Chapter 12

                                                                           Gerda

The water was freezing, but that was a good thing. It helped to clear my head of the effects of the heat, gravity, and atmospheric composition I was suffering from, at least to some extent.

Kaya seemed to have a great time, seemingly unaffected by those effects. We splashed some water on each other and tried to swim around. It was kinda nice, different from all the activities I’d done with the Youth Explorers.

When she got out, I stayed in the water longer than I probably should, not wanting to expose myself to the afternoon’s heat again, and I only got out when my remark about sunburns made her put her dress on. I trembled from the cold and quickly dried myself with a towel and put my T-shirt on before lying next to her on the blanket.

“This is so good. Thank you…”, she whispered and looked at me with a smile

“For what?”

“For taking me here and everything..."

I smiled. This trip had turned out to be better than I’d imagined, but like all things, it would come to an end soon. One more jump to her mum’s world, and it would be over. I sighed and turned onto my back, looking at the soft blue sky above us.

“A-are you okay?", she asked.

“Yeah…and you?"

“Tired…”

“It’s been a long day…”

She turned to me and took my hand, and for a moment, I wished we could stay like this forever. It was stupid, though. Good things never lasted, and when they were gone, you were back to where you started, feeling more shit than before. It wasn’t fair, but no one said life was. So it was better to prepare for it in advance.

I stretched myself and turned my back to the sky, trying to get away from her without being obvious about pushing her away. She deserved something better than this… than me…

                                                                     Kaya

Her body felt tense when I put my hand on her back.

“G-Gerda… A-are you ok?”

"Yeah…just tired…"

Was this really the case? I’d learnt a long time ago that people rarely said the truth, and their words were different from their actions. I never understood why they did it, it was so confusing. It was true that I’d gotten used to it, but at the same time, I stopped caring about what someone said since there was no point basing my judgement on it.

Was Gerda the same? I wasn’t sure. She was always so kind to me, but at the same time, I sometimes doubted that she actually said what she really wanted to. It was difficult to know. She didn’t really speak much in the first place, so I couldn't notice any pattern. But in situations like these, I felt there was more to it than she told me.

If only I were like everyone else and could speak with ease, I could have a chance to find it just by talking to her. But I was as I was, and I knew that in most cases my attempt at conversation would only make everything worse, and I would probably say some weird, inappropriate thing that would push her away, so I stayed quiet.

I ran my hand down her back, hoping it would help her release some of the tension I felt under my palms. She sighed quietly, and I assumed it was a sign she liked it. I smiled and looked at the sun slowly setting behind the trees. The air was still warm, but the worst of the heat was gone as the evening breeze filled the air.

Maybe it didn’t matter that much that none of us were good at talking. Maybe we just had other ways of communicating than through words. Somehow, despite everything, we’d managed to become friends. I cared about her, and I knew she did too, so maybe there was no point in saying the obvious…

I brushed my hand through her short brown hair and started to comb it with my fingers, suddenly wishing for her to stay. No, it wouldn’t be fair. No matter what I wanted, I had no right to force her to do such a thing. She’d never really told me what she wanted to do, except for her wish for a fresh start somewhere that didn’t suck too much, and I’d never thought about it too much until now.

In some ways, I had also left to start fresh, but with my mum instead. Even if none of our wishes was clearly defined and, therefore, open to interpretation, somehow I felt they meant different things that were incompatible with each other.

                                                                   Gerda

I must have somehow fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes, it was dark, and a myriad of stars shone in the sky. I stretched myself and looked around, but Kaya was nowhere to be seen. With a pang of fear, I got up and rushed to our ship, hoping that the light I saw inside meant that she was there.

"Kaya…?", I called from the door.

"Gerda," I heard her voice calling my name, and I sighed with relief as she came around the corner.

“You fell asleep. I-I didn't want to wake you up.”

She smiled.

"I… I made us some food.”

"Thanks"

I smiled back, realising how hungry I was.

“W-we could eat outside. It’s still so warm..."

“Sure”

I watched her disappear into the back of the ship and then reappear, carrying a tray with some plates on it. We walked back to our blanket and sat down, listening to the wildlife bustling in the nearby forest. For the first time in as long as I could remember, a strange feeling of peace filled my body. It was weird, but it felt good, and maybe for the first time, life didn’t suck as much as it normally did.