Twisted Shadow

I pulled my car into the dark, echoing concrete of my building's parking garage.

"Alright, let’s take the elevator right over there," I said smoothly, killing the engine.

I stepped out, walked around the hood, and opened the passenger door for her. Gabriella stepped out, clutching her backpack straps tightly to her chest. Her beautiful face was painted with obvious anxiety. Her brown eyes darted nervously around the empty garage, her eyebrows lifted in apprehension. She caught me looking at her and immediately blushed, dropping her gaze to the concrete floor.

God, she's so cute, my ego preened, feeding off the validation. She looks exactly like a scared, cornered puppy.

"Are you okay?" I asked, keeping my voice low and gentle.

She just nodded tightly.

"Alright. Just follow me." I flashed her a warm, practiced smile.

We walked toward the elevator bank. Once the metal doors slid shut, sealing us inside, I noticed her posture go completely rigid. Her hands were fidgeting endlessly with her sleeves. She looked exactly like prey being dragged willingly up to the predator's nest.

"Gaby, why do you look so nervous? I'm not going to bite."

"Gaby?" She looked up at me, blinking in surprise.

Oh fuck! Oh fuck! I slipped! My internal monologue panicked. I had broken the pickup-artist rule—I used a nickname before establishing physical intimacy.

"Ah, sorry," I quickly rubbed the back of my neck, playing the role of the embarrassed, harmless guy. "I just thought it was easier to call you that instead of Gabriella."

She giggled, her tense shoulders dropping an inch. "It’s okay! My parents usually call me Gaby, too. You can call me Gaby if you want."

Fuhh!!! Yes! A lucky save!

"Alright, Gaby it is! Or maybe I should call you Ella?"

"Gasp! Please don’t! That’s my strict nanny's name!" she warned, a genuine smile breaking across her face.

"Then Gabriel it is."

She reached out and playfully pinched the fabric of my shirt sleeve. "You just made me sound like a middle-aged cashier at Walmart."

We both laughed. The heavy, awkward tension in the elevator completely evaporated. My charm was working perfectly.

The Fracture.

The elevator doors chimed open. We walked down the silent hallway, and I unlocked the heavy door to my loft.

"Welcome to my humble abode," I announced, pushing the door open.

She stepped past the entryway and down into the massive, open-concept living room. Her eyes widened as she took in the exposed brick, the high ceilings, and the expensive furniture.

Shit! Look at that fine ass, my manic, toxic voice suddenly screamed in my head. I want to grab it! I should push her against the wall right now, spread her legs, and bury my face in her neck. And then—

"Daeron?"

I blinked, the violent, predatory fantasy instantly vanishing. Shit! Did she notice me staring? Fuck! Play it cool! I'm just horny!

"Uh—yeah?" I asked, shoving my hands into my pockets.

"Are you alright?" She turned fully around to face me. The wonder in her eyes was completely gone, replaced by deep concern. "You look incredibly sad... ever since you put the key in the door. Is everything alright?" She stepped closer, her brown eyes carefully searching my face.

What? I’m sad? No! No! No! I’m horny! I brought her here to hook up! I’m not sad!! … Am I?

"No, it’s nothing," I lied, forcing a wide, entirely fake smile onto my face. "Come on, let me show you the mini-library."

I led her around the corner. When she saw the massive bookshelves and floor cushions, her jaw literally dropped.

"Dios Mio! You really do have a mini-library!" She looked back at me, her eyes sparkling with innocent excitement. "Can I?"

"Sure, go ahead. I’ll go grab us some snacks."

She rushed toward the shelves, trailing her fingers over the spines of the heavy books like a kid in a candy store. I retreated to the kitchen counter to grab some chips, but her words were echoing violently in my skull.

Gaby said I look sad. I didn’t feel sad. I felt numb. Why the hell would my face look sad?

No! You’re not sad! You’re just horny! Look at her! That’s an easy target you should bang right now! Go!

"Gaby, what do you want to drink? Coffee? Hot chocolate? Beer?" I called out across the loft.

She didn't respond; she was too absorbed in reading the back cover of a novel. My hands hovered over the cabinets.

I should make hot chocolate, right? Because Jessica loved it so much. If Jessica loved it, Gaby will love it too.

No! Grab the Tequila! my manic voice shrieked. Make her drunk! Bang her senselessly and forget the pain!

SHUT UP!! I closed my eyes tightly, gripping my own hair and pulling hard.

Fuck! What’s wrong with my brain?!

