Chapter 12 ~ Starting

"Welcome home, master," Robin despondently greeted as he sat on the stairs in the foyer, resting his chin in his good hand. "I hope your day went well. Please, let me get your coats for you," he added, starting to stand up.

"No, that won't be necessary," the professor insisted, handling it on his own. "Now what might you be doing out here? You were supposed to be resting, not waiting on our beck and call."

"I have been resting. I was only sitting here, sir, nothing more. I finished all the light chores hours ago, and I've read all that I feel inclined to for one day. If anything, I need a break from all this acedia." He wore his sadness on his sleeve.

"Always having trouble staying still, eh? Well, perhaps we can find something for you to do. In the meantime, could you help our pupil back to their room? A bit dazed, you see, but I think they enjoyed the outing well enough."

"Of course, sir." Robin had a coy look in his eye, in spite of the soft pout on his lips. He sounded oddly bashful. "...Speaking of which, afterwards would you need any assistance with your own room? I could warm up a bath for you, or... ah, start folding your sheets..."

"...Ah." Meus sounded as if he picked up on a hint, but it went over the pupil's head. "Yes, I suppose that can be arranged, as long as you're feeling comfortable with it in your current state." He nodded his head. "But first, please see them to their room."

"We had a lot of fun today," the pupil shyly announced as it was led down the hallways. "I think you would have liked it. Maybe next time I can ask Mr Meus to bring you along?"

"Yes, yes, I'm sure it was quite the outing. Please feel free to tell me all about it tomorrow. For now, I'm sure you can use some beauty sleep." Robin sounded genuinely cheery, as if he was looking forward to something.

"Ah, well, tonight I was actually... um, I wasn't planning to sleep any time soon."

"Is that so? Well, fine by me, but please do stay in your room and not cause any trouble tonight. Promise me that much and I don't mind whatever else you plan on doing, hehe!"

"Ah, right... I-I understand." After everything that happened last night, the pupil definitely didn't want to bring more trouble to the rest of the estate. It shuffled into the room as Robin held the door open. "I... think I have something I want to show you and Mr Meus tomorrow, actually."

"Please don't give us a repeat of last night's woes..." His merriment was disrupted for only a moment before the pupil reassured him.

"I-It's nothing bad! I actually hope you'll enjoy it. But, um, I don't want to keep holding you up. Have a good night, Robin."

"Oh, I will." Robin giggled once again. "Good night then, pupil." At the very least, he didn't seem angry over yesterday, so the pupil was glad for that alone. Besides, it had its own priorities tonight.

Holding the brochure tightly in one hand, the pupil flipped to a page in the back of its journal. From John and Michael to Xiao and Lin to Balthazar and Melchior, the pupil kept a list of many different names it found interesting. Some came from history, others from the authors of said history, and some even came from stray mentions it had little context for. There was such a wide array of names that humans used, and it was confusing for a complete outsider like a novae. It was so befuddling that the pupil had thought to give up when it tried to simply take the name of the professor. But seeing how that went, the pupil had since given it much more thought. It marked through the list, seeing which ones it liked the best.

Not too far from it was the various textbooks, marked to show which pages had images it found the most interesting. There was a wide variety of pictures it liked the most, including ones of various men or animals, but tonight it found itself dwelling on the depictions of women, including the one in the brochure. All these beautiful dresses, even nicer than Robin's. All these graceful and elegant roles they were shown in too, from actresses to princesses. Maybe Irene was right that not every woman was like that. After all, she herself wasn't an archetypal pretty girl but was still good company. Still, as she said, the pupil had its own voice. It could make its own treasure, rather than copying anyone else's. Meus showed a similar sentiment when he said that he didn't appreciate being copied, either. People really did want more than just a clone.

Originally that was all the pupil could do, copying what it personally touched. Later on, it could copy what it saw in person, and later still doing the same from images alone. But it wasn't as if it was incapable of other shapes. It would experiment with inspirations rather than imitations. This was how it created that pastiche of what it thought Meus's son might look like, though ultimately that form was not to be. It was not Meus's son. It wasn't anybody's son. It had thought that was the role prescribed to it, but in hindsight it wasn't what it really wanted. It was simply a cowardly way to avoid having to overcome its own indecision.

