Chapter 8: This isekai is too slop bro

Sophia landed on top of him, still latched onto his neck like a particularly aggressive leech. The bed frame creaked ominously.

"Get-off—" Crow grunted, grabbing her wrists.

She made a muffled sound of protest but didn't release.

He rolled, pinning her beneath him, finally managing to wrench her hands above her head locking them there with one hand. Their faces were inches apart.

Despite his strength, Sophia remains latched. She clings to his neck like a predator, her legs locking around his waist to trap him.

Crow uses his free hand to shove her shoulder, trying to pry her away. She resists. Her eyes remain glazed and wide. She looks through him.

Crazy frenzied maid.

I can't lose consciousness now… or it's over.

Crow's vision began to blur slightly.

Sophia's eyes were glazed, unfocused, blood, his blood, staining her lips.

"Snap out of it…" Crow wheezes, then he shook her wrists. "Let GO!"

She blinked slowly, like waking from a dream.

Then her fangs retracted.

"Mmm..." She licked her lips. "You taste... really good..."

"That's GREAT. Super flattering. Now—"

She drew him back in with her legs, tightening her hold.

Then

Chomp!

Yeah… maybe it's the end.

THUNK.

The door handle rattled violently.

Both of them froze.

THUNK. THUNK.

Someone was trying to force it open.

Great… hurry and take this crazy maid away from me!

The rattling stopped.

A key scraped in the lock.

Click.

The door swung open.

A woman stood in the doorway, tall, black hair cascading past her shoulders, striking features that could've graced royal portraits. She wore dark robes that marked her as one of Alice's inner circle.

Her crimson eyes swept the scene.

Crow straddling Sophia.

On the bed.

Both disheveled. Blood on Sophia's mouth.

Her legs wrapped around his waist.

His hands pinning her wrists above her head.

She stared.

Crow stared back.

Sophia, still dazed, smiled dreamily up at him.

Five full seconds of absolute silence.

"…"

The woman opened her mouth, without saying anything she closed again.

Then the woman stepped backward.

Closed the door.

Her footsteps echoed down the corridor.

Gone.

Noooo! Take her with you!

Crow slowly turned his head to look down at Sophia.

This looks bad, doesn't it? Maybe I am screwed.

Sophia giggled. Actually giggled.

"Lady Sharon probably thinks you're having fun~"

"Yeah, so much fun… wait, you're conscious. Get out of here, you crazy psycho."

Crow released her wrists and scrambled off the bed.

"Semantics." Sophia sat up, stretching like a satisfied cat. She touched her lips, where traces of his blood still lingered. "Mmm. I should get in trouble more often."

Crow pressed his hand to his neck. The wound hadn't closed at all. Her saliva coated his skin, cold and sticky. Pain burned through his nerves, sharp and relentless.

"You almost KILLED me."

"Almost." Sophia stood, smoothing her maid uniform. "But I stopped. See? Self-control."

"You stopped because I physically restrained you!"

She tilted her head, considering. "True. But you DID manage to restrain me. That's impressive, I am a little strong you know."

Before Crow could respond, she drifted toward the door, pausing at the threshold.

"Oh, and Crow?" She glanced back, eyes gleaming mischievously. "Lady Sharon is Alice's most trusted general. And some maids, probably heard us. By morning, everyone in the castle will know about our... tryst."

"OUR WHAT—"

But she was already gone, dissolving into shadow with a final, tinkling laugh.

Crow stood alone in his room.

Bleeding.

Exhausted.

And now, apparently, the subject of castle-wide gossip.

Haha… why I don't feel surprised at all?

He looked down at the bed, sheets twisted, imprint of two bodies clearly visible.

Then at the door, still open, because Sophia hadn't bothered closing it properly.

Then at his shoulder and neck, bite marks, blood, damning evidence.

"I hate this place." He muttered.

He walked to the door, closed it, and wedged a chair under the handle.

It wouldn't stop a vampire.

But at least he'd HEAR them coming.

He collapsed onto the bed, staring at the ceiling.

Day one in the Boss's palace: Almost died. Got bitten by a maid. Started a scandal with a vampire.