I took a deep, shuddering breath and forced my hands to move. Muscle memory completely took over. I pulled the cocoa powder from the pantry and began preparing the hot chocolate on the stove. The rich, sweet aroma began to drift through the cold kitchen.

Instantly, a brutal, visceral hallucination hit me. The smell was identical to the mornings before she left. In my mind, I could perfectly see Jessica wandering into the kitchen, wearing my oversized t-shirt, complaining about the cold. She would snatch the warm mug right out of my hands, give me a quick, sticky kiss, and carry it over to the balcony.

Please... my chest physically caved in, the agony returning in full force. Please, God… come back here, Jess. I miss you so fucking much.

"Daeron?"

Gaby’s soft, timid voice shattered the memory. She walked slowly into the kitchen, stopping a few feet away from me. "Why are you crying?"

"Huh?" I reached up, my fingers brushing against my cheek. I felt a wet, cold sensation. Tears were steadily streaming down my face, dripping off my jaw onto my shirt.

Why didn't I even realize I was crying? My body and my brain were completely disconnected.

"Are you alright?" she asked, stepping closer.

"Yeah.. yeah! I'm sorry, I just... I caught a speck of dust in my eye," I lied pathetically, wiping my face raw with the back of my hand. "Come on! I made you some hot chocolate."

I grabbed the tray, quickly carrying the mugs and snacks over to the low table in the mini-library.

Gaby sat down gracefully on the floor cushion across from me. She didn't reach for the books or the hot chocolate. She just looked deeply into my red, swollen eyes.

"If there’s something you want to share, Daeron... I’m right here," she said softly. "Sharing it with someone will lift the burden off your shoulders, you know. You don't have to hide it. You can count on me whenever you’re ready." She gave me a warm, deeply empathetic smile.

"Thanks, Gaby. Really." I stared down at the floorboards, completely ashamed of what I had almost done to her.

She nodded, gracefully letting the heavy topic drop. "Also... look what I found hiding behind the classics." She reached behind her back and dropped a thin, obnoxious paperback onto the table. 'How to Impress a Girl on the First Date'. "Really, Daeron? You actually read this kind of stuff?" She giggled, pointing at the cheesy cover.

"What?? No!" I gasped, my face burning with genuine embarrassment. Nikolay must have hidden that there months ago as a prank. "I swear to God, I didn't even know that was on the shelf!"

She laughed out loud, a bright, musical sound. "Yeah, yeah. Sure, I totally believe you, champ."

We spent the rest of the evening sitting on the cushions, roasting each other mercilessly. I quickly realized she wasn't just a quiet nerd; she was actually incredibly witty and playful. After the banter died down, we actually opened our textbooks and studied together in comfortable silence. When the city lights came on outside the windows, I packed up her things and safely drove her back to her dorm.

Bah! You absolute fool!! You missed your chance, idiot!!! my toxic internal monologue raged as I watched her walk safely into her building.

Shut up. Just shut the fuck up, I thought, resting my head against the steering wheel. I was so exhausted. I didn't want to manipulate anyone. I just wanted to go home and sleep.

**

The harsh morning sunlight pierced my eyelids, forcing me awake.

I groaned, rolling onto my back. My neck cracked in protest. Sleeping on the stiff leather couch for three nights in a row was completely destroying my spine. But I refused to sleep in the bedroom. I couldn't do it. I wasn’t ready to ruin the faint, sweet scent of vanilla perfume that was still clinging to her pillowcases. I wasn't ready to lay in the center of that massive mattress and face the cold, empty space beside me. The bedroom was a shrine to a ghost, and I couldn't bear to step inside.

Fuck! Why am I so pathetic?

Bzzt! My phone vibrated in the pocket of my sweatpants. I pulled it out, squinting at the bright screen. It was Gaby.

Gaby: Morning! You don’t have class today, right? Can I come over to your place later?

Me: Sure! My door is always open, Gaby.

Gaby: Great! I’ll drop by later after class. I only have one in the morning today. See you soon!

I let out a long, heavy exhale. Well, at least I wouldn't be rotting in isolation today.

Distraction, I reminded myself. Keep moving. I forced myself up and spent the next few hours aggressively cleaning the loft. I scrubbed the counters, threw away the empty beer bottles, and desperately tried to erase the depression from the room. Once the place looked decent, I grabbed a cold beer, sat out on the balcony cushions, and blindly strummed my guitar until the doorbell finally rang.

The Echo.

