Amore

Fuck! Is this really what I want? Am I just going to push her away?

"I see," Claudia whispered, breaking the heavy silence. I raised my head, looking toward her. She grabbed her own arm protectively, looking away from my gaze. "I’m really sorry to make this awkward."

No. I need to move on. How long am I going to hide from this? Do I really want to be alone again?

"I think I should w—" she started to say, standing up.

"Clau." I reached out and grabbed her hand gently, stopping her. "Listen. I just don’t want to lie to you."

She stopped, looking me in the eye.

"I’ve been lying to myself for way too long, Clau. I’m not really sure what I want either," I admitted, my voice shaking.

I averted my gaze down to our hands. "You’re an amazing person, you know. You have qualities that nobody can deny." I stroked her hand gently with my thumb. "Imagine this: if I didn't have my parents' privilege and my money... would I even be worth it to you?"

I closed my eyes. "I've got nothing, Clau. I’m a hypocrite. I’m just a boy living in a safe bubble, hoping everything is going to magically be alright when I close my eyes."

I took a deep, shuddering breath. "Even now, I can’t forget my past. Sometimes I sit around hoping everything would just go back to the way it was."

"Is it about Jessica?"

A sharp, jagged ache twisted in my chest. "Yes."

I looked up at her. "I just can’t seem to erase her name from my heart."

She nodded slowly. A bitter, heartbreaking smile drew across her face. "I understand, Daeron."

She gently tried to pull her hand away to leave, but I instinctively grabbed it tighter. "But please," I begged. My face tensed up, hot tears suddenly building in my eyes. "Please don’t leave me."

"I know this is stupid. I know this is incredibly selfish. But you’re the only one who makes me feel alive, Clau."

I closed my eyes tight as the tears finally spilled over, running down my cheeks. "Even if I’m not worthy... even if I don’t deserve any of this... even though I know there’s still a ghost lingering inside my heart..."

My voice cracked, completely breaking. "But with you... with you, I actually feel loved. I never feel alone whenever I’m with you." My throat was tight, the heavy sobs impossible to stop now. "I love you, Clau. I really do. I know that sounds like nonsense right now. But I want to stay with you. Please, don't leave me."

"I’m still right here, Daeron." Her warm presence suddenly stepped closer, wrapping around my body. I buried my wet face against her lean shoulder. "I will not leave you."

The moment she embraced me tight, it felt so incredibly gentle and warm. Her sweet sandalwood scent filled my lungs—an aroma that I knew I would never erase from my senses. With her holding me, the chaotic storm in my head finally calmed. The spark of life that I had been desperately looking for was now right here in my arms.

Thank God. Thank you for sending her to me.

After a long while, she slowly pulled back. Her warm hand reached up, gently caressing my wet cheek. "Daeron, I’m not asking you to replace her with me inside your heart."

My eyes widened in shock, but the bright, genuine smile on her face eased my racing heart immediately.

"Let’s build our own space together. Let’s start everything brand new. Just you and me," she whispered. Her smile was so beautifully bright, I couldn't look away from it.

A subtle, deeply relieved smile finally drew across my lips. "I love you, Clau."

She looked at me deeply, her eyes shining. "I love you so much, Daeron." She rose up on her tiptoes, pressing her warm lips to my forehead in a gentle, lingering kiss. "Let’s make our own story, shall we?" she giggled softly.

A breathless chuckle escaped my lips. "Let’s make our story, Claudia."

**

The morning after that night, the heavy, bruised-grey clouds that had been hanging over my life finally cleared. It felt as if the suffocating, crushing weight I had been carrying on my chest for a year had simply vanished into thin air.

Whenever I drove back to my massive, quiet loft, I missed her presence the second the door clicked shut. When I lay in my bed at night, I couldn’t stop replaying the sound of her laugh in my head. I constantly caught myself unlocking my phone just to stare at the picture of her in her ridiculous Christmas sweater for hours on end.

Can you really blame me, though? Because Claudia was technically my first actual girlfriend.

The days we spent together as a couple were incredibly, beautifully normal. Because the terrifying threat of our sophomore final exams was closing in, we spent most of our time studying together. Sometimes at my loft, sometimes at her new apartment. We simply laid on the floor, read our textbooks, took meticulous notes, and built a small fortress of junk food around ourselves. And whenever our brains fried and we took a break, we just joked around, relentlessly roasting each other over the most mundane things.

After so much chaos and pain, the pure, boring simplicity of our daily routine was absolute perfection.

