The Mage Has Been Purified by a Broccoli

"Alright, Miss Husband-Stealing Knockoff Mage, it's time to purge the evil from within you!" Mochi exclaimed while poking Shiori's head, who was still on the floor. "What does that private server you keep bragging about really mean?!"

"Leave her alone already, Mochi. Let's just hear what she has to say... But first, untie her," Sora said, observing the scene with certain frustration.

For her part, Shiori was wrapped in her own futon on a chair.

[Ten Minutes Earlier]

While Sora tried to process the fact that his house had become a potential new guild, Mochi didn't waste time. With the precision of someone who had organized guild inventories for years, she pounced on the defeated Shiori.

"Containment protocol activated!" Mochi shouted.

Before Shiori could reboot her brain, Mochi used the mage's own futon against her. She rolled her up with astonishing speed, leaving only Shiori's head exposed, then used a couple of loose cables to secure the package. With what seemed like superhuman effort, she lifted the "Mage-Burrito" and sat her on a wooden chair.

"Mochi, don't you think you're overdoing it?" Sora protested, though he didn't dare approach upon seeing the dark aura emanating from his wife.

"Silence, Sora!" Mochi shouted while looking at her beloved husband with a terrifying face. "This external invader must be eliminated before she infects our home with her lies!" Mochi declared, pulling out a desk lamp and pointing it directly at Shiori's glasses.

[Return to the Present]

"Talk now!" Mochi exclaimed while bringing a steaming piece of broccoli close to Shiori's face as if it were a punishment rod. "And I don't want any video game terminology! If I hear 'latency' or 'server,' I'll force your mouth open."

Shiori, immobilized inside her futon and with her glasses fogged by the vegetable steam, pressed her lips tightly together, showing resistance worthy of a final boss.

"The... the human body is capable of adapting like hardware if it sets its mind to it," Shiori babbled while trying to turn her head, prolonging the inevitable. "My digestive system has been optimized to process sodium and instant noodle preservatives. Introducing that kind of matter could cause a critical error in my... Mmpff!"

Mochi didn't wait. Taking advantage of Shiori opening her mouth to complain, she inserted the broccoli without any remorse.

"Eat!" Mochi ordered with a smile bordering on psychopathic. "Your cheeks are pale, and your dark circles indicate you don't eat properly to be a high-level mage. As the healer of this household, I won't allow a guest to die from malnutrition before confessing her crimes."

Shiori chewed with an expression of pure defeat, swallowing the vegetable as if it were high-level poison.

As soon as the broccoli passed through her throat, Shiori's eyes turned white for a second. Her body, accustomed to a diet of sodium and junk food, suffered an internal short circuit. Sora swore he saw a small transparent silhouette—it was Shiori's essence trying to escape through her mouth while a white light surrounded her.

"Mochi, wait a second—she's... she's purifying too fast!" Sora shouted, watching the mage's aura slowly evaporate.

Shiori let her head drop back, her gaze lost on the kitchen ceiling. Her voice, usually full of sarcasm and double meanings, now sounded very monotonous and dangerously honest. It was as if Mochi had hacked her personality using only vegetables.

"The server..." Shiori whispered with an empty voice. "The private server doesn't exist. It's just a voice channel I programmed for the two of us. I called it Area Zero because there were no other players... and no loneliness."

Mochi stopped poking her head, impressed by her rival's sudden change. Instead, she shot a murderous glare at Sora—for her, it was almost an act of betrayal to their marriage pact.

"My parents are in Europe supervising some internet infrastructure," Shiori continued as her soul slowly returned to her body, but without fully recovering her essence. "They send me money so I won't interfere with their work. But I spent the rent on the bracelet because... because when the game shut down, I felt like my connection to the world had dropped. I didn't want you to stop being my Guardian, Sora. I was afraid of becoming just some nameless girl again."

The silence that followed was so intense that for a moment Sora could hear his own heartbeat.

Mochi lowered the spoon, her yandere expression transforming into one of pure pity.

"She's a silly mage..." Mochi murmured, crossing her arms. "You could have said it in a normal way, Knockoff Mage. There was no need to hack the refrigerator or threaten my marriage with Sora."

Sora sighed, feeling his own chest grow heavy. He approached the chair and began untying the cables that held the "Mage-Burrito" captive. Shiori blinked, gradually recovering the malicious gleam in her eyes, though she still looked somewhat dazed from the nutrient overdose.

"Alright, you'll stay with us," Sora declared, helping Shiori out of the futon. "A Guardian doesn't leave his party members without help or a roof. But under one condition: Mochi will be the administrator of this household guild. She decides the menu, she decides the cleaning rules, and she decides when the lights go out."

Shiori rubbed her wrists, glancing sideways at Mochi while recovering her cynical smile, though slightly softer.

"U-understood, Tank..." Shiori looked at Mochi. "But I hope the Cleric's meals don't include broccoli in every update patch. My system is still processing the trauma of eating something that grew in the ground."

"Be grateful!" Mochi responded, recovering her energy. "Tomorrow we'll organize to make this place spotless. Sora is giving us a place to live—it's the least we can do for my sweetie!"

"Yeah, yeah..." Shiori said while reluctantly starting to drag her own futon toward the sofa as Mochi watched her with crossed arms.

"That's your connection zone," Mochi dictated, pointing at the sofa with the spoon. "If you cross the carpet perimeter toward Sora's room after ten at night, I'll consider it an attack on our marriage and act accordingly. Is that clear?"

"Received, Administrator," Shiori responded half-heartedly while opening her laptop, which began to hum and emit a faint blue glow that illuminated her glasses. "But I'm going to need the Wi-Fi password immediately. My brain can't handle being offline for so long."

Sora looked at them both, then at his modem, whose lights were blinking frantically as if sensing the emotional data traffic about to come. He let out one last sigh and turned off the kitchen light. His peaceful life as a lonely boy had just been completely hacked, and for the first time in a long while, his home server felt dangerously full.