Goodbye

Isabella gasped, slightly recoiling, startled awake by the feeling of something touching her shoulder.

Turning her head, she raised her right hand in an ineffective attempt to shield her eyes. Though the sun was low in the sky, the light seemed almost blinding. There was a sharp pain across her forehead, pulsating in her temples.

“Ma’am, are you ok?”

Coughing, Issabella blinked at the blurry shadow that seemed to hover beside her. Her left side was stiff, compounding the ache she felt throughout her entire body.

“Are you alright?”

Issabella closed her eyes, lowering her head again to the ground. She let her hand drop and held a breath as she laboured, pushing herself into a sort of halfway sitting position, a small groan escaping her as she exhaled.

Opening her eyes as she rose, her gaze focused on Eddus’ headstone. All the emotions, all the guilt, came crashing back and she quickly turned her head away.

“Ma’am?” The voice was hesitant.

“...Abbi...” Isabella spoke vacantly, looking in the direction of the voice.

Kneeling beside her, with a concerned look on his face, was Allen, the assistant administrator who had driven her earlier.

“Abbi, ma’am,” the young man said after a pause, “is everything ok? We’re getting ready to close the cemetery for the evening. I was making my rounds, and I saw you here.”

Staring at him with a faraway look in her eyes, Isabella said nothing.

Allen quickly removed his suit jacket. Stopping just as quickly, holding the jacket with both hands in front of him, he looked at her uncertainly.

“May I?”

Issabella’s empty gaze moved to the jacket the assistant administrator held, her brows knitting, then back to his face.

“My apologies, ma’am,” Allen stammered. “You’re shivering.”

Issabella looked again at the garment. Her entire body did feel cold, and she was trembling, though not because of the temperature. She nodded slowly, remaining motionless as Allen gently placed the jacket over her shoulders.

Slowly getting to his feet, so as not to make too sudden a movement, Allen adjusted his glasses. He looked sympathetically at the girl sitting on the ground in front of him. He’d dealt with grieving visitors many times. Cautiously, he held out his hand to her.

“May I help you up, Abbi?”

Issabella turned her head towards the grave marker and nodded, exhaling through her mouth. She looked up at the assistant administrator for a moment, then took his hand, managing a thin smile as he helped her to her feet, though her eyes remained dull.

“Are you alright, ma’am?”

Allen watched her carefully to make sure she could stand on her own.

“No...” Her eyes resting on her hand, still in his, Issabella shook her head. “I will never be alright.”

Nodding silently, Allen glanced from Issabella to the headstone, reading the name on it.

“Did you know him well?”

“He is my... husband.” Issabella hesitated, making sure not to use the term bonded mate. She slowly looked up, though not meeting Allen’s gaze.

After a moment, he spoke, shaking his head, instantly feeling remorse at having asked:

“I am so sorry for your loss, Mrs. Brandt.”

Issabella inhaled sharply and bit her lip, dropping her gaze. A tear rolled down her cheek.

In all the time, albeit short, that she had been Eddus’ bonded-mate, she had never been referred to by his last name.

The thought had never occurred to her that, while she knew and treasured having and knowing his true name, it now truly belonged to her as well. At least it did in the human world. She was now Mrs. Eddus Brandt, and she would be for the rest of her life.

She closed her eyes tightly for a moment, more tears following the first. Pursing her lips, she opened her eyes, blinking several times.

“Please accept my sincerest apologies, Abbi- Mrs. Brandt- ma’am.”

Allen stumbled over his words, his face warming. With his free hand, he touched Issabella’s elbow, feeling pity for the grieving widow. He closed his eyes for a moment, then removed his hand from her arm.

“I did not mean to upset you.”

“Please, don’t apologise.”

Issabella swallowed hard. Drawing in a breath and then slowly exhaling, she met his gaze, her eyes red and still brimming with tears.

The assistant administrator had apologised several times, to which Issabella had not said anything, but this time she could not allow him to continue.

What he’d just unknowingly given her was more than he could ever possibly know.

“You truly don’t owe me an apology.”

“Yes, ma’am.” The young man broke eye contact with her, still wearing an apologetic look.

“I don’t want to keep you from your rounds.”

Isabella stumbled as she took a slight step backward. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could remain standing. Weak and hurting all over, her head ached so badly that she couldn’t keep her balance.

“Careful, ma’am.”

Allen quickly grasped her hand to steady her. He paused for a moment, then let go as she turned her head back towards the grave.

“Just a moment, please,” she said. She had to leave, but she couldn’t go without saying goodbye.

Allen watched as she slowly knelt at the foot of her husband’s grave, speaking too low for him to hear. Her face crumpled, and she leaned forward with her hand on the ground. Alarmed, he started toward her, but she raised a hand, stopping him.

“I have to go now, Eddie,” she said quietly to the headstone, lowering her hand. “I don’t know when I will be able to come back here. But I want you to know that my only reason for ever coming back to this realm will be to come here. You are the only thing in this world I will ever come back for.”

Her fingers slowly closed until she held the grass beneath her hand tightly. Taking a deep breath, she opened her hand again until it was flat on the ground.

“I love you, Eddus Brandt. I will always love you.”

Slowly, Isabella got to her feet, shaking. With her left hand, she touched the grey mark on the inside of her forearm with her fingertips.

She kept her eyes on the headstone for a moment longer, tears again spilling down her cheeks, then looked down at her hand.

“I’ll always have this,” she whispered, squeezing her forearm.

She turned to face Allen, avoiding looking directly at him.

“Your letter, ma’am...” Allen glanced at the ground behind her.

Looking at him, Isabella shook her head and took a step forward. Her hand trembled as she held it out.

Taking her hand, the administrator inclined his head toward the piece of parchment on the ground, but said nothing more. He led her slowly up the row and to the golf cart.