At the time, the novae really hadn't understood the weight of the question that Meus asked it so long ago. Now it couldn't stop thinking about it. Who is it? Who does it want to be? At the end of the day, what does it really want in life?

I can't replicate the aria.
No matter what, even if I managed to get the voice exactly right, hit every note...
It just won't be the same as what I hear.
But Miss Irene was right. I can find my own voice, my own song.
And maybe someday, I can sing in a way that touches somebody else.
Some weary soul can lie back, open their ears...
And they'll feel the same joy I did.

The pupil did not know how that singer looked. It could never know. The music box had no label, no name, and nobody seemed able to identify the source either. But that was fine. Hopefully that woman was happy wherever she is. The pupil had tried to imagine several appearances that could fit her, but really it had only ever pictured an ideal it wanted to see. The meeting with Irene proved it was wrong to expect such an ideal of other people. They were fine the way they were. The pupil, however...

It now understood that it wasn't fine the way it is now. This temporary state was supposed to last until when, exactly? The answer was always vague. 'Someday, when the time is right' or 'Someday, when you know you're ready'. Always a conditional. Always a 'someday'. It was true that it wasn't ready in the past, so it tried not to think too hard about it, or tried to subsume the dilemma into someone else's answer. Now? It did finally have an answer it was comfortable with. That 'someday' was no longer needed; it was finally 'today'.

The pupil closed its eyes, picturing every last detail. Just as it always has, it shifted once again.

Its new form settled at five foot seven, taking a shape undeniably feminine. It didn't take more than a single glance to tell it had a full figure. A chest size of 36DD set the stage for all the other generous curves, always being kept just conservative enough to avoid being too large in any one area. Still, it certainly wasn't small in any department of its hourglass figure either. It was practically a composition as the pupil balanced and rebalanced itself to make sure everything was just right. More than the shape was the texture. The pupil's skin was soft and flawlessly smooth. Not a single bump or patch of peach fuzz disrupted the milky-white pale skin that managed to be cool to the touch, warm to the squeeze.

For its hair, the novae went long and wavy, fluffy even. It stayed brown, but now at a much lighter, more vibrant shade that had a healthy glow. As normal a color that part would be, its eyes were initially skewing towards amber before an impulse had the novae go further with it, settling on a distinct golden color. Unnatural as they were captivating. Its eyelashes went long and gorgeous in their own way, only amplified with their natural color being darkened as to emulate mascara and eye shadow. The pupil still knew little in practice about make-up, but it could steal its appearance all too easily. It did so as well with a natural shade of faux lipstick, giving its plump lips a glossy, rosy-nude color at all times. Its fingernails likewise went long and spurious with make-up, being thickened enough to prevent chipping while still having a stylish, painted look to them. It did prefer natural colors, ones that would fit in better while keeping a luster of extravagance.

All in all, the pupil had achieved a look that was almost too idealized. So much so that it was almost gaudy in its excess, though the sheer allure had won out. It spent the majority of the night going over every detail to make sure it was taking everything into account. What it had neglected, though, was actually obtaining clothing that would fit this new body. The button up shirt it had was small enough it could only loosely hang around its torso, while not being long enough to fully cover the stomach thanks to its chest size. The pants simply were too thin to be worn at all with the novae's new thighs. Still, it was a minor loss at best. Attire could be gained later. For now, it simply wanted to bask in its success.

As much satisfaction as the novae felt looking over its new self in the mirror, it didn't feel any sort of arousal. In fact, it never felt that way towards anything. In lieu of any indecent feelings was the pride over finally having its answer, hopefully one that the professor would accept. Still, there was a sense of giddiness over exploring and experimenting with its new self. It was soft and squishy in a far different way than when it was a mere blob.

Still, as nice as having its own distinct body was, that wasn't the entire answer. An appearance was one thing, but to truly have her own identity, she would need something else. Lifting the journal once again, thumbing through the pages at the end... The list was long, but a brief skim was all the pupil needed. In fact, it wouldn't be a pupil anymore. It wouldn't be a mere thing.

Its name...

Her name was Kurai.