III — What Stays Before It Fades by Anna Kanzaki

My name is Anna Kanzaki.

The surname written by kanji for "apricot" and "love."

Though, I didn't know I was loved for being a fruit.

Anyway...

I am now seventeen years old. 

Currently a female high school student in Aomori Prefecture.

This time, I woke up earlier than usual today.

Not because I wanted to, of course. 

Deep down, I never have any desire to wake up early.

As I looked around, the room felt strange. 

Or maybe I was one instead.

I thought about the event yesterday—and no, I shouldn’t. 

It was too embarrassing. Even for me.

Why do I always keep replaying things in my head like that?

Especially the part where I hit his head with the book.

That was a bit too unnecessary.

No, that’s not right. It wasn’t unnecessary, just…

a little bit too much. 

Even for me.

Because I could take a shower, put on my uniform, and go to school like usual.

That would be easier.

But something about it feels too clean. Too plain.

Like nothing is carried over.

Nothing special. Nothing specific.

Just… gone.

And I don’t like that.

I simply want something small to keep.

Something I can think about before going to sleep.

Something that feels real, and genuine for me.

No… that sounds like a little bit too much.

Yes, I know exactly. It doesn’t have to be anything special.

Just something I can touch and know it happened.

Like the taste of foods on my finger after breakfast.

Salty.

Strange, but… not unpleasant.

It may sound weird, but with him… maybe I can finally experience that.

But he’s like the moon's reflection. The sun hiding beneath the moon.

Somehow, he simply makes everyone seem brighter than ever.

No matter when it's day or night.

However, I don’t really get easily affected by the sun just like that.

Or if anything, I’m more like an apricot tree—just standing there, doing nothing.

Sometimes, if lucky enough... a bit of light reaches me, slipping through the leaves, but most of it gets caught in the branches and turned into that black shadow.

Oh, wait…  that didn’t come out right.

Either way, it’s impossible for me to reach him.

Hey, Riku Reita-kun.

Can I finally reach you?

Or if I can’t… will you be able to make me shine? Just like you?

I said that as I sat in the bathtub, soaking my body, letting those flowery thoughts drift.

Undressed. Naked. Yes.

Simply an empty vessel.

And just like flowers—

if nothing can see me through this white foam, then maybe I’m safe from anyone.

At least, for now.

Because my body is somehow stiff but also fragile, as much as a vase.

What’s the point of a vase without flowers?

Again... that sounded strange. Uncanny.

Because... when the foam is gone, I’ll be nothing just like an empty vase.

So…  instead of letting the vase empty, I put on some clothes.

After that, I just went through the rest of the morning by...

Watching TV, a lot. 

Reading, a bit. 

And drawing, just a little.

The usual thing to do.

Honestly, it’s always been like this on weekends.

Nothing has truly changed.

By the time I moved to the next room, it already felt empty again.

And soon, there was nothing but a message from the closest one.

Hey, Anna.

Are you awake already? Make sure to eat breakfast and take care of yourself.

I love you. Sorry for being so busy lately and not spending time with you.

— Mom

I stared at it for a while, hoping something would change.

But nothing did. Or rather, she did nothing.

I got bored, locked my screen, and tossed my phone out of sight.

Then I went back to what I was doing.

And once again, as usual.

I picked up the vacuum cleaner and cleaned up the room.

Her bedroom. The one that never really felt like mine.

It didn’t take long before I started preparing lunch.

I should prepare dinner too. After all, she’d be home late again.

And by the time she did, I had already fallen asleep—

Without really thinking about her ever again. 

Not even her loneliness every single night.

Before any of that, I went out to buy ingredients for dinner, then stopped by a bookstore.

In a way, these were the only things I could call eventful.

Even if these kind of activities didn’t last.

Money? It wasn’t really a problem.

But uh... it’s not like I had a lot that much, either.

I just saved a little from time to time after school, while waiting for the weekdays to end.

So the weekends could come earlier without any hesitation.

And I could finally buy the books I liked from the bookstore.

Or maybe a new manga from the usual weekly release.

Usually shoujo romance.

Sometimes mystery.

Or maybe thriller too.

Later on, as I finished with chores duty, I went to buy one.

Yes, there was a new manga release on this week.

As I arrived at the bookstore, I went straight to the manga section.

Still carrying those ingredients for the dinner.

And as soon as I reached the shelf…

Someone was already standing there.

I almost turned away.

But then I noticed who it was.

Oh God... what’s he doing here?

He was flipping pages through a shoujo manga.

The latest volume. 

In the Clear Dusk of Moonlight.

That didn’t suit him.

Or maybe… it did.

Either way, I didn’t think about it too much.

After all, it’s just a bookstore. Anyone could visit and read any book here.

Still… out of everyone, it had to be him.

Riku Reita.

Certainly, I was never a girl who believed a random coincidence like the ones in shoujo manga could be any real. However, maybe God just enjoys flirting with the passage of time.

It’s as if we both decided to go to the same place, head to the same shelf, and read the same book.

It’s probably just some conspiracy theory swirling in my head.

Or maybe something really is pulling at it—

either way, God was being devious.