Valentine's Day love letter corner

"Hello, everyone! I'm Kisha Shinbun, and today, we've got something special for you! That's right, to celebrate Valentine's Day, I've gotten the greenlight to start up a new spin-off of my talk show titled, Love letter corner! Each day, or session, I'll be sharing a love letter written by someone on air. First up..."

A stagehand appeared and handed Kisha a letter.

"Hmm, to... ME!? Well, one way to start things off. 'Dear Kisha, please shave your fucking head. The blonde perm makes you look hideous, smooth bald n' browless would look so much better. -Anonymous' ... The fuck!? Alright, next letter!"

The next letter was also addressed to Kisha.

"'Dear Kisha, what do your feet smell like? -Lil Jann'. Well, better than the last one. Let's see, the body wash I use is lavender coconut, so probably that."

"If I may, can I give a message to Lil Jann?" the producer asked as he stepped on stage.

"Sure."

"Dear Lil Jann, check your living room. There will soon be ghosts there."

"... OK... Next one is to one Dooigi Johnson... Uh, we get someone else's mail by mistake?"

"No, I'm Dooigi," a mustachioed cameraman stated.

"Weird... 'Dear Dooigi, why do you sometimes wear your brother, Magio's clothes? -Toadbarf'."

"Well Toadbarf... Eh, I don't know. But Magio says 'It's pretty fuckin' weird'."

Everyone stared awkwardly at Dooigi.

"Something I said?"

"Moving on. 'Dear Kisha, why do you style your hair like Marilyn Monroe? -A concerned fan'. Uh, not sure what the need for concern is. I like the do she rocked, I rock it too. Simple as that."

The next letter was the final one for the show.

"'Dear Kisha, will you marry me and become one of my wives? -Dorm Lavini'. ... WHO THE FUCK IS DORM LAVINI!?"

"President of Andorra, which he then merged into Moldova, so... prime minister president of Moldova?" the producer shrugged.

"Answer's no. And that's it for the show. Happy Valentine's Day!" Kisha waved as she forced a smile.

[End]