1

Paaris reached for the glass of lemonade. Condensation slid down the side of it, and she brushed a bit of it away with the pad of her thumb, savoring the coolness on her fingertips. This July was hotter than usual for Rochester. The air sat damp with moisture in a blanket over her arms, and the rusty fan that hung from the ceiling of the wraparound porch of this restaurant wasn’t cutting it.

“We should’ve sat inside.” His voice held a trace of guilt, and she looked up to meet his gaze. He pinched the collar of his white button-down and pulled it forward slightly in hopes of catching whatever breeze their still surroundings could offer. He looked at her sheepishly. “I mean, I thought you would like the view, but…”

“I do—sitting outside is worth it,” she reassured him. “I’ve been wanting to come to this restaurant for a while now. Thanks for bringing me, Da’ud.”

The man’s shoulders relaxed and his eyes softened as he leaned back into his chair. Paaris loved the way his gentle, dark eyes warmed when he looked at her. His affections weren’t hidden, and she knew that he couldn’t hide them even if he tried. She had always wanted a partner who could have their heart on their sleeve for her, and words couldn’t describe how grateful she was to God that she had found him.

“There’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while now.” Da’ud’s expression was suddenly stiff with nerves. His eyebrows were furrowed the way they did whenever he found a calculation error while reviewing his reports. His jaw was clenched slightly, the way it would when he was unsure how his superior would respond to one of his suggestions.

Here it comes, she thought. Finally. This time. This time, he was going to ask. She could feel her heart thudding madly in her chest. She took a few moments to compose herself. “What is it?” she responded coolly. At least, she hoped she had responded coolly. Her mother had warned her that men get scared off if the woman that they wish to pursue appears too eager to begin a relationship with them. She didn’t think Da’ud would be like that, but she didn’t want to take any chances with him.

“The prototype cloud-seeding process that they’re trying in the UAE. I don’t think they’re accounting for the variation in saturation vapor pressure at that elevation.”

Paaris blinked. Her eyes found a square in the checkered tablecloth to glare at. She was suddenly hyper-aware of her posture: her back was ramrod straight, her shoulders were squared, and she had literally been sitting at the edge of her seat, for heaven’s sake. So much for being subtle. So much for waiting. It had been two years now. Two years of shared lunches, two years of philosophical back-and-forths, two years of laughing at poor jokes, two years of supporting each other through thick and thin at work.

“Are you kidding me?” The words fell from her lips without her realizing. Her wide eyes were still focused on the tablecloth.

“Uh, what?” Da’ud seemed confused. Why did he seem confused?

“I said, are you kidding me?” she found the courage to look up at him. Her eyes were starting to burn, but she forced herself not to blink for fear that tears might fall. “Da’ud,” her voice choked, “aren’t we ready to take the next step by now?”

His gentle eyes were filled with confusion. “What do you mean? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You don’t know—” Paaris cut herself off as she heard herself raise her voice, a dull ache throbbing in her chest. She couldn’t be angry with him, that would only make things worse. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, sighing from her nose. There was no more dancing around it now. It was best to just be straightforward with her expectations. “Da’ud, I was hoping that you would propose to me soon.”

The bewilderment in his eyes somehow increased tenfold as Da’ud was visibly taken aback, leaning away from the table. He squinted at her for a moment, as if Paaris had grown antlers on her head, then asked, “Have I done something to lead you to believe that? If I have, I owe you an apology.”

She swallowed, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. It felt like the allergic reaction she would get when she ate a few too many cherries. Paaris looked down at her lap, at her hands that were clasped together so tightly that her knuckles had turned white. “But we’ve spent so much time together. Did none of it mean anything to you?”

“Of course it did—it does,” he responded with a touch of incredulity at her words. “But that was…that was between coworkers, between friends, and as a team. Why are you talking as if we won’t be that way anymore?”

