quiet for a moment. Considering she’d called my life—MY life—prodigious, she probably disagreed on a fundamental level. I’d PK myself if this started a debate. “I just found out that she’s part of a mycelial system, so that’s fine. She’s alive.”

“Cool,” Yukimura said. Translation: I don’t know what a mycelial system is and I don’t care.

I did, though. I’d seen it in a horror movie. The army of Tamas were part of a huge, underground organism, which made me wonder how much more powerful the eight wood fairies above Hisui’s rank were if she could control a literal fungi hivemind.

Not too long after, we found the second mushroom. It was similarly unguarded. Predictably, after I skewered it, someone attacked, but then they got skewered too and I became a serial killer. Kidding. We just ran.

Hisui’s mushrooms worked as provisional shields, but they were remarkably easy to break. Having Aoko around again would be a breath of fresh air… if she didn’t get poached.

After we failed to get a third mushroom multiple times, Yukimura demanded a strategic meeting. He sat on top of the chest to “protect it” like it wasn’t obvious that he just wanted a chair. Hisui had apparently angered Tama due to overuse, so she and I sat on the grass. “It’s getting late,” Yukimura said. “We have…” he checked the time on his phone. Of course he brought that along. “...actually, no idea. I should’ve asked how time works here. But anyway, it feels like it’s getting late. I propose giving up.”

“No,” Hisui said immediately.

“I knew you’d say that, but I believe in the power of democracy. Ishida?”

I shook my head.

“Why?”

I shrugged.

“Oh, right, I forgot this thing is incapable of conversation. Then he doesn’t count. Aoko does, though, and she would’ve said yes, so democracy wins.”

Truth be told, I’d said no just to annoy him, but it was becoming depressingly evident that we wouldn’t be able to get the final mushroom. By that point, quest items had grown scarce; those left fighting were either people who had already gathered the quest items but wanted to keep playing, or those desperate due to not getting any yet.

With Hisui’s hivemind rebelling, Yukimura being dead weight, and I being a magicless fraud, we stood no chance. Or maybe we did, but I didn’t want to PK again.

I proved my capability for conversation as follows: “We should just. Maybe. Never mind.”

Hisui translated: “What he means is that this is our chance to prove that we’re not the worst ones. That skill is not dictated by rank. That archaic, simplistic classifications of capability often hinder outliers who might excel under different regimes but might forever be burdened by a system meant to homogenize individuality.”

“Um. No, I’m just hungry.”

“Oh. Me too.”

I expected Yukimura to either oppose this through surgical gamer rage or reply with something similarly unhinged, but this seemed to strike a chord.

So… were we giving up or not?

“There are supplies back in the tent,” Hisui said. “But I don’t know where it is…”

I’d left some markers as we’d traversed the woods, but thanks to my stupid monster eyes, everything was so bright that the supposed numbers were probably gibberish. Had this been a normal forest and I would’ve used rocks as markers instead, but alas.

Hisui sighed. “Fine. Let’s go to the village.”

By contrast, the Igasu village was easy to find even with— “W-wait.” They both turned to glance at me. As I looked away, I pointed at my eyes.

“Fuck you,” Yukimura opined.

“Hmm…” Hisui trailed off. “I mean… Seishin, by this point, a lot of people saw you already. What’s the point of hiding it from Connie?”

Not Connie—the village. If a therianthrope was an Igasu’s natural predator, then surely they’d know how to spot one. I’d been avoiding thinking about this, but… what would I do with these things? I shrugged.

“It’ll be fine. You’ll see.” She held out a hand to help me up, which I took, obviously.

Maybe Connie would know what to do. Maybe there was a way to hide them. Or else…

I hadn’t even thought about how tired my arms were until I tried to lift the chest again, then winced.

“I can,” Hisui said.

I shook my head.

Yukimura opined, “It’s her turn.”

“Yup. I can.”

I lifted it anyway. It was a good workout if nothing else. I hadn’t done that yesterday, for obvious reasons, but I’d have to go back to it eventually, especially if I stayed a magicless fraud.

“Hey, Yukimura, didn’t you mention that we also had to reached the edge of the forest?”

Yukimura took a moment to reply. “That was optional.”

“Optional? Like extra credit?”

“Yeah, basically. You guys are hungry, though, so we can just do that tomorrow.”

Neither Hisui nor I were convinced, but neither of us contested this.

The Igasu village was easy to spot because of a giant sign saying REST STOP surrounded by other elevator-sized balls—Igasu houses. I pulled the hood over my head. I’d just stay at the entrance. If an Igasu tried to be annoyingly cordial, I’d just close my eyes or threaten them depending on the situation.

I was so hungry, though.

Not for Igasu, thankfully, just… anything. I’d skipped lunch during the turtle trial.

A swarm of outlanders lounged outside of the village. “Oh, another group!” One of them, some redhead with twintails said. “Hey!”

“Do you know her?” Hisui asked Yukimura. She, too, had been scarred by Chaoswhatever’s theatrics.

“Nah. Actually, yeah, she’s Ishida’s ex.”

These two were having a field day lying about me, weren’t they? Of course, Hisui took it at face value. “Oh. She’s pretty. Hey!” She waved back.

While Hisui was distracted, I dropped the chest on Yukimura’s foot, who squealed. The issue then was that I physically couldn’t lift that thing again, so I had to drag it to the entrance instead. Yukimura limped behind us after calling me something that would be censored in a light novel.

“Hi hi!” Said the redhead. “We were just finished as well. The Igasu at the entrance said she’s getting something ready. How did you guys do?”

“Great!” Hisui replied. “How about you?”

“Also great. Admittedly, it might’ve been a bit too easy with me ending up No.1 among flame fairies, but that’s fine! I was probably just lucky.”

Hisui’s smile froze in place. “That’s nice to hear… congrats…”

A blue-haired girl with a bob joined in. Yukimura grimaced, so I could see where this was going. “Good afternoon. I was selected as No.1 as well. For the snow fairies.” She turned to Yukimura. “How have you been?”

He nodded.

“I’m glad, um, I think. We were a bit worried about you, given your results.”

He shrugged.

“I wasn’t able to say this earlier, but please don’t feel discouraged. You’re doing great so far.”

He nodded. Having weaponized my speech… patterns… Yukimura fluffed his scarf, then sat on the chest. The No.1 fairy awkwardly skidded back to the other No.1 fairy, who couldn’t resist anymore: “What ranks and species does everyone have? You guys look very strong!”

“Snow fairy,” Yukimura responded. “Last place.”

“Wood fairy,” Hisui said, checking her nails in an adorably fake attempt to seem disinterested. “Ninth place.”

Therianthrope. First place, because there was nobody else. “Turtle. Last place.”

The elite fairies exchanged glances. They couldn’t be fake nice again, for the Igasu showed up after that, not from a portal, but underground; she burst through an entrance I’d assumed was an ordinary stone. “Ready!” She said. “Oh, more finishers! Hiii! I’m Roonie. After me, please. The tunnel is a bit small, so please watch out.”