Even If I Don't Feel A Thing

(A/N: I'm sorry my update schedule is inconsistent, I'm in my first year of college right now and school is tough 🙇 I haven't lost interest, so don't worry.) 

I stopped at home to get supplies for making rice porridge and tea. I’d use Yuu’s kitchen so the food could be hot. Ryoya’s parents weren’t home, so no one questioned me as I rifled through the kitchen. Since I’d made the bentos, I was a little more familiar with it now, and I got together everything quickly, including a pot. After thinking for a second, I also took along a couple cans of soup and a plastic-wrapped pack of tissues.

It was different seeing it in person; she lived in an old apartment block, with walls of thick concrete and cobwebs residing in the corners. I knocked a few times at her door, and when no one came, tried to open it. It was unlocked.

“Chihara-san?”

Light from a crack in the curtains illuminated a marble counter and fell on the floor. Apart from that, everything was obscured in darkness. I flicked on the light.

No one was in the small kitchen. The door near the end probably led to her bedroom. In the sink, there was a pile of unwashed dishes. A cup of spicy instant ramen sat on the counter next to her kettle. I lifted the peel-off top and found that the cup was full of watery broth gone cold. This probably isn’t any good anymore.

I knocked lightly on the bedroom door. “Chihara-san, I’m here.” I slid it open.

A shape huddled under blankets in the corner of the room. She was curled up under all her blankets on a futon, an empty bottle of water lying on its side beside her. At my words, she made a faint whimpering sound.

“I’ll go get you more water, okay?”

I took her empty water bottle and filled it up at the sink, then put it back at the side of her futon. A slim tan hand emerged from the blankets, grabbing at it. Next, another hand tugged the covers down, finally exposing a sliver of Yuu’s face. She gazed up at me with exhausted brown eyes, hair stuck to her cheeks with sweat. “What…” Her voice crackled with the signs of a sore throat.

“I’ll look after you tonight, don’t worry about it. Drink some water.”

She obeyed, drinking almost the entire bottle. Drips ran down her face and a bit of water spilled on the blanket. She put it back, curling up again.

I filled it up again and returned it. “I’m going to make you some food. Do you have your phone?”

She nodded.

“Okay, call me if you need anything in that time. I’ll come when my phone rings.”

I closed the bedroom door and got started on the rice porridge. After I got the rice simmering, I tossed out the over-steeped spicy ramen and started water for tea.

Since I was here waiting, I might as well do the dishes too.

When the tea was ready, I took it to Yuu in a travel mug. By the time the rice porridge was ready, I had finished washing the dishes. She kept her house in pretty good shape for someone living alone, even though it wasn’t perfect.

Her “bedroom” was really an interchangeable Japanese-style room, with a low circular table opposite the futon. I set spoons and two bowls of rice porridge down on it. “Do you think you can come here and sit up?”

“Mmhm.” Yuu crawled out of bed, dragging her blankets, and sat across from me at the table. Hesitantly, she took a bite.

After that first bite, her appetite seemed to increase. She took the bowl in both hands and drank directly from it.

I went and got her another mug of tea.

After having a good amount of porridge, she glanced up at me, seeming a bit nervous. Her voice was slightly less hoarse than before as she asked, “Why’re you here?”

“Like I messaged, I heard you were sick.”

She took another bite of porridge. “This is good.”

“Thanks.” I’d made it with dashijiru, which in my opinion improved most things.

+4 Love Points.

A sudden huge increase! But Yuu’s wary attitude didn’t seem to change. She even scooted back from me, and tugged up the blankets to wrap more of her face.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“Sorry.”

She pushed the porridge away a bit and hid her face in the blanket. Her shoulders shook. I passed her the tissues I’d brought. She took them and wiped her face; they came away damp with tears and snot.

“I guess,” she said shakily, “I’m more emotional, because of this cold.”

“That’s okay.”

“Feels embarrassing.” She sniffed back the last of her tears and drank some more tea.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

+1 Drama Point. Then a screen appeared. 8 Points Required. Love Points: Sufficient. Drama Points: Insufficient. Misfortune Points: Insufficient.

Oh, good. I’d wanted the love points to beat out everything! Use Love Points, I thought. Though, it was weird how just my choices could make her follow a certain route, like a puppet.

“I guess I’m not really into showing my feelings. I’m more of the cool type, you know? Someone like you…keeps kind of dragging them out of me,” she said with a blush.

I giggled, in a way that probably came off as disingenuous and homosexual, before remembering to act like I had aura. I leaned in and asked in a lower pitch, “Do you like it?”

“Nope!” Yuu squeaked. She retreated back into her cocoon of blankets and brought one up to cover her face.

“Do you want any more food?” I asked.

She shook her head. “You don’t have to look after me.”

“But you’re really sick, right? You should rest, and I’ll look after you.” Whenever I was Chihara’s level of sick, it felt like all I could do to get up briefly. She hadn’t stood, and even then seemed a bit dizzy. Her water bottle had been empty. She needed looking after.

“I’m not hungry.” Yuu crawled back to her futon and laid down.

A minute later, she kicked off the blankets and stood up shakily. I had started folding her laundry, but dropped the shirt I was folding to run and steady her.

“I’m okay,” Yuu said, leaning her weight on me. “I just have to use the bathroom.”

“I’ll help you there.”

