Chapter 8: The Old Wound

Petra’s reaction drew a long sigh from Rafah. She hadn’t expected Petra to be this stubborn, but now it was undeniable.

“Because you’re different, Petra. You’re not like anyone else,” Rafah said. “You rejected me. You made me chase you. No one has ever done that to me before.”

“So you just like the challenge,” Petra shot back. “Why? Are you the type who enjoys challenging yourself? Been reading mindset books or listening to Thai CEO podcasts about life philosophies too much? Is that why you feel the need to turn your own life into some kind of challenge?”

“Petra, can you stop being sarcastic.”

“Sure. I just didn’t realize that someone who behaves badly toward others also gets to tell them how to speak.”

Rafah exhaled slowly. “All right. I give up. I’m sorry. About that night at the penthouse, it was my fault. I approached you the wrong way.”

“Okay.”

“That’s it. Just ‘okay’.”

“And what exactly do you expect me to say.”

“You can scold me if you want. Say whatever you need to. As long as it helps you feel better.”

Petra crossed her arms and let out a long breath. She wasn’t even sure Rafah truly understood what she was trying to say.

“I want you to understand this,” Petra said. “It wasn’t just that you ‘approached me the wrong way.’ What you did that day was bad behavior. You spoke to me rudely. You pried into my personal life. You kissed me without my consent. Every part of that was wrong. I could have gone to the police.”

She paused, taking a steady breath before continuing.

“But I didn’t.”

“Why not.” Rafah asked quietly. Her tone was calm, but her eyes were searching. She wasn’t arguing. She genuinely wanted to know.

Petra lifted her chin slightly.

“If I had reported you and pressed charges, what do you think would have happened to you,” she asked. “Would you really want your public image destroyed like that.”

“You still haven’t answered me,” Rafah replied. “If you were that unhappy, why didn’t you go to the police and end it there.”

Petra fell silent for a moment, then spoke, her voice calm but firm.

“Because I still wanted you to remain an image of a capable woman in the eyes of other women.”

She held Rafah’s gaze without flinching.

“No matter how much society claims to have progressed, women still don’t stand on equal ground with men. People like to say equality already exists, but in real life, it doesn’t. You being competent, having a stable career, standing confidently in the spotlight, it means something to women who want to walk the same path.”

She paused, then continued more quietly.

“And besides, I used to admire you. I admired your work. How many people actually see the importance of wildlife conservation and commit themselves to it for real. But what you did that night disappointed me. It made me realize I might have been wrong about you.”

Her words forced Rafah to see herself clearly, in a way no one had ever dared before. Petra was the first.

Rafah drew in a slow breath and sat in silence for a moment, choosing her words carefully before speaking.

“I’m sorry.”

Petra said nothing. She simply looked at her, disappointment still lingering in her eyes.

“You do understand what I’m saying, right, Khun Rafah.”

“I do.”

“Then explain it to me,” Petra said evenly. “Tell me what it is you understand.”

The air between them went still. Rafah lifted her gaze to meet Petra’s. The softness that had briefly appeared in her eyes hardened again.

“Petra, I think I’ve already given in to you enough.”

Petra didn’t look away. Her gaze was steady, resolute, firmer than Rafah had expected.

“I don’t want you to give in to me,” she said. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. I just want you to understand that what you did wasn’t okay. And at the very least, understand this. Not everyone can be bought with money. I can’t.”

Rafah was left speechless. The words struck straight at her core, forcing her to confront a version of herself she had always refused to acknowledge.

“I’m sorry,” Rafah said again, her voice noticeably softer. “Could you give me a chance to make things right.”

Petra was silent for a moment. Then she took a breath and answered slowly, her words unmistakably clear.

“I can give you a chance, Khun Rafah. But only when it comes to work.”

Silence settled between them again, heavy with things left unsaid.

Rafah remained still for a long moment before speaking, her voice worn with exhaustion and disappointment.

“I don’t even know what to say anymore,” she said with a faint smile. “This is the first time I’ve ever asked anyone for a chance. And I was turned down.”

The words made Petra catch her breath. She had never meant to make Rafah feel that way. But now, certain words were lodged painfully in her chest, impossible to say, and far too late to take back.

Nothing else was said.

At last, Rafah placed her hand on the steering wheel and slowly pulled the car away from the roadside, heading toward Petra’s condominium.

The rest of the drive passed in silence.

No words were exchanged.

One woman swallowed her pride.

The other swallowed her guilt.

And both of them knew that some words, even if spoken, would no longer change anything.

