1.18 Appreciation Society: Epilogue (Finale)

From
Her Royal Highness Lyra Everbloom (B.A. (History), State University of Silverleaf)
President of Society for Kyros Magnus Studies, Silverleaf (Official)
Princess of Sylvanor, Duchess of Avalon, Countess of Dawnrush
Imperial Palace of Sylvanor, North Eastern Wing
Silverleaf
Kingdom of Sylvanor - SL00249

To
Ms. Tilly Butterfield
President of the Kyros Magnus Appreciation Society, Meridian (Unofficial)
Perfect Fit Women's Tailors
5th Street, 12th Avenue
Market District, Meridian
Kingdom of Stormhaven - MR45067

Subject: In regard to the 54th Monthly Meeting of the Kyros Magnus Appreciation Society, Meridian (Unofficial), held on the 2nd day of Solaris, 4532 C.A.

Ms. Butterfield, I write this letter to express my deep indignation at the debacle that was the 54th monthly meeting of the Kyros Magnus Appreciation Society, Meridian (Unofficial). After receiving a detailed report from my sources, who were in attendance at the event, I was horrified to learn of the utterly disrespectful, vulgar, and, most worrisome of all, factually incorrect way in which the Kyros Magnus Appreciation Society, Meridian (Unofficial) carries out its business. Let me start by saying that I strongly protest the five thousand word restriction that has been imposed on correspondences, but in deference to the rules, I shall strictly adhere to this unfair limit.

Let us begin with your reading of the Great Mage's great deeds for the month of Lumina. You mostly adhered to well-known facts, no doubt an influence of my regular letters, but I must point out one egregious error in the facts you delivered. You said that the Great Mage had found the cat, one Mr. Grumpy, with the help of a 'tracking spell.' Let me inform you that you are completely incorrect in this regard. The spell that the Great Mage invented and used to find this runaway feline is not a 'tracking spell' but what is referred to as a 'geo-positioning spell.' Unlike regular tracking spells, which detect the footsteps, fingerprints, or the scent of an individual, a geo-positioning spell lets a mage immediately detect the exact location (within an error range of ten meters) of their target. While a significant improvement over tracking spells, the geo-positioning spells have limited uses and can only be used in very specific circumstances, for now. With this letter, I have attached the opinions of Assistant Professor Verethil Dawnlight (Senior Magus, Second Class, Silverleaf University of Magic) and Miss Sally Weaver (Junior Magus, Third Class, Research Assistant, Silverleaf University of Magic), who go into great detail on the newly invented geo-positioning spell and discuss why it must be referred to as a 'geo-positioning spell' and not a 'tracking spell.'

The factual errors might be deemed a lack of attention to detail and could perhaps be forgiven, but what is not forgivable is the travesty that was the panel discussion titled 'Triangle? Or something more?' The premise itself is extremely flawed, as the question of a love triangle between Lord Kyros Magnus, Lady Liriel Magnus, and Her Majesty Queen Seraphina Stormcrown is simply too ludicrous to even contemplate. Lady Liriel Magnus is the lawfully wedded wife of the Great Mage, and that should be the end of any debate or speculation. But for the sake of argument, let us say that we entertain this question. Then it is your responsibility as President of the Kyros Magnus Appreciation Society, Meridian (Unofficial) to invite respected and learned panelists who can positively contribute to the debate. Shall we go over the kind of people you invited?

1) First, there is Ms. Elsa Periwinkle. This is a surprisingly thoughtful choice from you, Ms. Butterfield. Ms. Periwinkle is a regular contributor to the Society for Kyros Magnus Studies, Silverleaf (Official) newsletter. Even I would be hard-pressed to find a better panelist. All of Ms. Periwinkle's points were salient, astute, and well thought out, as always. I sincerely congratulate you on this one thing you got right.

2) Sir Ceril Codsworth. He was once a respected historian and academic, whose only major contribution for the past fifteen years has been a series of books that can favorably be called 'Conspiracy Theories.' His insinuation that Lady Liriel Magnus married the Great Mage out of some sort of political obligation is simply the rambling of an uninformed and ignorant mind. I myself have been a witness to the genuine love they share, and I will not entertain anyone casting doubts on the true nature of their bond. But I do believe that his point about Dragon Heritage should be spared some thought, even if it does not deserve serious consideration. After reading the transcripts of the meeting, I have been wondering if the Great Mage might have a tail, not in the physical sense, of course, but in a more spiritual or metaphysical sense. I shall confirm this with Lady Liriel Magnus and share the details with you in a future letter.