And then, finals week hit us like a truck. I was incredibly thankful Claudia had forced me to stick to a strict study schedule; by the end of the week, I managed to ace every single subject on my roster. With the exams officially behind us, summer break finally arrived.

May 2013.

Bzzt. Bzzt.

My phone vibrated aggressively against the marble kitchen counter. I immediately dropped my heavy dumbbell onto the mat, ignoring my burning muscles, and snatched the phone up.

"Good morning, bella," I answered, a massive, stupid grin already stretching across my face.

She giggled, her morning voice raspy and warm through the speaker. "Buongiorno, bello."

"Do you already miss me? It’s only six o’clock in the morning, Clau."

"Of course I already miss you! I actually called because I wanted to be the one to wake you up."

I chuckled, grabbing a gym towel to wipe the sweat from my neck. "Well, you are about an hour too late for that. I'm already up and working out."

She gasped, completely dropping her sleepy demeanor. "Who are you trying to impress this early?!"

"I'm trying to impress a certain brunette who lives over in Little Italy, you know?"

"Oh wow," she teased, "she must be a very pretty girl, huh? To manage to catch a handsome man's attention like that?"

"Pretty? Come on. She’s absolutely gorgeous."

She giggled, her voice softening into a shy, flustered tone. "Stop it, you're making me blush! Anyway... can you come over today?"

"What kind of question is that?" I laughed. "That’s a rhetorical question, Clau. I would come over every single day even if you didn't ask me."

"Great!" She paused for a long second, her tone suddenly turning careful and highly secretive. "Can you come over maybe… at exactly 11:00 AM? Please don’t come over here before that, though."

I frowned, leaning my elbows against the cool marble counter. "Why? What's going on?"

"Just... please?" she dodged the question.

"…. Alright. 11:00 AM on the dot."

"Great! See you soon, Cap’n! Love you!"

"Heh. Love you too."

Click.

I lowered the phone, staring at the blank screen for a long, quiet minute. What on earth is she planning? I scratched my chin, my mind racing through a dozen different scenarios.

Oh well. Let’s just wait. I’ll find out soon enough anyway. I dropped the phone back onto the counter, picked my dumbbell back up, and happily resumed my workout, counting down the hours until eleven.

*

At exactly 11:00 AM, I pressed the doorbell.

Riiingg!

A few seconds later, the deadbolt clicked and the door swung open.

My breath completely left my lungs. A sudden, scorching heat rushed to my cheeks. "Wow." That was the absolute only word my brain was capable of producing.

She was breathtaking. She was wearing an elegant, beige side-cutout dress that hugged her figure perfectly, a stark contrast to the oversized flannels and stained barista aprons she used to hide in. She had let her thick, wavy brunette hair down, letting it cascade freely over her bare shoulders. And for the very first time since I met her, she was wearing light makeup that flawlessly highlighted her dark eyes and the healthy glow of her peach skin.

God damn. She is so fucking beautiful. I just stood there, completely paralyzed on the welcome mat, my eyes shamelessly admiring every single detail of her transformation.

She giggled, a pretty, rosy tint spreading across her cheeks. "Are you going to stand out in the hallway all day, or do you want to come in?"

I finally managed to meet her eyes. "Can a man just admire a beautiful girl for a second?"

Her blush deepened furiously. Her smooth hands reached out, grabbing the collar of my T-shirt and playfully dragging me inside the apartment. "Then you had better admire her inside where the neighbors can't see!"

"God… you’re so beautiful," I murmured, my voice thick as the door clicked shut behind us. "I am the luckiest man alive."

She clung to my arm, burying her burning face against my chest to hide her smile. "Stop it….. You're making me blush way too much!"

I gently reached down, placing my fingers under her chin and tilting her head up. "Hey. But you really are beautiful, Clau. I can’t stop looking at you."

Our eyes met. The playful banter faded into a heavy, magnetic tension. Without even thinking, I leaned down and pressed my lips gently against hers. They were incredibly soft, warm, and tasted faintly of sweet peaches. It was perfect.

After a breathless, lingering moment, we slowly parted.

"That was our first kiss," Claudia whispered, a soft, dazed smile playing on her lips.

My eyes snapped wide open in sudden panic. "Oh my God! I’m so sorry! Shit, I should’ve asked you first! I didn't m—"

Before my overthinking brain could ruin the moment, she surged upward and kissed me again. She wrapped her arms tightly around my neck, pulling me down to her level. This time, I caught the scent of her new perfume—a dizzying, intoxicating mix of sweet rose and her natural, earthy sandalwood.

She slowly pulled back, her dark eyes sparkling with absolute certainty. "Don’t ever apologize for that, love. I’m yours," she smiled brightly.