…

That night, Petra’s bedroom felt unnaturally quiet. She lay back on her bed, scrolling through her phone without any real focus, while Rafah’s words kept circling in her mind, again and again.

.

“I admit it. At first, I only wanted you. But that’s not how it is anymore. When I say I’m interested, I mean it.”

“I don’t even know what to say anymore,”

“This is the first time I’ve ever asked anyone for a chance. And I was turned down.”

.

Petra lifted a hand to her temple, pressing lightly as if she could ease the weight settling in her chest. She knew she had been harsh. Too harsh, perhaps. But she also needed Rafah to understand that what had happened that night was something she simply could not accept.

Her phone rang, cutting through the silence.

Tharin.

Petra answered at once.

“Hey. Are you back in your room yet?”

Tharin’s voice came through the speaker, bright and familiar. Before Petra could respond, she barreled on.

“So what’s the verdict. Did you and Khun Rafah continue testing each other’s spice level in your room or not. Come on, give me a review. Is she as wild and ravenous as that pretty face suggests.”

Petra rolled her eyes, exhausted.

“Tharin, stop trying to set me up with Khun Rafah. This is ridiculous.”

“Oh, relax. I was just teasing. No need to snap.” Tharin laughed lightly, then her tone shifted. “But honestly, Khun Rafah does seem serious about you. When she said she was ending things with Khun Phat, Phat looked completely stunned.”

Petra shot back at once, her voice sharp.

“And is that really something to admire, Tharin?”

Tharin paused, caught off guard.

“…Yeah. You’re right,” she said more quietly. “Now that I think about it, that was pretty harsh. Ending a Friends with Benefits relationship right at the dinner table, in front of the new person. That’s a serious red flag. A huge one.”

Petra didn’t answer.

Sensing the silence, Tharin decided to ask directly.

“But let me ask you something, honestly. Do you like Khun Rafah.”

“Why are you asking me that.”

“Do you want me to be blunt, or should I sugarcoat it.”

“Be blunt.”

“Well, if this were anyone else, after the way Khun Rafah behaved that day, most people would’ve cut contact already. But you didn’t. When she invited you to dinner, you went. At least you were smart enough to drag me along as a human shield.”

Petra froze.

“I just…”

“Just what.”

“I had to work with her. Turning down your employer doesn’t look good.”

“Not convincing,” Tharin said flatly. “If your employer invites you to dinner, it’s perfectly normal to say no. But you went anyway. So tell me the truth. You like her, don’t you. Just admit it. I won’t judge. Sometimes we end up liking people with terrible personalities.”

“I don’t like Khun Rafah,” Petra shot back without hesitation.

Silence stretched on the other end of the line. Then Tharin spoke again, slower now, her tone unmistakably serious.

“Fine. If you say you don’t like her, I’ll take your word for it. But let me talk to you as your best friend for a moment. I joke about Khun Rafah, sure. That’s just me being me. But honestly, I don’t think someone like her is okay. There’s something about her. A dark aura, or whatever you want to call it. If you get involved with her, I’m scared you’ll end up getting hurt.”

The words landed exactly where they were meant to. Petra fell silent, unsure how to respond.

Hearing the sudden quiet, Tharin softened at once.

“But hey, if my friend really wants to get hurt,” she added with a light laugh, “you can try it. I’ll be right here to wipe your tears afterward. That’s all. I just called because I was worried about you. Good night.”

The call ended.

Silence filled the room again.

Petra rose from the bed and walked over to the window, pushing it open. The night breeze brushed against her skin, cool but ineffective against the fire burning in her chest. She stared at her reflection in the glass, the eyes looking back at her filled with hesitation and confusion.

She knew the truth well enough.

She had been drawn to Rafah for a long time now, perhaps from the very first moment they met. And yet, she didn’t want that attraction to grow into something deeper, something she might lose control over.

Maybe because she was afraid.

Afraid of getting hurt.

Afraid of becoming nothing more than a moth intoxicated by the glow of a flame, flying straight into the fire, burning her own heart to ashes.

Until there was nothing left at all.

…

At the bar on the lower floor of a luxury hotel, amber light from glass lamps cast long shadows across the wooden counter. A piano played softly in the background, its melody barely rising above the hush of the room.

Rafah sat alone in the far corner, undisturbed. She exhaled slowly, her breath heavy with alcohol, yet her mind was crowded with Petra’s voice, replaying over and over without mercy.

.

“Yes, you’re beautiful, charming, and impressive. I won’t deny that. But your actions say otherwise.”

“After that dinner at your penthouse, your image was ruined in my eyes. You were rude, ill-mannered, and you were never interested in me as a person. You just wanted to get me into bed. Nothing more.”