Tomorrow I have to raid a dungeon and potentially fight the Hero.

Lets see how bad I am.

Status

***

Name: Crow (former name error) Soul Level 11

Title: The Spared One.

Situation: Drained and sleepy

STR 21 (-50% debuff)

DEX 22 (-33% debuff)

CON 25.5 (-50% debuff)

INT 22

WIS 27

***

Learned Skills:

Hand to Hand Combat level 3

Swordmanship level 1

Persuasion level 1

***

Passive Skills:

Quick Reflex

Enduring Soul

Soul Devourer

Frail Existence

Questionable Charm

***

Abnormal effects

Drained

Low blood

Weakened

Fragility

***

He closed his eyes.

...That tomato farm is sounding better every second.

Outside, thunder rumbled.

Somewhere in the castle, he could've sworn he heard laughter.

I need to eat. Drink something. Forget it.

As long as I don't get eaten while I'm sleeping.

Ah, the famous death flag.

Crow regretted saying that the moment the words left his mouth, but it was already said. There wasn't much he could do, so he ended up falling asleep.

***

The environment plunged into darkness. Above, a hole gaped in the ceiling, and metal scraped across stone

SHHHHHHRRKK.

What?

Crow's head snapped sideways. The lake. The Cleric floated there, submerged, her white robes billowing beneath the surface.

He didn't hesitate. Crow bolted toward the water, legs pumping, heart hammering against his ribs.

He plunged in and dragged her into his arms. Water streamed from her robes, white fabric clinging, transparent, revealing the contours beneath. Heat crawled up his neck. She hung limp, unconscious.

"Ah, sorry for this," he muttered, gaze sliding away from where it shouldn't linger. He tilted her head back, sealed his mouth over hers, and breathed.

Her eyes fluttered open, drowsy, unfocused. She gazed up at him, and a faint smile traced her lips. Her hand rose, fingers brushing his cheek.

"I forgive you... Karl."

Crow blinked. "Wait, I needed to do that so you could breathe—"

"Not for that..."

Her smile twisted.

"For letting me... die."

"..."

Ice flooded Crow's veins. The chamber warped, walls bleeding into shadow. Bodies littered the ground, dozens, hundreds sprawled in a shallow pool. Crimson spread beneath them, lapping at his boots.

He looked down.

Lily lay in his arms, wounds gaping across her torso. Blood seeped between his fingers.

"But you know, Karl..." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I fell in love... with you."

She pulled him down and kissed him-slow, desperate goodbye that tasted of copper and salt. Then, her grip loosened.

Her eyes widened, staring at something behind him.

"He... he's here," she whispered, her voice vanishing into a death rattle.

Karl spun around. The massive cleaver caught the light, a wall of cold steel descending.

***

BOOM!

Shatter.

Crow launched upright, chest heaving, as if the cleaver had actually sliced through his lungs. Cold sweat drenched his skin.

"Lily..." he gasped, the name a jagged fragment in his throat.

He gripped his head, teeth grinding.

"What the… ah, just a dream. Wait. No. She's part of the Hero's group!" He muttered.

Realization crashed over him like a wave. The color drained from his face.

After that, if things continued that way, considering how she handled that guy, she'd die. That is... if she wasn't already dead. Like in the game where they die from random things.

The hero couldn't survive too long without her in the party… he is a problem for me now, but without him… this world doesn't stand a chance.

I don't know if she escaped… no, she's alive… I can't remember what happened to her after I passed out in that place, but I know she's alive. Her group was there, close to us, she said. Something must have happened.

Crow's gaze shifted sideways. Sophia, the maid who'd drained him the previous night, stood frozen beside the shattered remains of a vase scattered across the floor.

Then she turned her head at him, and a laugh escaped from her.

"Tee-hee~" She tapped her fist to her cheek, tongue out, a single fang peeking through her smile.

This is not a cliché isekai. Why are you doing this? What am I just seeing?

Crow put his hand on his face, cringed, then said,

"Ah, it's you. Didn't come back for seconds, did you?"

She stepped forward. "May I? Cough, cough—I mean, I came to summon you. Her Majesty requests your presence in the banquet hall."

