The Tired Chemist

Coffee, warm and bitter. It’s the only thing that keeps me going in these mornings where the only thought that lingers in my mind is “Why did I choose this job?”

As I look outside, the powdered snow that covers the company premises answers my questions. It was the very same time of the year when I had my internship, right here, in this exact building. I remember being so happy that I actually got an internship at this very well established company. In fact, I was so blinded by it, that I ignored the red flags.

“Actually working in the lab only makes up about 20% of your work here. The majority of your time will be spent writing, documenting and handling papers, lots and lots of papers.”

Yeah, no kidding, my advisor really wasn’t lying. Look, I get that it’s important, but this is not, and I repeat, not what I expected! You’re telling me I spend my whole life studying my butt off just for this-

“Friedrich! I still need those papers!”

Called back to life by the harsh and raspy voice of my coworker, I stare at my coffee, just to get lost in the fragrant aroma again. It provides a stark and definitely needed contrast to the cold outside.

Where was I?

Ah yes, my career choice. See, I always wanted to do something for the world. Either to advance it, or to just make it more liveable. Why? I can’t even explain it to myself if I’m being honest.

However, then I got obsessed with science, worked my butt off, got into university, worked my butt off there as well, and now I’m here. Great…

“Friedrich!”

I take the last sip from my coffee and sigh, before signing the needed documents from this stack of misery. The dimly lit halls of this forsaken complex perfectly describes the feeling of working here: dry, tired, and never-ending.

It’s not all bad though. After handing over the paper to my coworker, I put on the white lab coat hanging on the door next to my desk and enter the only place that keeps me sane at work, the laboratory.

Here is the actual reason for why I’m still going to work. My job here is of course to do my assigned work. It usually doesn’t involve synthesising, despite being in the complex focused on exactly that. Most of the time I, and my coworkers, have to analyse compounds that our team made like a year ago, just for it to have no value.

This is of course not the reason why this is my safe space. Everyday, I use the equipment here to do my own little side work, even though I’m definitely not allowed to. See, I’ve been working on a compound that could revolutionize the whole industry. Scratch that, the whole world even!

But with the amount of actual work I have to do, my own project only progresses slowly. Still, I’ve been keeping at it, and it helped me survive what I thought was my dream career.

This has been my daily life. Going to work, barely doing my job, working on my actual passion somehow, going back home and sleeping. However, after about three years, it would pay off.