First Date (Part 2)

October 24th – Suzuki Hanami

The closer the date of my date with Kimura came to more nervous I became. I was really happy when she asked me back then, but actually doing it was a completely different thing. This was the first time I was ever going out with a girl and with a quite attractive one at that. Of course I was way too early at our agreed meeting spot, but I was so nervous that I barely registered the time anyway. When I saw her walking down the street early as well I was struck by her again. I barely ever saw her in anything but her school uniform, but seeing her in a cute jacket and jeans was really something else. For a moment I wondered whether I should complement her clothing or just tell her that she looked very cute, but I felt like that was already going to far. Surprisingly I could hold it together much better than I expected and I even managed to smile at her a couple of times, something I also did at school when I wanted to cheer her up and she always seemed to react very positively to it. Sometimes she also smiled back and that was something I cherished more than anything in the world. But I promised myself before hand that I wouldn't hope for something that was likely not mutual and that we were just friends, of course. I mean when we were sitting on that bench that evening I definitely felt like she was at least close to telling me she liked me and I certainly was hoping she would say it, but I also didn't want to make the mistake of actually thinking that was what she was trying to do only to look like a fool who thought a girl being friendly to him meant anything more than that. But maybe that was a risk I had to take at this point. Kimura didn't tell me before hand where we were going and when we were walking down the street side by side I really felt like we were a couple and that thought was hard to ignore. I thought about trying to hold her hand, but even the thought of doing so in this situation felt kind of overwhelming, so I couldn't do it. But maybe that was another risk I had to take at some point.

When we arrived at the destination that Kimura wanted to take me I was overwhelmed by a sea of flowers that grew outside a little cafe. I didn't know too much about flowers and their meaning, despite one variant of my name basically meaning flowers, but the one flower I recognized was Anemone and from what I remembered they signified long lasting love. I couldn't help but think that I should give her a bouquet full of these flowers as soon as possible. But then I got a hold of myself and reminded myself that we were just friends. But at the same time this situation was very hard to maintain as it was. If we went as far as going on a date together and sitting outside by the moonlight, didn't we have to at least have to talk to each other to get an understanding what all of this was? What we really were for each other? But of course that would equate to making a confession to her and that thought of course was scary and uncharted territory for me. But I couldn't help but wonder whether she held the same feelings in her heart at this moment. When I looked at her standing there, smiling whilst gazing at the flowers I really couldn't imagine what it would actually be like if she didn't feel the same way. I asked her whether she wanted to go inside and she happily agreed. The inside of the cafe was just as richly decorated with flowers and I had to admire the work that must have gone into the decoration of both the inside and outside of this place. We got a lovely table by the window and when we sat down facing each other the reality of what this was really hit me again. No way a girl would do this with someone she didn't really care about, right? But why did it feel like such an impossibility still? I tried to distract myself by looking at the menu and it worked to some degree, although more because my brain wasn't really able to focus on anything that was written in the menu so I became more confused by the second. When the waitress came to take our order I managed to order something, although seconds later I didn't even remember what it was.

“T-This is a nice place Kimura, thanks for bringing me here.” I tried to make some conversation. The truth was, I wanted to talk to her more than anything, but at the same time everything I could think of saying felt so trivial that it seemed absurd to even bring it up. But at least taking about the place made for some harmless conversation.

“I'm glad this actually is nice. I had never seen it before. So I feared that it might all be fake, but it turned out to be really nice.” When she said it that way I almost felt like she wasn't talking about the place we were in right now.

“I know what you mean, Kimura.” I said and apparently it sounded a bit cryptic, because Kimura looked at me quizzically after I said it out loud. Again, this situation was difficult to manage.

At some point one of us had to say something meaningful out loud or the tension would kill us.

“Please call me Kiyomi.” Kimura suddenly said. That wasn't what I had in mind, but it hit me hard all the same. For a couple seconds she really had me stunned and it seemed like she was regretting bringing it up, but of course I really wanted to call her by her first name, so I pulled myself together.

“Alright Kiyomi, I would love to. But you have to call me by my first name as well then.” I didn't know from where I took the gall to say that sentence, but it seemed to have about the same effect on her than it had on me. Her face went very red and she looked to the site.

“O-Okay Hanami.” Hearing her say my first name at that moment really touched something deep inside of me and I knew then that I couldn't go back to see this girl as just a mere friend or anything like that. I had to tell her how I felt.