Burn the Bridge

This time, since a long time, I leaned on the bridge with my back against the railings… satisfied, thoroughly satisfied with myself, like I’d won a tough battle, like I’d accomplish something great, even though I damn well knew I'd only messed around, and that would be my most exciting social moment of my life until another century.
“Damn it,” I sighed. I kill my own mood… with these thoughts, then to distract myself with the most damning question: Did I make a good impression on her? And by her, obviously not the humiliated therapist. Obviously, the all-adorable Seru.
And just like a sine wave, my mood was uplifted with the recollections of my interaction with Seru.

Then, the wave snapped.
“Liam!” A near scream, like someone was angry at me because I messed up big time, almost like a mother. Then, hurried stomping approached my side, and for a second, I feared for my life: What if I die on this bridge this time, but not by my own accord, but because Yue is about to push me off the railing!? “What was that!?”

I meekly laughed, “Ehe–”

“No, no, no, NO! Don’t you dare laugh at me!” She arrived at my side and slapped my bicep.

“I wasn’t.”

She harrumphed. “Why did you even act like that? Were you trying to embarrass me?”

I place my hand on my chin, “Mmm… maybe.”

She huffed, “Is this fun for you? Giving Seru the wrong idea? If anything, you shouldn’t have done that! Now she thinks that we’re secretly dating or something!”

I mockingly frown, “But… we’re kind of going on dates–”

“Don’t try!!”

“I don’t know, but our meeting up on this bridge–”

“Oh my gosh! NO! Ew, no! You’re so desperate to turn this into something because you don’t talk to any woman in your life!” Angry, but somehow, in a lighthearted manner, just our usual banter— but, wait, something’s wrong. I can feel the tables turning.

“Wait, you’re baking in insults in there.”

She giggled. “Oh yeah? Can’t handle a little factual criticism for your pathetic ego?” Okay, that was anger-fueled, definitely.

“Oh come on, I was just joking around. I didn’t even say anything.”
“But the way you acted–!” She groaned. “You’d better clarify to her tomorrow! I don’t want people spreading rumors about us.”
“Jeez, do you–”

“Yes, I do. I don’t want to be associated with you.”

“Wha–” my voice cracked. “Wait, that’s not what I was about to ask.”

“Oh yeah?”

Wait, hold on.
“Yue–”
“Don’t.”

My mouth was agape, my posture stiff against the railing, and my neck felt frozen in place.

“Can I at least finish my question before I forget?”
“Do whatever,” she shuffled, seemingly intending to leave.

“Do you not trust Seru not to assume things and spread false rumors—was what I was about to ask.”

She sighed sharply. “Of course not.” Then turns to leave.

I opened my mouth to say goodbye, but then decided not to.

I did something wrong… haven’t I? Maybe multiple. ‘But she’ll be back, at the usual time, won’t she?’ But deep down, I felt something was different, something had turned… for the worse or in a different direction.

Fantastic, I messed up and ruined the only good thing I have, maybe the only friend I have… Well, I consider her a friend, but what if she didn’t this entire time? Was she only talking to me because she had the time, out of boredom? How do friendships work? Were we ever friends? Or was this just a power play for her?

…I don’t know anymore… All I know is I messed up.

I tried to make my mind go blank as I watched the darkening sky engulf the sun’s light, but my mind drifted to recollect Yue’s outburst, and it all started to hurt, and hurt even more. ‘Really? She said that? She doesn’t want to be associated… with me. Damn.’

I sighed deeply and bowed my head, staring at the still waters below the bridge– heh, it’s under the bridge now.

Wouldn’t this be the perfect opportunity to jump off this bridge and drown? But I’m not dramatic like that. It feels pathetic to quit that early—let it simmer for a bit.

“Riamu?”

“Huh?” I turned my head around and spotted Seru, standing at the other end of the bridge. “Oh, Ouno… Ouno Seru, right?”

“Yes, you’re right.” She approached, gracefully, and stood at a respectable distance from me. She turned to the river for a moment before facing me. “What do you do here?”