I unlocked the heavy door and pulled it open.

"Hey!" Gaby greeted me cheerfully.

She was wearing a fitted white tank top and denim shorts, her dark hair tied up in a messy bun. But my eyes didn't register her outfit. My gaze dropped instantly to her hands. She was holding a cardboard drink carrier and two foil-wrapped hotdogs.

All the air rushed out of my lungs.

My vision blurred. Why? Why is she doing this? The universe was playing a sick, twisted joke on me. It was the exact same meal. It was the exact same scenario I had walked into on the day my entire world shattered. Coming home. Holding hotdogs. A silent, empty apartment.

"Daeron? Why are you just standing there staring?" Gaby asked, her smile faltering slightly.

I blinked hard, violently forcing the memory back down into the dark corners of my brain. "Ah, nothing," I lied, clearing my throat. "It’s just… unusual to see you without your big college hoodie on."

"Well, it’s a really hot day today, you know!" she giggled brightly, completely unaware of the panic attack she had just triggered. "Can we eat these over in the mini-library?"

"Ah, sure. No problem!" I forced a wide, charming smile onto my face, closing the door behind her. "You really love that corner, huh?"

"I love it! You have really good taste in room arrangement," she complimented, walking gracefully toward the floor cushions.

Look at that ass! Come on! my manic, predatory inner voice immediately supplied, desperate to hijack my brain to avoid the pain. She’s sexier than Jessica anyway! Just unleash it! Take her right here!

Shut the fuck up! I screamed at myself.

"What do you want to drink, Gaby?" I asked, putting the kitchen island between us so I could breathe.

"Umm, anything will do!"

"I have some cold beverages. Do you want a beer? Cola? Cold water?"

"Cola! It’s the perfect pairing with a hotdog!"

"Yes, ma’am!" I grabbed a can of cola and another beer, walking over to the mini-library and sitting on the cushion opposite her.

"Here’s your hotdog! I bought it from the cart near campus. It tastes amazing, you know, I go there all the time," she giggled, taking a delicate bite of her food. Her lips looked incredibly soft, and she looked objectively beautiful sitting in the afternoon sunlight.

But I couldn't eat. I just stared blindly at the foil wrapper in my hands. The dissociation was taking over.

Don’t you want to taste it? my broken mind whispered. Does it taste like back then?

I closed my eyes tightly, fighting a wave of nausea. I couldn't look at Gaby. Whenever I looked at her, my mind slipped. I stared at the hotdog, agonizing over how perfect this afternoon would be if Jessica were still around. It would be her sitting on that cushion. She would be stealing my fries, arguing with me about which vendor had the best relish, filling the loft with her loud, infectious laughter.

"Daeron?" I flinched, snapping back to the present. "Do you not like hotdogs?"

"No, I love them!" I blurted out. I immediately took a massive, desperate bite, just to give my mouth something to do besides frown.

The taste hit my tongue, and suddenly, my body realized it was completely starved. I hadn't eaten a solid meal in over twenty-four hours. I began to inhale the food like a wild animal, tearing through the bun in seconds.

Gaby giggled, a sweet, musical sound. "Are you really that hungry?" She pointed a delicate finger at my face. "Look, you’ve got mustard and ketchup all over your cheek and chin."

I stopped chewing, suddenly humiliated. I had eaten half the hotdog in three bites. She pulled a soft tissue from her pocket and handed it across the low table. "Here."

I quickly scrubbed at my mouth.

She giggled again. "Look, you missed a spot. You still have a stain right there on your chin." She leaned forward across the table, her small, warm hand reaching out to gently wipe my jawline with her thumb.

Jess….

I froze. I looked deeply into her brown eyes. As she felt my gaze, her faint smile slowly faded. She looked back into my eyes, her hand lingering on my jaw, the air between us suddenly thick and heavy with unspoken tension.

Touch her! the manic voice commanded.

My hand moved on pure, blind instinct. I reached up, my fingers gently tracing the smooth skin of her jaw. I slid my palm around to the back of her neck, my fingers tangling in her dark hair. I slowly, deliberately pulled her forward until her soft lips and warm breath were hovering just a millimeter away from mine.

I miss you, Jess.

I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against hers.

She responded instantly, kissing me back with a gentle, eager warmth. Her breath hitched, growing heavy against my skin. I slid my hands down to her waist, pulling her entirely across the low table and into my lap. Her arms immediately flew up, circling tightly around my neck. I could feel the rapid, frantic fluttering of her heartbeat pressing against my chest. Slowly… slowly… I pulled her deeper into the illusion.

