Why Does It Feel So Different?

When Miyo returned to her room for the night, the mess of it seemed to hold onto to the day, as if it refused to let it go.

How Akio was the first person to see her place. How he helped her cook and carry things without complaint. How he got so close to her.

She shook the thoughts away. Why am I thinking about him?

She tried cleaning up her room - folding the clothes, organizing her desk, and tying the trash bag full of letters. 

Her hands stilled.

For a moment, she just stared at the letters.

The letters she put her heart and soul into for Shinichi.

A memory surfaced, soft and warm.

Shinichi leaning in towards her face, gently spreading the mask across her skin. Careful. Considerate. Tender. Back then, her heart fluttered. Her heart always did whenever Shinichi was near.

Then, without warning, another memory overlapped it.

Akio's hand under her chin, the lack of space between them, and the way she couldn't look away from his gaze.

Her face burned.

Miyo quickly tightened the knot on the trash bag, harder than necessary.

Why does it feel so different?

She pressed her hand to her face, as if she could still feel the touch, though she wasn't sure whose touch was still lingering.

-

Once Akio entered his apartment, he closed the door and sank to the floor. Why on earth did I do that?

"What are you doing?" A voice called from the darkness of his apartment.

Akio looked up. "Akemi? What are you doing up? It's late."

Akemi, Akio's younger sister, stood there in the dim light of her game console in one hand and snacks in the other. "It's the weekend." She stared at him, unimpressed. "You seriously going to sit on the floor in the dark all night?"

He sighed as he got up. "Don't stay up too late."

"Did you get dumped?"

He snapped his head towards her. "What?"

"You've been hanging out with some girl lately." She took a bite of her snack. "Looks like it finally fell through."

"I told you." He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm helping her get with the guy she likes."

Akemi raised an eyebrow. "Sure."

"What's with that look?"

"Nothing. Just hard to believe you're helping when you look like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you messed up."

Akio froze. "I-I didn't mean to. I thought we were joking around... It just went too far."

Akemi sighed, losing interest. "Then apologize."

"I tried."

"Then do something that will make it up to her." She retreated to her room, before looking back at him once more. "You're better with people than you think. I'm sure you can figure it out."

Akemi went into her room and the apartment fell silent.

Something that will make it up to her...? What am I supposed to do?

-

"What are we supposed to do?" Kenta whined. 

"He doesn't seem like the type that would expose us." Shinichi sighed. "But he's not an ideal person to find out either."

"Well... Now that I think about it. He probably would've found out eventually."

"What makes you say that?"

"I asked Sanada-san about her feelings, like you wanted me to. She was quite flustered about it." Kenta tilted his head. "So, if they got together, wouldn't Sanada-san tell him?"

"I doubt Miyo would say anything, even if it were to her partner."

"You think?"

"She's not the type to share things like that."

Kenta leaned back against Shinichi's couch. "You know, I hate to say it since you're not a fan of him, but he seems like an alright guy. Sanada-san doesn't seem to mind him either."

Shinichi's jaw tightened. "I just don't think he suits her. He's too brash."

"Yeah, he's a bit brash and smug, but he also seems quite considerate towards her, doesn't that count for something?"

Shinichi rested his head on Kenta's shoulder. "He doesn't feel genuine to me."

"What exactly are you worried about?"

"I don't want to see her get hurt..."

"If you're this worried about it, then you should talk to her." Kenta rested his head against Shinichi's. "She's your friend, isn't she?"

-

A new week started, and with it, new things for Miyo to think about.

She didn't like how things were left between her and Akio, but she also didn't know what to do about it. 

And then there was Shinichi.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Shinichi stare at her again. He'd been doing it all morning. His attention was overwhelming; she couldn't tell if it was a good or bad thing. 

Miyo sighed as she stared at her screen, her mind too clouded for productivity. 

For the tenth time that hour, Shinichi glanced at Miyo again. If she really likes him, won't she get offended if I tell her my concerns about him? But this is what friends are for. Surely she'll understand.

Shinichi took a deep breath, but before he could say anything, Miyo's phone buzzed, taking her attention. 

For a moment, all Miyo could do was stare:

Meet me on the balcony. You don't have to show up, but I'll wait for ten minutes.

This was the first she'd heard from Akio since that night. She wasn't sure what to think.

He'll wait for me? What for? Is this about the other night? I don't know if I can face him...

"Miyo? Is something wrong?"

Miyo flinched. Shinichi was now clearly watching her. "N-No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah..." she said unconvincingly, before looking back down at her phone. If I don't go... What happens then?

The thought made her chest feel heavy, though she wasn't too sure why. She thought for a moment longer before making her way to the balcony.

-

Once Miyo arrived, Akio was already there, leaning against the railing with a bag in hand. "You came."

Miyo stayed near the door. "You asked me to."

"You don't have to just because I asked." A faint smile flickered across his face. "But... I'm glad you did."

Miyo didn't know how to respond.

The morning air carried the quiet stillness between them.

Akio rubbed the back of his neck, breaking the silence. "About the other night... I shouldn't have done that. I didn't think about how it would make you feel. I'm sorry."

She lowered her eyes as she fidgeted with her sleeves. "Y-You don't have to apologize again..."

"I know. And don't feel like you have to accept it either if you're not comfortable. That's not really why I asked you to meet me."

She looked up. "Huh? T-Then why?"

"I wanted to give you this." Akio handed her the bag in his hand.

"What is it?" As she took the bag, her fingers brushed his, brief but enough to make her pull back quickly.

Akio noticed how the slight contact flustered her. "Tea."

"Tea?" She looked in the bag to find a packet of tea leaves.

"You said you like tea. I saw this and thought you might like it."

"Is this your way of apologizing...?"

He shook his head. "No. Just thought you'd like it."

Miyo stared at the bag of tea, a small warmth blooming in her chest. He didn't have to get me anything... I really didn't expect him to remember me saying that either...

Akio slowly made his way to the door. "I should get back to work."

"Akio."

He paused. "Yeah?"

She held the bag a little closer. "Thank you." A faint blush crept up her cheeks, but she met his eyes anyway.

"I hope you like it."

A small smile softened her face. "I already do."

Akio stilled for a second, something unspoken settling between them. He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but instead he simply met her smile. "I'm glad."

-

When Miyo returned to her desk, Shinichi quickly noticed the shift in her mood. "You look like you're in a better mood."

"Huh?"

Shinichi tilted his head. "Earlier, you seemed down. Now, you seem a bit more relaxed."

Miyo blinked. "I-I do?" I didn't even notice...

Shinichi placed a cup of coffee on her desk. "I made you some coffee to cheer you up but maybe you don't need it anymore."

She offered a polite smile. "T-Thank you. It's still nice of you."

Miyo unconsciously held the bag of tea from Akio tighter as she stared at the cup of coffee Shinichi made her. Why does it feel so different?