Drool glistened at the corner of her mouth. She wiped it away with the fabric of her sleeve, the uniform bunching awkwardly around her forearm.

Crow stared, and his mind blanking. A single thought looped through his head.

If I hadn't woken up when I did...

He shook it off. At least the girl wore her desires openly, unlike his ex from the other world, who'd smiled while twisting the knife.

Actually, every woman here's been brutally honest. For better or worse.

The thought trailed him as he followed Sophia down the corridor toward their destination.

Upon arriving at the location, Alice greeted him. She sat at the head of the palace banquet hall's long table and said to him.

"So? What did you think of the castle? Nice, right? You can sit. The servants will bring your meal."

Crow sat at the side, toward the middle of the table, approximately one meter's distance from the queen. As he settled, he gazed through the window.

Overcast sky. Light snow falling.

This place isn't so bad for someone who hates bright sunlight. Actually, no, it's the calm before the storm, I know. Things will get insane as always. I can feel it.

Alice interrupted his train of thought.

"Now that your plan is underway and the messenger has been sent, Crow... after acquiring the artifacts, what do you intend to do next?"

Crow studied her, his expression turning thoughtful.

He remembered the dream.

If there's an overwhelming victory against them, it would result in Lily's death—that is, if she isn't already dead. And honestly, I like the Hero. All of them in the group, actually. After all, they're characters I played for so long. Well, all except the rogue.

After thinking for a moment, Crow responded with,

"Well, we'll prepare for when he returns. And let me face the Hero. I have a plan."

The villainess smiled, her eyes gleaming with amusement.

"Then tell me... how do you intend to face the Hero? He would certainly defeat you easily at this moment."

Crow remained silent for a moment before responding, his voice laden with determination.

"Nah I'd win."

Alice stared at him without expression.

"..."

Obviously I can't win, but that's not the objective.

"I need to get stronger. Until then, I have some ideas on how to achieve that."

The villainess leaned forward, interested.

"Right. Are you well? You seem tired even after a night's sleep. You should be recovered by now."

He lifted his eyes to her, and beside him Sophia began to tremble.

Crow noticed and felt pity.

Poor girl.

"Well, a lot happened in a short time. I'll get better soon, I believe."

Crazy maid, you owe me one.

The villainess smiled, satisfied.

"Then, after you recover, I'll grant you permission to implement your plans. Dimitri will soon deliver the message to the Hero, and for him to return to the frontier entrance would take roughly one more day on average."

"But before..." Alice's soft voice cut through the banquet hall's silence, laden with a slightly amused tone.

Crow lifted his eyes to her and observed her for a moment, waiting for her to continue speaking.

So?

But the silence lasted approximately thirty-three seconds, and staring at her that long, he felt something strange within himself.

What?

This isn't normal. Is it some type of skill? And why would she use it on me now? I feel manipulated by something. Well, without doubt it's not because of appearance—no matter how beautiful someone is, this isn't normal. Is it the elixir? Better avoid looking at her too much.

***

The status Windows opened

Warning!

Ring of Wisdom.

The user is being affected by a passive charming skill—

Really?

Before he could look away, Crow saw

Name: Alice Von Hollowfar

Title: "The Tyrant Maiden of the Snow Raven Realm"

Soul Level: IMMEASURABLE

STR ???

DEX ???

CON ???

INT ???

WIS ???

FAITH ???

Error.

User lacks sufficient authority, Error??? ??? all information ??? the target.

Only showing partially the skills.

Passive skills:

Exceptional Agility

Temporal Control

Spatial Control

Matchless Beauty

Error.

User lacks sufficient authority to see more.

***

Right, the eyes can't be stared at for too long, apparently.

He averted his gaze.

Alice noticed, and a crooked smile surfaced on her lips.

"Before your hunt, Crow... you're injured. We can't have my new advisor walking around like a walking corpse, can we?"

She snapped her fingers, and almost immediately, a silhouette emerged from the hall's shadows.

A woman.

She walked with grace and confidence, wearing an impeccable maid uniform—black and white, with simple details and a well-fitted apron. Her hair was dark, tied in a side braid, and her eyes carried an intense reddish tone, slightly more opaque than Alice's.

