What Stays Before It Fades by Anna Kanzaki

My name is Anna Kanzaki.

Seventeen years old. A high school student in Aomori Prefecture.

I woke up earlier than usual today.

Not because I wanted to, of course. Deep down, I never have any desire to wake up early.

As I looked around, the room felt strange. Or maybe I was.

I thought about yesterday—no, I shouldn’t. It’s embarrassing.

Why do I always replay things like that?

Especially the part where I hit him with the book.

That was a bit too unnecessary.

No, that’s not right. It wasn’t unnecessary, just…

a little too much. Even for me.

I could take a shower, put on my uniform, and go to school like usual.

That would be easier.

But something about it feels too clean. Too plain.

Like nothing is carried over.

Nothing special. Nothing specific.

Just… gone.

I don’t like that.

I want something small to keep.

Something I can think about before going to sleep.

Something that feels real.

No… that sounds like too much.

It doesn’t have to be anything special.

Just something I can touch and know it happened.

Like the taste on my finger after breakfast.

Salty.

Strange, but… not unpleasant.

It may sound weird, but with him… maybe I can finally experience that.

But he’s like the moon.

Somehow, he makes everyone seem brighter.

I don’t really get affected by things like that.

If anything, I’m more like a tree—just standing there.

Sometimes a bit of light reaches me, slipping through the leaves, but most of it gets caught in the branches and turns into shadow.

…That didn’t come out right.

Either way, it’s impossible for me to reach him.

Hey, Riku Reita.

Can I finally reach you?

Or if I can’t… will you be able to make me shine?

I said that as I sat in the bathtub, soaking my body, letting those flowery thoughts drift.

And just like flowers—

if nothing can see me through the foam, then maybe I’m safe from anyone.

What’s the point of a vase without flowers?

...That sounded strange.

When the foam is gone, I’ll be just like an empty vase.

So…  instead of letting the vase empty, I put on some clothes.

After that, I just went through the rest of the morning.

Watching TV. Reading a bit. Drawing, a little.

The usual.

It’s always been like this on weekends.

Nothing changed.

By the time I moved to the next room, it already felt empty again.

And soon, a message from the closest one.

Hey, Anna.

Are you awake already? Make sure to eat breakfast and take care of yourself.

I love you. Sorry for being so busy lately and not spending time with you.

— Mom

I stared at it for a while, hoping something would change.

But nothing did.

I got bored, locked my screen, and tossed my phone out of sight.

Then I went back to what I was doing.

I picked up the vacuum cleaner and cleaned up the room.

Her bedroom. The one that never really felt like mine.

It didn’t take long before I started preparing lunch.

I should prepare dinner too. After all, she’d be home late again.

And by the time she did, I had already fallen asleep—

Without really thinking about her ever again. 

Not even her loneliness.

Before any of that, I went out to buy ingredients for dinner, then stopped by a bookstore.

In a way, these were the only things I could call eventful.

Even if they didn’t last.

Money wasn’t really a problem.

It’s not like I had a lot, either.

I just saved a little from time to time, after school, waiting for the weekdays to end.

So the weekends could come.

And I could finally buy the books I liked.

Or a new manga release.

Usually shoujo romance.

Sometimes mystery.

Or thriller.

As I arrived at the bookstore, I went straight to the manga section.

Still carrying the ingredients for dinner.

As soon as I reached the shelf…

Someone was already standing there.

I almost turned away.

But then I noticed who it was.

What’s he doing here?

He was flipping through a shoujo manga.

The latest volume. 

In the Clear Dusk of Moonlight.

That didn’t suit him.

Or maybe… it did.

Either way, I didn’t think about it too much.

After all, it’s just a bookstore. Anyone could visit and read any book here.

Still… out of everyone, it had to be him.

Riku Reita.

Certainly, I was never a girl who believed a random coincidence like the ones in shoujo manga could be any real. However, maybe God just enjoys flirting with the passage of time.

It’s as if we both decided to go to the same place, head to the same shelf, and read the same book.

It’s probably just some conspiracy theory swirling in my head.

Or maybe something really is pulling at it—

either way, God was being devious.