Interesting, as opposed to ‘What are you doing here?’

“It’s for my research: fluvial observation.”

“Flu–” she tittered. “What is that?” she kept on giggling.

Too adorable, too adorable. I guess it was right on time to alleviate my anxious mind.

“Eh, it’s just staring into the river.” I tried to play it off coolly, as if I wasn’t making a joke at all, which was my kind of humor.

“You’re kind of funny, Riamu.”

I thought my heart actually skipped a beat right there.

“O–Oh…” I cleared my throat quickly. “Why, thank you, ma’am Ouno.”

“Wha–?” She chuckled, this time, a bit more freely. “What’s with you all of a sudden? You’re speaking as if you’re some kind of butler.”

“Hah, just my specialty, I guess.”

She smiled sweetly, unlike earlier, which was polite. It seemed like she was opening up to me a little bit, for a surface-level connection.

Well, to that, I say ‘Finally!’ I’m talking to someone other than Yue, and it was my crush no less! But I shouldn’t feel proud of myself, not yet. I needed to cherish this and to make good of this opportunity.

“So, what are you actually doing here?”

Mmm, the real question I was waiting for.

“Well…” And yet, I still didn’t prepare a self-convincing answer. “Let’s just say that this is my usual spot after class, to wind down, you know?”

“Ah, I see. So, you come here often?”

I snort. “Well, you see, everyone comes here often.”
She paused, reading my words, and then chuckled softly. “Ah, of course! Because it’s a bridge! Well, duh!”

I reciprocate her chuckle. “Sorry, I just can’t help but make a joke of everything.” Wait, why did that sound so… sad?

“But isn’t that good? It’s difficult to find a silver lining in everything, let alone something to laugh about.”

I nodded. “You’re right, you’re right. But, it’s kind of hard not to make jokes during a serious conversation, personally.” I sighed.

“But… that makes me want to talk to you more, though. I thought you were a very serious guy, since I see you often by yourself.”
Damn… I’m so sad, and I look so sad, and maybe not only to her… damn.
I could only shrug and tilt my head in agreement.

She turned to watch the river under the bridge again. “Did you know, the water reflects how one feels? And it usually is right about how you’re feeling, too.”

Huh… interesting. This really deepened my shallow image of her. Now I know she has a philosophical side.

I nodded slightly, feeling a little defiant, “How did you come up with that?”

She glanced at me with a spark of confidence. “You try it, and if you can, tell me what you feel.”

I obeyed and stared at the water. The still waters are calm, but also static. There were two different types of calm: one that is relaxing, and one that is uneasy—and I’m definitely feeling uneasy.

But, I’m still feeling a little more defiant right now.
“How about you guess my feelings by reading the waters?”

Her eyes brightened. “Sure.” She smiled briefly before looking at my reflection on the water.

I stared at her staring at my reflection, which made me uneasy in a different way. It makes me warm inside merely aware that she’s intently looking at me– at me! Even though it was a distorted reflection.

Without breaking her focus on the water, she guessed, “You feel uneasy… wretched.”

“Wretched?” What a strong word.

“Yes, like something undesirable just happened to you.”

Should I be honest?

“That’s… very specific.”
“Indeed, Sir Liam.” She faced me with a warm smile.

“You dare use my jokes against me?”

She chuckled. “I’m starting to really like you.”

Huh? HUH!?

“I’d like to talk to you more, and maybe help you with this problem of yours.”

“Problem?”
“Something happened, right? Recently? And you feel miserable about it, but you don’t know how bad it is, yet… Or so I think.”

What the? Is she a mindreader, too? Or do all girls have this power? And why do they keep on dissecting only me!?

“You’re awfully good at this. You could be a psychic, but instead of a magic ball, you use a glass of water or something.” I chuckled.

This time, she only smiled, seemingly proud of herself. “So, do you believe me now? Does the water reflect your feelings?”

“Undoubtedly. Now, I shall pay close attention to your philosophy, Ouno.”
She giggled.

Inwardly, I’m worried: What if she read more than those feelings?

…I’m scared…