“You’ve got some nerve,” Paaris snapped, forgetting any intentions of maintaining her temper. “How am I supposed to treat you like a friend now, when I’ve thought of you as more than that for so long?”

“But I don’t get why you thought of me that way. Was it something I said?”

“It was everything!” Paaris spread her hands in a helpless gesture. “The way you spoke to me, how you always bought me coffee the way I liked it, how we always get lunch together—”

“—Um.” An anxious voice interjected. Paaris turned to her right and nearly fell from her chair. Their coworker, Tracy, was sitting at the side of their table. They set down the iPhone that they had been scrolling through. “Listen, because you guys are having this conversation with me around, and not alone, I’m assuming that means that I can contribute to it. So, Paaris, I hate to break it to you, but Da’ud is like that with everybody.”

“When did you get here, Tracy?!” Paaris shrieked.

“Come on, I’ve been here the whole time,” they sighed, adjusting their wireframe glasses. “You really never seem to notice when I’m with you, since you're always just watching Da’ud. He gets coffee to order for the whole team when we’re working overtime, you know. Literally every time we’re on lunch break, the three of us go out to eat. I was just talking about this new Italian place with a great garden, and Da’ud said that we should try it today, so we came.”

Paaris paused, perplexed. “But he gets my coffee perfect every time. And we came to this restaurant because I told him I like gardens, a while back.”

“Right,” Tracy agreed. “And I told him that I like gardens, too—and he said that he’s been interested in landscaping recently. That’s why we’re here. Plus, Da’ud is just a considerate guy, he likes making sure that everyone gets their bean juice the way they like it. For me, that means four shots of espresso and two shots of vanilla. He makes sure the coffee shop gets it right every time,” they shrugged. Da’ud affirmed their words with a silent nod.

For a time, only the whining cries of cicadas and the chatter of patrons from inside the restaurant could be heard.

Paaris slumped in her chair. Her face, already red from the heat, gained a deeper hue as the embarrassment washed over her. She couldn’t look at Da’ud. She couldn’t look at the garden. And she absolutely could not look at Tracy. She could just feel the pity emanating from their form. “I’m real sorry you had to find out like this, Paaris.” Tracy’s Canadian accent surfaced as they placed a well-intended hand on her shoulder. It took all of Paaris’s willpower not to impulsively smack it away.

“It’s not anyone’s fault but my own,” Paaris muttered defeatedly. “You don’t have anything to apologize for. I must have been so rude to you, Tracy. I just can’t believe I was this unobservant. ”

“Yeah, neither can I,” Tracy mumbled to themself. Realizing their mistake, they gave Paaris a quick smile. “Ah, I mean, that can happen when people get too focused, you know? I can’t blame you. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“I’m sorry, Paaris,” Da’ud said. “I didn’t mean to mislead you. I should’ve been more careful from the start.”

Oh, Da’ud, Paaris thought numbly. Even now, you’re so thoughtful. “Like I said, it’s no one else’s fault—I was just thinking too hard, I guess,” Paaris smiled thinly. She didn’t know what to think anymore. Had she really been deceiving herself for two whole years? She looked up at Da’ud, who looked genuinely concerned for her. She couldn’t be upset with him when he was this earnest. After all, these sort of feelings for another person either exist, or they don’t. Da’ud’s sincerity somehow hurt more than her newly-discovered unrequited love, and she laughed inwardly at her own foolishness.

“Thanks for waiting!” A server had come out with a large black tray laden with two twelve-inch pies, swiftly placing each on the table. “Call me over if you need anything else, okay?”

No one responded, so Tracy said a quick “thank you” and sent them on their way.

“…Well, the pizza’s here!” Tracy announced chipperly. Their attempt to clear the awkwardness and lift the mood was noble, albeit a little obvious, but Paaris found that sweet. She wondered what other things she hadn’t noticed about Tracy, during all that time she had been focused on Da’ud.

“Yeah,” Paaris looked at them gratefully. “It smells great. Let’s eat.”