“Did it before when you weren’t here.”

“Still.” I helped her walk to the bathroom and waited outside in the kitchen until she finished.

She’d splashed water on her face and seemed a bit more together, though she still let me help her stand. Her gaze landed on the clear counter. “The dishes…?”

“I washed them.”

“And laundry…” +1 Love Point. “Where’s my spicy ramen?”

“It had gone cold, so I threw it out. Do you want me to make more?”

“Mhm. Yeah.”

After helping her lie back down, I went back into the kitchen to fulfill that task. Since it had already boiled water once, the kettle finished quickly this time, steam screaming out of it before I hurriedly shut it off.

“Are you going to do it?”

“Sure! I don’t want to be punished.”

I poured the water, trying not to spill any on my hands, which were unsteady.

“But what about her? It’s not fair to her, right?”

“You know I know that!”

Ugh.

“Here you go.” I set the spicy ramen on the table.

Yuu didn’t seem to want to get out of her blanket pile, rolling over and making a vague unhappy sound in my direction.

“It’ll get cold again if you leave it.”

“That’s okay, just leave it alone.”

“I’m probably going to head home and let you sleep. Is there anything you need before that?”

“Stay—!”

Her voice was hoarse and quiet, but the word was unmistakable. I stopped at the door. “Okay, I’ll stay.”

She shook her head. “I didn’t…you don’t have to.”

“I can stay. Okay? I’m free.”

She nodded and wrapped herself back up in the blankets. I borrowed a book from a stack in the corner, borrowed a blanket from her closet, and got comfortable myself across the room from her, then turned out the main light.

Sitting cozy under a pile of blankets in a warm room with the sound of someone else sleeping wasn’t a great environment for staying awake. Occasionally, I was startled into awareness with the sound of her coughing. But basically, I completely fell asleep in her house.

I awoke to a hoarse voice saying “Miya…”

I rubbed my eyes. “Yeah?”

A hand waved a mug in my face. I took it and went to the kitchen to make her more tea.

Birds chirped. I lifted the windowshade to see the sky a mid-purple, stars bright high in the air, fading near the sunrise. The sunrise; orange and gold and lavender. Sun just barely blocked by the buildings, light shining and reflecting off of the windows. In the distance, people walked on the ground; in the close-range, a bird chirped outside our window.

I came back in the room and whispered, “Chihara-san.”

Her throat seemed too hoarse to speak properly, but she could stand. She got up and followed me, a sleepy but curious look in her eyes. When we reached the window, she stood there for a long moment and stared out, leaning on the counter.

“It’s beautiful, right?”

She nodded.

“I’m an artist. I’d love to draw a view like this…”

She took a sip from the mug I’d left on the counter. Didn’t seem to be bothered by the heat of the water. After a few coughs she said, “Good to just look, too.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

We stood in companionable silence for a long time, watching the sun make its way up the sky.

Ryoya’s parents had texted me with concern when I didn’t come home last night. I sent them a quick text, “Sorry, accidentally fell asleep at a friend’s house” and his dad replied “Glad you’re safe”.

“I’m okay now,” Yuu said, voice crackling, sitting at the table in her room with more tea and freshly made porridge. “Don’t you have…”

“School? Yeah. But I skip class a lot.” Almost all the male leads did, Sakura and Higanbana alike. They also smoked, drank, and got in fights. Nothing but good role models.

“I’ll call you if I feel as sick as I did last night again,” Yuu promised. “Thank you so much.”

“Okay, sounds good. Um…”

She waved her hand around her neck, indicating that her throat was too sore to answer questions.

“I’ll see you later, then.” I collected up my things. “Can I borrow this book?”

She nodded.

“And I’m going to leave the ingredients for rice porridge here. Do you know how to make it?”

She shook her head.

“I’ll write you a recipe for it, then. It’s really simple.” I put down my stuff, sat down, and started scribbling out the basics.

+1 Love Point. Yuu drained her cup of tea, coughed several times, and then spoke with a clearer voice. “I taught you to make coffee, now you’re teaching me how to make rice porridge, huh?”

“Yeah, I suppose.”

“You’re a great cook.”

“Thanks!” I said, pleased. “You’re great at making coffee.”

“Well, I hope so.” She pulled some blankets around her again. “I mean, it’s the main thing I’m gonna have experience in, for my life.”

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Nevermind. You should head out.”

“Chihara-san, if there’s something you’re worried over, you can talk to me about it, okay?”

“Nah. It’s nothing.”

She seemed upset, though. Maybe it was just the sickly cast to her face, grayish skin and reddened lower eyelids. But I knew it was tempting to talk about your feelings to other people, I’d basically spilled my guts to Mae; if Yuu talked, we’d become closer (and the system would stay off my case).

“Do you…want more life experience? To do something else?”

“Yeah, no shit. But I don’t want to go back to high school.”

“Why?”

“To afford living on my own, I have to work. I…couldn’t deal with the orphanage where I was raised. They cared, it’s just, if I hear a little kid call me Yuu-nee or someone takes my shit one more time, I’m gonna start killing.”

“You can always get your proficiency certificate. I’d help you study.”

“Calm down, loverboy.”

“I don’t mean it like that. Or, hey, when you’re better…want to go around Sakura Academy with me?”

Yuu hesitated. “…Yeah. I might like that.”