He Wasn't Kaito

The houses were lined along the street in their own colours. Red. Blue. Green. But I couldn’t remember which one belonged to Kaito.

Ai-chan walked beside me, counting under her breath. She pointed at each house as we passed, lips moving without a sound.

Six hundred forty-two. She turned to look at me.

I blinked. ‘You forgot to count.’

She stuck out her tongue and marched forward. Ai-chan didn’t seem to care anymore, even though she suggested the visit. I stopped near a street pole to recall. 

With a loud hum, a car drove past me. I looked towards the empty street, then at Ai-chan. She was still walking. I watched her back grow smaller with each step.

A chuckle slipped out of me. 'Cute.'

“What are you doing here?”

Kaito’s voice called from behind me. Followed by a tap on my shoulder.

I turned.

Kaito stood there with a bag of ice cream bars. He held one in his hand which was already melting down the stick, dripping onto his fingers. The creamy yellow streak trailed down his hand.

He smiled and pulled out one for me. He held it up to my face. “For you.”

I took it. The cold stung my skin.

“So?” He smiled, pulling me closer. “Were you going to my place?”

I nodded as I unwrapped the bar. It was brown. Brown is chocolate. I took a bite from the top; my teeth dug into the freezing sugar. I hissed, closing my eyes. The sweet froze my mouth before I swallowed it. The cold burnt going down.

Kaito chuckled, watching me survive the experience. He finished his and pointed at mine. “Can I get a bite?”

I handed it to him. “Take the whole thing. My insides are burning.”

He blinked. “Burning?”

"Burning and freezing are the same thing.”

“Come on." He caught my sleeve lightly. “Let’s go to my place.”

I followed behind him. The pavement stretched in the same dull grey. A vending machine hummed beside us. An old woman swept her porch in slow, even strokes. She didn’t look up.

“Kaito?” I glanced around. “Wasn’t your house—”

“That way.” He pointed behind us, then tapped my forehead with his finger. “I moved years ago.”

“Oh.”

“I still end up there sometimes, when I’m not thinking," he said, softer now. “Just standing outside like an idiot.”

A crow cawed near us and took flight. The feathers rustled, and a few black ones fell around us.

I looked at Kaito.

He was smiling. But not as wide.

Kaito’s back moved in an even rhythm as he walked. I blinked. ‘Wasn’t Kaito shorter?’

His building was grey too. I looked up; it stretched to the sky. The clouds circled around it. I decided to count.

Huh? Only five.

I looked at the building again. It no longer stretched.

I took a step. We were in the elevator. 

Another step. We stood outside his apartment.

He took out his key, jammed it in the lock, and turned. The door opened with a dull push.

I stepped inside.

His room was small. Clothes were scattered on the floor. Game cases were stacked unevenly in the corner, and a desk was pressed against the wall with textbooks piled on top.

“You can sit on there.” He pointed at the bed and walked into the kitchen. I hopped on top of it. The mattress was firm. Not like mine.

I lay down, looking at the ceiling. It seemed to be going up.

“Juice.” Kaito placed our juices on the side table and sat next to me. The mattress bounced. Now the bed was soft. I was sinking in.

He pushed my shoulder to the side and lay down next to me. It was cramped. I shoved him, and he shoved me.

For some time we were pushing each other.

I don't know when we quit the pushing and he switched on the television. An anime started playing. Bright colours and loud voices. I didn’t know the name. I didn't bother asking.

He began explaining immediately. Talking fast. Pointing at the screen. Who betrayed whom? Why this episode mattered. Why the opening song was better in season one.

I listened.

Quietly.

I didn’t care.

It would be nice if I could tell him about Ai-chan. He might even be jealous. Suddenly my feet felt cold.

I glanced toward the corner.
Empty.

The window.
Empty.

The door.
Empty.

She wasn’t there.

My chest tightened. I left her behind.

I stood up. One of the glasses on the table rattled but settled without falling.

“Sora?” Kaito looked up. “Where are you going?”

“I—” My eyes darted to the door. It was far. “I forgot something. I need to get it.”

“What did you forget?” Kaito made a face. Same as Grandpa. 

He was disappointed. 

I didn’t answer and stepped toward the door. The distance kept stretching. Even if I walked, the door remained far away.

I felt something cold coiled around my arm. Tightened. And shoved me back. A scream almost escaped my mouth.

“Sora.”

I blinked. I was still there standing next to the bed. My breath hitched. I looked at my arm. It was a hand. Kaito’s hand was holding my arm.

His hands were cold.

“You can tell me,” he said quietly. “Whatever it is",

I slipped my arm free. “I can’t.”

He stood up, placed his hand on my shoulder, and made me sit down. He wrapped his hand around mine.

"Please." He looked at the floor, then at me. “I’m worried.”

His cold fingers pressed tightly.

I exhaled. I didn’t know I’d been holding in.

Kaito titled his head and smiled. His eyes were dark. Too dark. His smile wasn’t his usual smile. It was different.

He wasn’t Kaito.

I tried to pull my hand back. I need to escape. I need Ai-chan.

“Don’t.” He spoke too low. I almost didn’t hear him. His hands grew colder as he placed his forehead on my shoulder. “I really care.”

It wasn’t Kaito.

But someone who cared.

Someone….

A-ai-chan?