"I love you so much," I breathed, wrapping my arms around her waist and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"I love you too, Daeron."

"So, what’s the special occasion?" I asked, gesturing down to my own casual outfit. "You should’ve told me if you wanted to go on a high-end date! Look at me, I'm only wearing a plain T-shirt and jeans!"

She giggled, lacing her fingers through mine. "Don’t worry. We aren't going anywhere. I just wanted to dress up for you."

Suddenly, a rich, mouth-watering aroma caught my attention, drifting from the kitchen. I looked toward Claudia in pure shock. "Don’t tell me…"

She nodded, a fiercely proud, confident look on her face. "Come on. Let’s go to the dining room. I made something special for us."

When she led me to the table, it was already set up flawlessly with candles, wine glasses, and proper silverware.

"No way. Did you actually cook Lobster Ravioli for me?" I asked, staring at the spread in awe.

"That’s my family's secret recipe. Sit down," she commanded playfully, tugging me forward.

I pulled her chair out for her like a gentleman before taking my own seat across the table. Sitting between us was steaming, handmade Lobster Ravioli drenched in lemon butter, alongside roasted asparagus and two poured glasses of red wine.

"Oh my God. Thank you so much for putting all this effort in for me, Clau."

She smiled softly, tracing the rim of her wine glass. "Well, we didn’t have a proper new home celebration yet, right? Let’s make this the occasion." She looked up at me through her eyelashes, her cheeks blushing a pretty pink. "And… let’s officially make it our first date."

Thump. My heartbeat skipped a heavy beat, the blood rushing straight to my face all over again. "Yeah… let’s absolutely make it both."

"Okay, come on, dig in. I want you to taste it first!" She leaned forward, resting her chin on her hands, watching me with eager anticipation.

I picked up my fork and took a bite of the ravioli. The moment the rich flavor hit my tongue, my eyes widened in genuine shock. "Damn, Clau! This tastes sooo good!" I immediately went back for a massive second bite.

Claudia's face brimmed brightly with immense pride. "I’m so glad you like it!"

"Come on, don’t be shy! Dig in, chef!" I teased her, pointing my fork.

She giggled happily. "Yes, sir!"

We ate our lunch while talking, laughing, and effortlessly sharing our day. It was an incredibly pleasant, perfect afternoon. As I sat there, a realization hit me: this was actually my first real date, too. It was the very first time in my entire life a woman had ever put in the raw, genuine effort to set up a romantic occasion entirely for me. I had never felt this intensely, quietly happy.

After we cleared our plates, we relocated to the living room sofa, sitting close together to finish our wine.

"That was genuinely the best ravioli I have ever tasted in my life," I said, taking a sip of wine with a wide, content smile.

"Of course it was. I made it as authentically Italian as legally possible!" she boasted, sipping her own wine with a smirk.

"You know what? That was actually my first-ever real date," I admitted softly.

Her eyes widened in surprise. "What? Really?"

"I’m dead serious. And I’m so incredibly glad I spent it with you." I threw a playful wink at her.

Her cheeks flushed prettily. "Well, that was the first time I've ever cooked a romantic meal for a man, too."

I pulled her closer by her waist, letting her lean comfortably against my chest. "Well, I certainly don’t mind being the second, third, or hundredth meal after this," I laughed.

"Of course! But I definitely want you to cook steak for me again sometime!"

"Gladly! Just promise me you won't assassinate me with your salty pepper pancakes."

"Hey!" she gasped, nudging my ribs hard. Our laughter burst out, echoing warmly through the sunlit living room.

As the laughter faded into a comfortable silence, she looked up at me, her expression turning deeply sincere. "Why don't you move in here, Daeron?" she asked softly. "You know this place is huge. If you want to... you can move in here with me."

A subtle, profoundly peaceful smile drew across my face. I didn't even have to think about it. "Sure. I would absolutely love to live with you, Clau."

She shot up from my chest, her dark eyes wide with surprise. "Really?"

"Yep. Thank you for offering," I threw her a warm, reassuring smile. "So, when should I move my stuff?"

"Why not today? I know you barely keep any personal stuff in that loft anyway!" she laughed, her excitement bubbling over.

I chuckled, resting my forehead gently against hers. "Sure. I’ll pack a bag and officially move in today."

Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears of pure joy. She threw herself forward, wrapping her arms around my neck and hugging me as tightly as she could.

I wrapped my arms securely around her waist, burying my face in her shoulder.

Yeah. It’s finally time to move. To a place I could actually call home.