Button Game, the Warm-up Round.

My butt plopped onto a plastic chair, one of those ubiquitous chairs you’ll find at any humble restaurant

The industry term for them is monobloc chair and they are often emblazoned with the regional soda or beer company’s logo.

Why do I know this?—well, wikis raised me. I think I’ve learned to dive articles like Alice tumbling down the rabbit hole.

On cue, the network of pipes rumbled. A gothic lolita popped out of a pipe like mine, and plopped onto the chair ahead of me. She acted bewildered, her blonde hair cascading behind the polymer backrest. She looked at me like I was a terrible thing: a frightening monster.

How rude! I strongly believed in my 5/10 appearance. She outdid me with full marks, however, her godly appearance should not give her the right to scorn the average. Without us… guess what—she would be the median one.

My hand itched to test what the button in the Button Game did when pressed.

Intuition said a button press would kick her out; I held back my urges.

We were playing a dating game. Rough start or not, we owed it to ourselves to get to know each other better. Same way I wouldn’t give up on a build or a play style after my first Game Over screen.

“Who are you?” I asked.

She replied with a mouse-like squeak, shi1ly.

The announcer did her the favor. “From Team Venus…” He reeled off her introduction, drums rolling in the BGM. “She’s the protagonist of the cult horror RPG, ‘Famished Souls!’ It’s… Alicia Angel!”

Gosh, no! I’ve seen every pixel of her 2D sprite!

Many of her endgame routes had made my heart race~

…

BUZZER.

“Whoa~ Alicia Angel has discarded Nakama Ren. What a shocker!”

“Sorry, I just…” The video game character bowed to me, saying, “I would have… anyone. You…”

The apologetic nod sprinkled salt on my wounds.

I respawned at the next chair, where another ‘cutie’ awaited my arrival.

While my own introduction blared on, I dreaded to hear of my temporary partner.

“That is Mirai, from the indie hit “UrInsides!” She’s a yandere, so if she doesn’t hurt you… she doesn’t love you!”

BUZZER. (I pressed it: I didn’t want to find out).

“Everyone’s favorite streamer… it’s the shining star of Niji Idol Overrepresentation…” The announcer yelped, voice cracking with pure joy, “Daisuki~!”

She was TenshiZX, a controversial VTuber, and she was powerful enough to make the announcer cry with joy. By the way, her agency went by NijiOn.

I wondered if she was the same streamer I knew and loved. ZX used to be an avatar with a real yet anonymous lady behind it, but as far as I knew, she had graduated after a huge meltdown.

The game could have possibly dressed her up; I myself wore my school uniform instead of the PJs I went to bed in.

“Errm.”

The cosplay girl cleared her throat.

“I’m going indie next year… I’m looking for a manager who does my clips and mods!”

Me… an Internet angel is talking to me.

“Know any editing software, Fan-kun?”

I don’t, but I was sure—I had the attitude. "I'll learn whatever for a chance to go out with you!"

“Aww~” ZX touched a corner of her lips, winked, and fired me. “Bang~”

Her pistol-finger whipped the elimination button.

BUZZER.

Shocked, I almost flipped the table. “Three for three!” Was I really working up from -99 matches?

“It’s not fair!” My heart couldn’t take another rejection! Get me out of this game!

The announcer misread my intentions, thinking I was going to lash out at the contestant. He intervened, closing the game.

“That was a blazingly violent warm up, folks! Death blows are not yet enabled, but the vibes are there! Contestants who've lost all their lives, ♥ ♥ ♥, will return next round. No eliminations! Mr. Nakama Ren, please enjoy the Loser's Lounge we have prepared. The ice cream machine will be online 24/7!" Hot mic: "(Handle it with care though, servicing it takes hours)."

***

Loser’s Lounge—heads up, the ice cream machine was completely borked.

As for me, I was enjoying what I could.

I have so much space available to me right now!

It’d be a shame not to explore it now, since I’d be KO’d as soon as the second game starts. My billionaire dreams had been slashed, so I thought, why not build a pillow fort? I might as well rot in a corner and become a serious hassle.

All my brooding pushed me to the edges of the Loser’s Lounge. I even found a service hallway, by the toilet area.

“Backstage: entry prohibited to game contestants. Swift elimination assured.”

The promised land!

I sprinted into the forbidden area. “You see this?” I taunted the smart band on my wrist, praying it was a spy device. At least at home, I’d have all the creature comforts I could actually want. Even the school day tomorrow would be a breeze compared to continuing to play here.

The service area smelled of cleaning supplies, but so strongly. I covered my mouth before treading deeper.

Sly 'ol me had my eyes peeled for electrical or server rooms. If this was a game world, I would make short work of any hacking mini-game.

I did find something.

A random encounter.

Hugging a pair of basic knee-high socks, she was burrowed in a nest of cardboard boxes. Despite my careless approach, she refused to react, burying herself even deeper, her knees slightly apart. Personally, I was relieved to find a fellow 5/10. She donned a drab gray blazer, with a shoulder-length ponytail tied by a dollar-store scrunchie.

The girl’s hair was a honey-bright red—and her crisp, pale skin was also like the inside of an apple.

And not a special apple at that.

The game’s producers could’ve picked her up at the supermarket.

A Red Delicious Freakin’ A, apple! Completely, refreshingly normal.

Her peach-colored eyes finally turned in my direction. She sniffled puppy tears.

Fine, 5.5/10!

I bit my tongue.

An average guy like me can’t read thoughts, but I assumed she was scoring me.

“You’re… normal too?” She spoke, relief adding a smile to her expression.

Six… I was cracking, 6/10. No more!

“As normal as they come,” I replied to the previous question.

“I’m Ren, Nakama Ren.” I said next.

“Sato…” She let me in on her family name. “Mio!”

“Dude, that’s plainer than white rice!” I started to breathe easier, bending myself over.

My hand jumped to offer her a pick-me-up.

“No compromises,” I said. With the game being what it was, I did what I could to avoid a misunderstanding. “Sato-san?” I nudged, trying to not fumble it.

Call it a lesson from the last game…

“Ren,” she said my first name!~ I happily helped Mio-chan back on her feet.

This was… the fastest game I had ever speedran. I found myself in Warp Zone of green pipes.

But no. Mio asked, “You were in the Loser’s Lounge, right?” as soon as I finished helping.

“Yeah, I lost the warm-up round. The main characters annihilated me. I'm just a guy; how was I supposed to impress them?"

“It's tough,” she said.

“Who did you get?”

Before Mio answered my question, she threw herself to the wall, frustrated.

“An incredible hottie who was a vampire… and a demon prince.” She swooned, held a long blink; Mio definitely daydreamed.

I copied. “Yeah, the competition left me asking, ‘Am I an NPC?’"

“A non-player character?”

My eyes rolled. “In this game? Yeah, my odds are bottom-tier. I might as well not be playing.”

Mio nodded.

“But don't you want to win?” She leaned closer, upset with me throwing in the towel.

I assumed a bit of self-guilt there because she had lost too.

We declared ourselves at the same time, interleaving our wants.

“Are you willing to cheat?” I said.

“W-Would you be my boyfriend?”

What Mio was saying didn’t catch me until she finished. But I jumped, I was going to readily accept the offer.

However, she clarified it. “Fake it, I mean!”

“That’s what I said,” coping. “This is a couples game; a couple has to win it. If you and I work together, we'll start having a shot at the prize. Trust me, if I had the billions, very few would shoot me down."

"Well, even I... I think it's true. In this day and age everything has a pill."

They are called Chinese peptides, Mio, but I didn't want to out myself as 'terminally online' to you.

So I left it there.