Maybe I will think about you,Maybe I won't.. Volume 6

Grandpa must be laughing in his grave at this.
How did he and I both have to have the same type in women and that type is punch first and ask questions later.

She throws an amazing right hook,bread baking makes for incredible strength training.

Maybe one day if I can actually win the girl I can learn or if nothing else stand behind her as she works while enjoying her in my arm-

"Once is enough thank you!Really."
"I SAW THAT!"
"What!?"
"Dirty thoughts...how dare you!You just broke up,now you are thinking of some random girl and if you think that I would take that if I was her you are stupid!"

She really has no idea that it is her?
Or how cute she is right now like this,if I am not getting punched again anyway.

She is pacing in the cafe portion of the bakery,I watch her like a painting that can't be ignored and she is right in one way.

I am a jerk.
But I can not lie to her or Eriika,I told Eriika when we first started dating that if I met Kokoro again that I do not know if my heart would be still steady.
Warned her but I was not right either in that I let myself and her start to date,feel things and share our first kiss and first date,first dance and almost first time together intimately as well.

I almost forgot until I saw Kokoro again about ever having what I wanted instead I thought I could only have my best option and I feel awful for that.

"You are angry,I get that but is that what you would rather?I just have stayed with my girlfriend while having you in my mind?Would you have liked that?I wouldn't."

I get her to finally pause,I am trying so hard to not move an inch but her face is like my heart right now.

Burning up.

She makes a quick run outside and I follow her wondering why it feels even hotter now.
Is it really just nerves and emotions?

"No,no no you can't do that.You should be with a good,nice girl and be a good nice boy and not some cheat because I mean.Days...days!"

What is she doing?

She is pacing hard,I follow her since she is getting close to the road and I have seen a few creepy acting people watching her as we are talking.

"Let's go back inside."
"Let me alone to think okay."
"Let's go INSIDE."
"listen to the boy Ko."

Kokoro pauses mid pace at her Fathers voice,she obeys and I walk behind her closely as both he and I share the same mind set for a time as those young men who were eyeing her give up and move on.

Kokoro is twirling that little knot she made for herself,oddly at the same time as I am like we are on the same wave length in a way.

"I did not mean to upset you,I don't ever want that.You are the light to me in a way.You found me when I needed an escape which you provided and some fight when I needed something to cling to,Gift from GOD you are to me.One I never thought I would see again so forgive me for putting myself at all in for what I have wanted for over a decade.Forgive me for caring enough about my girlfriend that I couldn't toy with her.Forgive me,I'm sorry.To both of you."

I nod to her Father who walks in at just that moment I am apologizing and I set foot out the door hoping for her to maybe grab my elbow but she doesn't.

My steps are long and quiet with my eyes watching out after that group of young men that I see are too interested in some lighters for there own good.


KOKORO

"Stupid pig...ugh I am sorry Dad, I will calm down soon and try to sleep.I know Mom is coming and I need to look extra alive for the show tomorrow to celebrate the store opening."

Dad is super silent,not the funny kind or the angry kind but just silent.

It is more scary than being called by my full name or having said "I'm dissapointed in you."

"What's the matter?Did I miss something you needed me to do or did I do something wrong?What you are scaring me."
"I can not believe that I am saying this to someone I would never want to see leave me or get married or have babies only because I love you so much but I would never stop you if all of that would make you happy.Understand?"

I nod,not really sure where he is going with this.

"You were really mean to that boy..I know you are suspicious natured and that is why you suddenly think that he is a pig although I heard you go on and on the whole ride home when you saw him again that you wished you had met him again before he started dating his girlfriend."
"That was diff-"
"Let me finish."

Dad is usually not harsh or even much for discipline,it wasn't really required I love and obey my parents usually implicitly.

"You finally have him now,he always sought for you I knew it when I looked at him and thought about pounding him.He did the right thing Ko,he knew where his heart was after seeing you.Knew that it would only cause hurt feelings if he lingered.You wanted an honest man,he is it.If you want to be with him then do so but if not cut that little knot you cherish so much so both of you can be free."

That hurt.

"This goes through without much need to add that I know the thoughts of boys and young men and don't think I will not be watching him like a hawk and do not presume that I will go easier on him than I did to any other boy you brought home to me that you did not truly want,not like you want him.So decide before life does for you like your mother and I.I don't want that for you,I want you to have someone who only sees,hears,dreams of you.Not what we did,we settled and now are divorced trying to work out what we really do not want at all but need to do anyway.Okay?"

Dad is gone to the kitchen in minutes and I just quietly sit down in the chair where Kenji sat the second time he came here as I scolded and coached him on how to win a girl into more happiness but I did not realize he kept his eyes on me while not speaking at all.

Like he was just happy to listen to me,look at me while I happily rambled.

"Is it fair?"

All the ways he said that and thinking back on it I get it.

He is too honest for his own good and I am too scared of being alone or cheated on to really give him that chance.
Even his girlfriend looked like she couldn't fully hate him,he never lied to her it seems and not to me either.


I need to sleep.
I need to eat before that.
Have a celebratory show to do tomorrow so.

"I will think about you a little or too much or not enough over the night Kenji.No promises."