I miss you so fucking much, babe.

My lips began to devour hers, turning the gentle kiss into something desperate and hungry. I dug my hands into the soft, full curve of her hips, anchoring her to me. Her breathing became ragged, and she held onto me tighter, completely surrendering to the physical escalation. A soft, breathy whimper leaked out from her parted lips, sending a jolt of electricity straight to my groin.

My hands moved up, slipping under the hem of her tank top. I dragged my warm palms up her stomach, my thumbs brushing against the lace of her bra. My lips left her mouth, venturing down to kiss the sensitive skin of her neck and collarbone. The soft moans escaping her lips grew louder, echoing in the quiet mini-library.

I miss you, Jess. I really miss you. I pretended it was ginger hair in my hands. I pretended it was vanilla perfume in the air.

"Ahn.. Daeron..."

Her voice shattered the hallucination. It was higher. Softer. It wasn't Jessica.

I froze, lifting my head. I looked down at Gaby. Her face was flushed deep red, her eyes heavy with undeniable arousal and trust. She was looking at me like I was the only guy in the world. She had no idea she was just a ghost in a haunted house.

I swallowed the sickening guilt rising in my throat. I couldn't stop now. I needed the distraction too badly.

"Let’s move to the bed," I whispered.

**

I slid my arms under her back and knees, lifting her effortlessly into the air. I carried her out of the mini-library and walked straight into the bedroom.

I didn't care about the ghosts anymore. I tossed her gently onto the center of the massive mattress. My hands moved frantically, stripping away her tank top, her shorts, and her underwear until she was completely bare. I grabbed her ankles, lifting her legs and pressing a hot, desperate kiss to her inner thigh. Her muscles locked up, shivering under my touch.

Slowly, I pushed her knees apart. She gasped, suddenly feeling entirely exposed. She quickly moved her hand down to cover herself, her cheeks burning bright red as she shyly turned her face away from my gaze.

Jess…

I crawled over her, leaning my weight down on my forearms. I pressed open-mouthed kisses along her jawline and down her neck until her spine arched off the mattress. As my face sank into the pillows beside her head, it hit me.

The faint, sweet scent of chocolate-vanilla perfume was still woven deep into the fabric of the bedsheets.

The hallucination completely took over. Jess.. God, I miss you…

My hand slid down her stomach, venturing between her legs. My fingertips brushed against the back of the hand she was still using as a shield. Gently, deliberately, I laced my fingers through hers, pulling her hand away and pinning it to the mattress. I replaced her hand with my own, finding her completely soaked and slick with anticipation.

She gasped, a loud, breathy moan escaping her lips.

Do you miss me too, Jess?

I captured her mouth in a deep, punishing kiss, my fingers beginning a slow, agonizing rhythm against her center. She surrendered instantly. She let go of my hand, wrapping both of her arms securely around my neck. She kissed me back with a sloppy, desperate hunger, our tongues tangling together.

Suddenly, she cried out into my mouth. Her entire body trembled violently against the mattress as a powerful, localized climax ripped through her.

You like it, Jess? I knew you would.

I pulled back, breaking the kiss, and quickly stripped off my own clothes. The freezing air of the loft bit into my bare skin.

I crawled back over her, my knees sinking into the mattress on either side of her hips. Her wide, dark eyes darted nervously between my face and my heavy, pulsing erection.

"Daeron... please," she whispered, her voice trembling slightly. "Be gentle."

I guided myself to her entrance and slowly, steadily pushed inside. She was incredibly tight. Her hands immediately flew up, her fingernails digging fiercely into the muscles of my shoulders. I buried my face back into the vanilla-scented pillow beside her head and let the madness consume me entirely.

With every downward thrust, she seemed to clench tighter around my shaft. Her fingernails clawed agonizing paths down my back, likely drawing blood, but I didn’t feel the pain. I didn’t stop. I felt like I was physically incapable of stopping.

I will not lose you again, Jess! I won't let you leave!

I began to thrust faster, my hips snapping against hers with bruising force. Her soft whimpers escalated into loud, frantic cries. The overwhelming sensory overload was too much for her; her body trembled violently, and she instinctively pushed her hands against my chest, trying to force me to slow down.

I didn't slow down. I grabbed her waist, effortlessly flipping her over onto her stomach.

It was better this way. With her face buried in the pillows, I didn't have to look at a stranger. The illusion was absolutely flawless.