But what truly caught Crow's attention were her fangs, faintly visible when she opened a small smile.

A vampire.

Familiar… I think.

She stopped before the throne and performed an elegant bow.

Alice continued.

"Only a few are permitted there... but since this is a situation where we lack time, I'll grant you permission as well."

The maid looked at her and Alice continued speaking.

"Take him to the treatment location. One hour should suffice considering the mana."

The maid turned to him and said.

"My name is Sharon, Lord Crow." Her voice emerged firm yet gentle.

Wait a moment. This vampire, I almost didn't recognize her since she's dressed as a maid now, but she's the woman from before... I hope she hasn't told anyone what she saw.

"The queen ordered me to care for your recovery and accompany you from now on. We'll go to the recovery location after you finish eating."

Crow glanced at Alice, who merely smiled, satisfied.

"She'll ensure you're in top form before facing your challenges."

***

11 minutes later.

Sharon approached, her gaze assessing his injuries without hesitation.

"You need treatment. Despite being nearly recovered... you're undoubtedly quite exhausted and almost drained of blood—"

Cough, cough...

"Please, follow me."

Crow hesitated for a moment, then sighed, accepting. He glanced one last time at Alice and those present in the banquet hall, then departed with Sharon.

Behind him, the villainess smiled crookedly, observing his every step.

"Fufufu. The game is only beginning. So, someone can injure me... Interesting." She whispered, covering her mouth slightly, as many subordinates were staring at her in the banquet hall.

She finally felt a challenge existed, and her life of tedium had ended—now with enemies who could offer some risk.

Crow followed Sharon through the castle's shadowy corridors. The black marble floor reflected the bluish torchlight softly, casting distorted shadows on walls adorned with ancient tapestries.

Sharon walked ahead, her steps graceful and silent, almost as if gliding across the floor. Crow observed her briefly. Her bearing was impeccable, and her posture conveyed a mixture of discipline and confidence.

"So... about last night, it was all a misunderstanding, okay?" Crow commented, breaking the silence.

Sharon glanced over her shoulder and responded.

"Hm. Misunderstandings happen, but usually not in that manner." Her voice emerged firm, slightly devoid of emotion.

Better to pretend it never happened and leave it alone.

Sharon released a low chuckle.

"Relax. Sophia usually causes trouble. Anyway—"

They arrived at a large dark wooden door. Sharon opened it and indicated he should enter.

"A sauna? Why did we come here?" he asked.

"For what else? To fully heal your injuries. This sauna possesses healing properties," she said, smiling.

This is too sus, bro. After all that's happened till now…

I know the game's based on Japanese culture, but I don't know, using a sauna to heal? Obviously something's going to happen.

"Right..." As he moved to the back area to change into a bath towel, she said.

"I'll return in an hour."

After that, she left.

As Crow entered the sauna, he took the opportunity to think.

She's so similar to Alice. The difference is she appears more mature, probably a few years older. Maybe a relative? But that doesn't make sense, if so, she'd be a noble, not a maid.

The situation isn't good. I'd better start thinking about how to retire, if the world doesn't end first. Not to mention, maybe she is already dead.

"Lily, be alive..." he murmured.

A fight is inevitable between us and the Hero's group. One side would have to die. This is problematic. Right now, being able to access the forum would solve everything... isekai isn't as easy as they make it seem.

***

After twenty minutes, Crow was nearly dozing off when suddenly someone entered the sauna with him and sat on the opposite side, 1 meter away.

Mist everywhere, obscuring vision.

Crow didn't say a word.

A low, mocking voice cut through the steam.

"Who the hell are you to be using the Queen's private sauna? Some stray she picked up yesterday already thinks he's important? Pathetic. You'll be discarded like yesterday's trash soon enough, little extra."

Crow tensed, towel slipping slightly. His heart picked up again.

What heck?

Then he responded.

"And who are you supposed to be?" he shot back, trying to sound calmer than he felt.

Seriously? A secret confrontation in a steam-filled sauna? This is driving me nuts.

Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think, and feel free to point out any grammar mistakes. I'll clean them up.