Want to be Seen

Just think of it as my way of apologizing for my rude behavior. "Tsk. He wants to apologize for being rude by being ruder and interfering with my life?" Miyo huffed. "What a jerk."

She flopped onto her bed, burying her face into her pillow.

The more she thought about the conversation, the more it irritated her.

"Friend zoned..." The words left a bitter taste in her mouth.

She kicked her blanket in frustration. 

"I don't want help from a jerk like him."

Miyo rolled onto her side, clutching her pillow to her chest.

"But..." Her voice faded in the emptiness of her room. "It's not like I have anyone else either..."

She whined into her pillow.

"Why is my only friend the person I fell for?"

The unfairness made her heart ache.

Of all the people she could have fallen for. It could've been anyone. Literally anyone. But it had to be her one and only friend.

Who was she supposed to confide in about this?

I should've made more friends...

And now some insufferable know-it-all was telling her she basically didn't have a chance unless she did something different.

She rolled on to her back, staring aimlessly at the ceiling.

"This sucks..."

She glanced at her letter that now sat on her desk after Akio returned it.

"He may be a bit rude but at least he didn't expose me..."

She shook her head aggressively at the thought, as if trying to physically throw the thought away.

What's wrong with me...? How could I defend him for that after everything else he did...?

Miyo pulled the blanket up over her head. Just sleep and put it all behind you.

-

Though Miyo wanted to put it all behind her, reality made it quite difficult to do so.

"You feeling better, Miyo?" Shinichi asked as he handed her a cup of coffee.

Feeling better...? Oh, right. I told him I was feeling unwell the other day... Miyo forced an awkward smile as she took the coffee. "Y-Yeah... I'm fine..."

Shinichi took his seat at his desk beside Miyo's. "That's good..." His voice grew quieter than usual. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Hmm? Go ahead."

"You see, I need to buy a gift for someone." Shinichi said as he scratched the back of his neck. "But you know me, I suck at getting gifts. I figured you'd have a better idea for this."

"A gift?" Miyo tilted her head. "I can try. What kind of things does this person like?"

Shinichi paused, deep in thought for a moment. "She seems to like creative things like yarn or fabric, but I'm hopeless with that kind of thing..."

Shinichi continued to talk but Miyo couldn't hear the rest of it.

She? 

The word echoed louder than it should have.

He's buying gifts for another woman... 

Her fingers curled in her lap.

He's never asked what I liked, let alone got me a gift before...

She forced a a smile. "Oh." She said, hoping her voice came out normal. "How nice of you."

Shinichi smiled sweetly, too sweetly. "I just want to get it right. Will you help me?"

"S-Sure..." The agreement stung her chest. But how could she say no?

Why does this bother me so much...?

Shinichi continued to talk about ideas he thought this person might like and Miyo unconsciously nodded along.

Though, her chest felt hollow the entire time.

I guess I'm good enough to ask about gifts but not good enough to be given a gift...

-

That night, Miyo sat at her desk, staring at her letter as Akio's voice replayed in her head. You have had every opportunity to become something more. And yet, you haven't.

She hated how invasive he was. How he just inserted himself into her life. How he casually said things that hurt her heart. How he was right...

The more Miyo thought about it, the more she realized Shinichi didn't see her the way she saw him.

I guess I really am friend zoned...

For all the time Miyo had known Shinichi, he's never once asked her what she actually likes, never paid attention beyond the surface. Anything she got from him was something typical like a slice of cake or coffee. Things he thought were sweet and thoughtful, but nothing she could really enjoy. 

I don't even like coffee... 

Yet, she had convinced herself that it didn't matter. She had convinced herself that he cared enough to even consider her. She had convinced herself that between his kind words and sweet smile, he actually noticed her. She had convinced herself that if she molded herself to fit him then he would like her back.

But thinking about it now, the truth felt like a cold blade in her chest. Maybe he never really did see her for her.

Her gaze drifted to her letter and the piece of paper Akio had also given her - a paper with his number.

As much as I hate to admit it, that jerk is right... Unless something changes, he won't see me... 

All this time she was trying to be easier, quieter, more convenient. She drank coffee she didn't like. Went on errands with him even when she was tired. Listened to him talk nonstop about things she paid too close attention to. She told herself it was enough to just be around him. But that wasn't what she truly wanted.

I want him to notice me... I want to be seen...

Her hand reached for the paper as if possessed.

It couldn't hurt to try something...

Without a second thought, Miyo took the paper and messaged the number:

Does your offer still stand?