I gripped her hips tightly, pulling her back against me, and resumed the brutal, relentless pace. Her moans faded from my ears, muffled entirely by the thick mattress. She clawed desperately at the bedsheets, her spine arching as I pounded into her.

I didn't stop. I was fucking a ghost, and I couldn't stop until the ghost loved me back.

I kept thrusting, driving her higher and higher until her muffled whimpers turned into a sharp, broken scream. My vision went completely white. I drove my hips forward one final time and unloaded everything I had deep inside her.

She jolted in shock, her body seizing as a massive, full-body climax hit her at the exact same time. She shivered violently beneath me as the final waves of pleasure wrecked her. I slowly pulled out, collapsing heavily onto my side as a rush of warm fluid oozed out onto the sheets.

*

I lay flat on my back, staring up at the high, industrial ceiling.

Beside me, Gaby was still whimpering softly, her chest heaving as she tried to pull oxygen back into her exhausted lungs. She reached out, her small, warm hand resting gently against my sweaty chest.

I didn't move. I didn't hold her hand.

The manic high evaporated in a split second. The adrenaline completely drained from my bloodstream.

Why? I thought, a cold, sickening dread pooling in my stomach. Why do I still feel this massive void in my chest?

I had done exactly what my toxic brain told me to do. I had found a distraction. I had used her body. But there was no joy. There was no warmth. There was no victory.

The phantom scent of vanilla faded. I was just a broken guy lying naked next to a stranger. Everything felt completely, terrifyingly hollow.

**

The heavy, suffocating silence of the loft woke me up.

I blinked, my eyes adjusting to the shadows. The sun had completely set, and the room was pitch black save for the orange glow of the Chicago skyline bleeding through the windows. I shifted my weight and immediately froze.

Gaby was curled up tightly against my side, her bare skin warm against my ribs.

The heavy fog of lust completely evaporated. The reality of the situation crashed down on me like a ton of bricks.

Fuck! What the hell did I just do? Damn it…

I had used her. I had closed my eyes and completely used her body as a stand-in for a ghost.

"Gaby?" I whispered, my hand instinctively reaching out to gently cup her cheek.

"Mhm-mph." Her eyelashes fluttered. She slowly opened her eyes, looking up at me. In the dim city light, her brown eyes looked wide, vulnerable, and completely trusting.

"Daeron," she breathed, her voice incredibly low and shaky.

I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her flush against my chest to hide my own terrified expression.

"I’m sorry, Gaby. I was too rough."

She was quiet for a long, agonizing second. "…. You’re my first, Daeron."

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! The words hit me like a physical punch to the gut. She was a virgin. I hadn't just used a random club girl for a quick rebound; I had taken a sweet, innocent freshman's virginity while hallucinating about Jessica.

"I should’ve asked you first," I murmured, burying my face in her dark hair and hugging her tighter. A sharp, sickening sting radiated through my chest. It wasn't the hollow ache of missing Jessica anymore. It was pure, suffocating regret. I was a monster.

She hugged my torso, burying her face into my chest. "It's okay. I’m glad you’re my first."

What? No! No! No! Gaby, don't say that! my brain screamed at her. I am using you! I'm broken! Run away!

"I’m glad I got to be your first too, baby," my mouth said.

My internal monologue completely froze.

What the fuck!! No! Stop talking!

I was completely detached from my own body. The demon had completely taken over the steering wheel.

She chuckled softly, the sound vibrating against my ribs. She sounded so incredibly happy. "Can we just cuddle for a while?"

"Of course," my mouth answered, my voice a low, comforting rumble. "Let’s just stay like this for a few minutes. After that, I’ll go cook you something."

She raised her head, looking at me with pure, unadulterated adoration. "Really? You want to cook dinner for me?"

No. Do not trust me. I'm going to ruin you.

"Hm-mp," I hummed, gently brushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "I’ll make you a steak. I think I still have some good cuts in the freezer."

I was automatically rebuilding the exact same domestic trap I had lived in with Jessica.

"Yay! It’s been so long since I had a real steak!" she beamed.

I chuckled, a hollow, dead sound that she mistook for affection. "But… kiss me first"

Gaby. Don’t. Get out of this bed.

She didn't hear my internal screaming. She leaned forward, pressing her soft lips against mine in a sweet, passionate kiss. I kissed her back, playing the role perfectly.

"That’s a nice kiss," I whispered as she pulled away, trailing my fingers down her spine.

"Good girl"