"What is Death Like?"

"I wonder what death is like?" I feel like I think about that pretty often. Okay, well I don't want to say I'm some weirdo that's obsessed with death or anything, but it does come up from time to time especially when I'm alone. Surely though, lots of people think about death I mean, how could anyone not? There is nothing in this existence that we know less about. 

I grew up in a very religious family and of course we believed in an after life, God is great and all that. I'm not sure how much I buy that though. I mean sure. I do believe in a higher power it just feels right to me, but is it really the god that I was told to believe in? I just happened to be born on the correct path? No struggles to find my way, no deep soul searching? It didn't make sense to me. Like I said I do believe in a higher power, an ultimate being that can do all but I have a hard time thinking any person could even begin to comprehend what that being might want. All of this is to say that I no longer consider myself religious.

Do I believe in an after life though? I want to, maybe. It is kind of scary to think I could be sent to hell. I believe that I am a good person and that I do right but who's to say whatever higher power that looks down on me thinks the same? On the flipside what if heaven is boring? Who's to say the afterlife is heaven or hell anyway? I don't know it's just the default, at least to me. 

There's also reincarnation which to be honest is my favorite of the popular after life beliefs. I love this earth and frankly I don't really want to ever leave it. Infinite lives forever. What's not to love? I like the idea of starting a new life no matter how your previous life goes there is always going to be a new book for you to open. 

The one thing I know I just can't buy is the belief that there is nothing at all after death. It makes no sense to me, what would that be like? pure darkness forever? Just a dark void of nothingness for eternity until our supreme deity mercifully decides to put an end to it all? I don't like it and I refuse to believe it. It just can't be true. Why would our deity create this majestic place if we aren't meant to explore it. The average human life span is just not long enough to see everything there is to offer even if you give them a million life times.  

I wish I could have a dialogue with this "god" and ask it to answer my conundrum. It might be possible, I should try and figure out how.