Correcting Area

Hey, Makari here :D

I'm sorry that I have been inactive for a while. I had a few things to take care of, but now I’m back :) The 10th chapter will be released tomorrow, so stay excited!

Right now, I’m working on improving all of my chapters and figuring out what works well and what can be improved — starting with the first one. I would like to ask you which opening scene you find more interesting and better structured.

Thank you all very much for your feedback. Stay healthy!

Original version:

Sometimes life isn’t fair. It can be cruel—for no reason at all.

The sun hit Alishia’s face—a chilling, dreamlike warmth, like the light of a distant star, another world.

She could never reach that world, no matter how far she chased it. All she felt was the rough bench beneath her hands, her fingers clutching it as if it could hold her in place.

She hated this bench so much. She didn’t want to sit here every day, waiting for something that would never come.

Alishia was stuck—in a cycle of disappointment and despair.

Always the same sun. The warmth. The bench, day after day.

People are blinded, they don't realize how good they have it—to see the faces of their loved ones every single day, to hear their laughter, to feel their warmth as if it were endless. They don't know how cold solitude can be, how living a whole life without warmth froze one to the core.

They’ve never even been outside in the cold during the day. How could they possibly know how freezing it can be at night?

It was like an unending winter, and Alishia was frozen to the bone. She would have given anything to feel what those people felt—even for a single minute, even for a single heartbeat.

It tore her apart… that she would never have that life.

Improved? version:

The sun touched Alishia’s face with a chilling, dreamlike warmth — like the light of a distant star from another world.

She could never reach that world, no matter how far she chased it.

All she felt was the rough bench beneath her hands, her fingers gripping it as if it were the only thing keeping her anchored to reality.

She sat here every day.

Waiting.

Hoping.

And every day, nothing came.

Life wasn’t fair. It never had been for her. Sometimes it felt cruel without reason — as if the world had simply decided she did not belong in it.

The warmth of the sun surrounded others like a blessing. But for Alishia, it felt distant — something she could see but never truly have.

The same sunlight.
The same warmth.
The same bench beneath her hands.

She hated this place. She hated waiting here for something that would never come.

People were blinded. They didn’t realize how lucky they were — to see the faces of their loved ones every day, to hear their laughter, to feel their warmth as if it would never fade. They didn’t know how cold solitude could be, how a life without warmth could freeze someone to the core.

Alishia was living in an endless winter, frozen to the bone. She would have given anything to feel what others felt — even for a single minute, even for a single heartbeat.

And yet… that life would never be hers

If you find other areas to improve , please tell me :)