Reasons

There are some memories of mine I deem worth visiting during this walk; this one is the most important of all. While I like to attribute this act of mine to an intellectually elevated reason – self-sacrifice – there’s no denying that this started somewhere, and very conveniently, I do not have to search.

It was a Monday, I remember, the last one of an important and particularly difficult semester. I could smell tension—breathe it even. It haunted the air, a real solid ghost far from a creation of my own wide imagination.

And then it was released, and they were released, and for some reason, I was relieved.

Disappointment, relief, joy, gloom… all at once, the sheer force one paper could deliver was stunning, euphoric. They all stood before me, animals in human clothes. Some thought themselves invincible after that recent hard-earned success, some lost in their blueness and would do anything – no matter how foolish – to undo what couldn’t be undone.

And then they were gone, each to their home, all but him and I. He had an unfamiliar timid face, wore clothes like the rest did, but his expression matched no other. It was so gross it filled me with disgust even the sexed beasts from earlier could not match: ennui; sheer apathy to the greatness of the event.

“Oh, you’re that kind of a person…” I thought with confidence, “none of this is big enough for you, is it? Let me take a guess, ‘it wasn’t particularly difficult.’”

To add insult to injury, he looked at me straight in the eyes. His were ruby-brown deep deceiving eyes, they trick you to think he had a soul; he owned no such thing, he was an empty shallow doll made to display indifference. His look added unnecessary pity to my already sufficient disgust. I wished to just kill him and free the world from one of his kind.

“Would you like to go out with me?” he asked with disturbing politeness.

I had no idea what expression my face featured, but from the look of his I could tell it wasn’t exactly pleasant.

“I’m sorry,” I said with a voice so hostile it might as well have been the hiss of a venomous snake, “do I know you?”