“I used to admire you. I admired your work. How many people actually see the importance of wildlife conservation and commit themselves to it for real.”

“But what you did that night disappointed me. It made me realize I might have been wrong about you.”

.

Those words cut deeper than Rafah cared to admit. She lifted her wine glass and took a sip, but the bitterness on her tongue was nothing compared to the ache tightening in her chest.

At first, she had been honest with herself. She was only interested in Petra in the same way she had once been interested in other women. Another conquest. Another name to add to the quiet list in her head. She had wanted Petra to end up in her bed, nothing more.

But Petra’s words that night forced Rafah to turn inward, to face her own reflection in a way she had not done in years.

When had she become so accustomed to the chase, even finding pleasure in it? When had she started believing that money, power, and carefully calculated pressure could buy anyone’s consent, anyone’s dignity?

What Petra said did not only make her feel guilty. It made her feel ashamed.

Petra never called her vile or immoral. Instead, she reminded Rafah that she had once been better than this. That she had once possessed a moral ground she could still stand on.

At the very least, she had once been someone with something left to protect.

“Sorry I’m late. Traffic was hell.”

Arin, Rafah’s only close friend, appeared and slid into the seat across from her before ordering her usual cocktail.

“So I heard you ended your Friends with Benefits thing with Phat. Is that true?”

Rafah lifted her glass and took another sip. “News travels fast.”

Arin snorted. “Of course it does. Phat and I were in the same friend group back in high school. Three years together. I’m still on her close friends list on Instagram. She went off about you nonstop. Nine story slides. Want a summary?”

Rafah said nothing.

“I shouldn’t have introduced you two at the foundation event that night,” Arin continued. “I knew that arrangement of yours wouldn’t end well. One of you is fire, the other is gasoline. I warned Phat not to get involved with you.”

“She was the one who came after me,” Rafah replied evenly.

“And you played along,” Arin shot back, meeting her gaze. “Now look how it ended. Exactly how I said it would. Badly. I’m stuck in the middle, and it’s awkward as hell. Next time, if you only want Friends with Benefits, pick someone outside your social circle. Even a friend of a friend is still a problem.”

Rafah shrugged, unmoved.

“Anything else you want to lecture me about, Arin? If so, say it all now. I’d like to drink my wine in peace.”

Arin sighed. “Then let me ask you straight. You ended things with Phat because you met someone new, didn’t you?”

“That’s not it,” Rafah replied calmly.

Arin tested her. “Really? Because I hear you’ve been chasing this woman pretty hard.”

“I won’t deny it. Petra is beautiful.”

Rafah paused, then continued.

“But I didn’t end things with Phat because of Petra. I’d been thinking about it for a long time. Phat crossed the boundary of what Friends with Benefits was supposed to be for us. What she did to Petra just made it easier for me to end things sooner. That’s all.”

Arin scoffed. “You can frame it however you want. If I were Phat, I’d still think I got dumped because you already had someone new.”

“I don’t care what people think.”

“You should care a little,” Arin replied quietly. “Punching a wall still hurts your hand. Do you really think hurting people won’t come back to hurt you?”

Rafah fell silent.

Arin’s gaze stayed sharp, unflinching.

“How long do you plan to keep living like this? Never taking anyone seriously. If you like someone, you take her to your penthouse. When you’re bored, you drop her. If she’s a bit more interesting, you make it Friends with Benefits. And when she starts catching feelings, you throw her out. Your life might already be a mess, but do you really need to make it worse by acting like this? And that’s not even counting what I know goes on at Black Eden.”

“What, did Phat complain about Black Eden on her Instagram stories?” Rafah replied coolly. “She was fine with it back then. She agreed to everything.”

Arin shook her head, tired. “Rafah, the lesbian circle is small. People at the same level all know each other. Do you really think no one talks about how you bring different women to Black Eden all the time? You’re just lucky no one has exposed it to the media yet.”

“And what’s wrong with having that kind of taste in bed?” Rafah asked evenly.

“Get this straight,” Arin said bluntly. “I’m not judging your taste in bed. I’m talking about your behavior. The one-night stands. The Friends with Benefits. If that ever goes public, your whole ‘angel of wildlife conservation’ image is finished.”

She was not accusing her. She was stating facts.

Rafah lifted her glass and took another sip.

“I invited you out for a drink, not a sermon.”

“I’m not lecturing you,” Arin replied, meeting her eyes. “I’m telling you the truth.”

Silence stretched between them before Arin finally softened her tone.

“So… how was your last appointment with the psychiatrist?”

…