3) Master Tobias Stonesinger. Need I even say anything here? Master Stonesinger might be a published and popular poet, but his regurgitations are rarely fit for polite society, more often bordering on the pornographic rather than the artistic. Upon reading the transcripts of the meeting, many members of the Society for Kyros Magnus Studies, Silverleaf (Official), including myself, were deeply appalled by the fantasies he was projecting onto the Great Mage. Ms. Butterfield, if you have a dearth of talent and learned individuals in Meridian, please write to me. I will send you members of the Society for Kyros Magnus Studies, Silverleaf (Official), who can offer better discourse whilst half asleep.

4) Clara (Just Clara). Appalled as I am at Ms. Clara (Just Clara)'s rejection of the Davenport noble title (which I consider to be deeply disrespectful to her father, Lord Matthias Davenport), I must concede that her credentials as a successful student at the Stormhaven Academy of Magic and a contributor to the Meridian Times, a newspaper which I myself subscribe to, are top-notch. I must also mention that I have frequently enjoyed her columns in said newspaper, even though our views do not always coincide. But her wild theory that Lady Liriel Magnus and Queen Seraphina Stormcrown are in some sort of secret, illicit love affair is simply too preposterous to even contemplate, and might I say, exceeds all bounds of decorum. I am seriously rethinking my prior opinions about Ms. Clara (Just Clara) and wondering if it is the culture of Meridian or the curriculum at the Stormhaven Academy of Magic that gives its students such ridiculous ideas that are nothing short of fantasy.

I shall not comment on the results of the 'Perfect Partner for the Great Mage' Contest. Please refer to my earlier statements to understand why I believe that Lady Liriel Magnus is the only partner we need ever consider. The fact that she, his lawful wife, earned only fifth place is a perfect argument for the need for a much improved system of education in the Kingdom of Stormhaven. Speaking of the rankings, the fact that I was part of the list of Perfect Partners for my own brother-in-law is highly inappropriate and deeply nauseating. I hereby lodge a formal complaint with you, Ms. Butterfield, and I hope that such egregious mistakes do not occur in future meetings. I understand that you are not entirely responsible for these errors, as the nominations were done by the audience members. But as President of the Kyros Magnus Appreciation Society, Meridian (Unofficial), it is your duty to make sure that such oversights do not occur. And, one more thing, how is it that I, a Princess of Sylvanor with a Bachelor's degree, B.A. (History), from the prestigious State University of Silverleaf, am ranked lower than a fictional character (Nazoga Bonesplitter) whose only qualification appears to be her ability to swing an oversized axe? We hear no mention of any academic success in these comic books. I sincerely doubt that she has even finished high school, given how much time she spends beating people up. I only have one final thing to add about this farce of a contest. The list should have contained only one name, Lady Liriel Magnus.

Then we come to 'The Play.' Never have I read of a more egregious violation of logic, facts, and common sense. The love triangle, the historical inaccuracies, and the completely fictional scenes that have no basis in reality whatsoever make this one of the worst examples of fantasy wish fulfillment masquerading as historical literature. The errors and inaccuracies in the play are far too numerous for me to mention them here. So, I have listed them all and presented them point-by-point in Attachment Two to this letter, along with references. Please go through it to understand these mistakes better. I must also here point out the foolishness of hiring an actor from the Meridian Theatre Company, one Mr. Damian Coppersmith, for an amateur production. I have watched his performance as a supporting actor in The Macleod and The Lord of Thorns, and frankly, I found his performance in both plays to be overimaginative and exaggerated. Mr. Coppersmith has the unfortunate tendency of trying to appeal to the lowest common denominator in the audience rather than sticking to the script. Hiring such a professional actor, limited in talent though he may be, even for a short stint must have cost you a good amount of money, which you could have used on better stage props and special effects. I hope that you will consider my well-thought-out opinion on this matter and not waste your limited funds on unnecessary expenditures.

Sincerely,

Her Royal Highness Lyra Everbloom (B.A. (History), State University of Silverleaf)
President of Society for Kyros Magnus Studies, Silverleaf (Official)
Princess of Sylvanor, Duchess of Avalon, Countess of Dawnrush
6th day of Solaris, 4532 C.A.

P.S.: I heard from my informant at the Magnus Estate (not Lady Liriel Magnus) that Lady Liriel Magnus has presented you with a business opportunity for publishing this play. If you intend to go through with this, I offer you my services as a fact-checker, free of charge. If you accept my help, I will do my utmost to adhere to strict historical accuracy and facts.

P.P.S.: I hope you have not forgotten that my 19th birthday is in two months. I mention this because I might not be able to write as frequently during that month due to my various obligations. On an unrelated note, I hope that you enjoyed the honey dates and the dried purple berries I sent you for your 22nd birthday. The honey date craze has not yet died down in Silverleaf.

P.P.P.S.: I have attached an article from the Dawnrush Daily. It has an interview with Vesenia Pinebeam, the oldest living high elf on record. She is 146 years old. She beat the previous record holder just last year. I thought you might find it an interesting read.