I tried talking to a cute girl and got Suplexed Instead

If Chapter 6 taught me anything…

It’s that living with a beautiful girl is not always a blessing.

Sometimes…

It’s a life-threatening experience.

I didn’t sleep.

Not even a little.

I sat at the edge of my bed.

Fully dressed.

Fully awake.

Mentally preparing for death.

“…She tried to dissect me.”

I stared at the wall.

“…She actually tried to dissect me. And here I thought I finally found love, I was so wrong”

Behind me—

The door creaked open slightly.

“Good morning, Ren.”

I froze.

Slowly.

Very slowly…

I turned my head.

Aoi stood there.

Completely normal.

Hair neat.

Glasses straight.

Smile soft.

“…Good morning,” she said gently.

…What?

“…You tried to cut me open last night.”

She tilted her head.

“Oh?”

“…DON’T ‘oh’ ME YOU LUNATIC APOLOGIZE AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR LEADING ON A POOR TEENAGE BOY LIKE ME INTO THINKING I FOUND LOVE.”

She tapped her chin lightly.

“…I see.”

“…You SEE?!”

She nodded.

“Yes. That was an experimental error. Also I wasn’t leading you on Ren”

“…AN ERROR?!”

“I misjudged the timing.”

“…You misjudged EVERYTHING!”

She smiled apologetically.

“I will schedule future experiments more appropriately.”

“…There will be MORE?!”

I grabbed my head.

“…I’m going to school.”

“Already?”

“Yes.”

“I haven’t finished observing you.”

“YOU’RE NOT OBSERVING ME ANYMORE.”

I stormed out of the room.

Grabbed my bag.

And headed toward the academy.

“…I need a normal day.”

The moment I stepped onto campus—

I knew that wasn’t happening.

Whispers.

Immediately.

I almost forgot I’m like a exotic animal to these people.

“That’s him…”

“The boy…”

“I heard he lives with a girl now…”

“Is that even allowed?”

“…I’m dead.”

I kept walking.

Trying to ignore it.

Trying to survive.

And that’s when I heard it—

“A boy… and a girl… living together…”

The voice was soft.

Dreamy.

Almost… excited.

I turned.

And saw her.

Standing under a tree.

Bathed in sunlight.

Hands clasped together.

Eyes sparkling like she was watching the final scene of a romance movie.

“…How romantic…”

…Yeah.

That was my first red flag.

She was beautiful.

Long dark hair flowing gently in the breeze.

A toned, athletic figure.

And a calm, graceful posture that screamed—

refined upper-class lady.

Then she noticed me.

Our eyes met.

“…Ah.”

Her cheeks flushed slightly.

“…It’s you.”

“…Me?” I pointed at myself.

She stepped closer.

Slowly.

Elegantly.

Like the main heroine of a love story approaching her destined partner.

“My name is Hikari Shinozaki,” she said softly.

“I am the captain of the academy’s martial arts division… specifically judo and karate.”

…Wait.

Martial arts?

“And you…”

She looked at me.

Eyes shining even brighter.

“…are the boy living with Aoi.”

“…Yeah, unfortunately.”

She gasped softly.

Hands rising to her chest.

“…So it’s true…”

Uh oh.

“A boy and a girl… living under the same roof…”

She took another step closer.

“…sharing meals… waking up under the same morning light…”

“…We are NOT doing that.”

“…forbidden love within a restricted academy…”

“THAT’S NOT WHAT THIS IS.”

“…fighting against the world for the sake of their feelings…”

“THERE ARE NO FEELINGS.”

Her expression deepened.

Like she had just reached the emotional climax of a romance novel.

“…How beautiful…”

“…You’re not listening to me at all, are you?”

She looked directly at me.

Smiling.

“…You must protect her.”

“…From WHAT?!”

“…From a world that would tear your love apart.”

“…I’m gonna lose my mind.”

She took one more step closer.

Too close.

“…Do you hold her hand when no one is watching?”

“…NO.”

“…Have you confessed yet?”

“…NO.”

“…Have you at least—”

“NO.”

She paused.

Completely still.

“…I see.”

Oh thank god.

“…So you’re still in the early stages of your romance.”

“WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!”

Her eyes softened.

Then—

Something changed.

“…Aoi…”

she whispered.

“…looking up at you…”

“…your hands intertwined…”

“…a quiet moment…”

“…Hey.”

“…your lips slowly drawing closer—”

“…HEY.”

“…a kiss beneath the moonlight—”

“HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING—”

THUD.

The world flipped.

And suddenly—

I was on the ground.

Flat on my back.

“…What just happened.”

Hikari stood above me.

Perfect posture.

Completely calm.

“…Sorry.”

“…SORRY?!”

“I entered a visualization state.”

“…YOU BODY-SLAMMED ME.”

“It was instinct.”

“…WHAT KIND OF INSTINCT IS THAT?!”

“When I imagine romance…”

She adjusted her sleeve slightly.

“…my body reacts.”

“…YOUR BODY TRIES TO KILL PEOPLE.”

She nodded thoughtfully.

“…Yes.”

“…THAT’S NOT NORMAL.”

“I have been told that before.”

I slowly sat up.

Holding my back.

“…You’re dangerous.”

She smiled gently.

“…Only when I’m inspired.”

“…I don’t like that.”

And that’s when—

“Ren Arakawa.”

…Oh no.

I froze.

Slowly turning my head.

Nanami stood there.

Watching.

Her eyes moved from—

Me.

On the ground.

To—

Hikari.

Standing over me.

Silence.

“…I can explain.”

Her gaze sharpened.

“…You are already in violation.”

“I’M THE VICTIM HERE!”

Hikari tilted her head.

“…Victim?”

“YES, VICTIM! I WAS ASSAULTED BY ROMANCE!”

“…That sentence makes no sense.”

“IT DOES IN THIS SCHOOL!”

Nanami stepped forward.

Cold.

Dangerous.

“…Explain. Now.”

I pointed at Hikari.

“She daydreamed about romance and SUPLEXED ME!”

“…That is not a valid explanation.”

“IT SHOULD BE!”

Hikari bowed slightly.

“…I apologize, President.”

“…For what.”

“…I became overwhelmed by their love story.”

“THERE IS NO LOVE STORY!”

Nanami’s eye twitched.

“…I see.”

…She does NOT see.

“I swear I’ve joined a school full of lunatics. I thought I was in for something amazing at least. Maybe some boobs I could fondle. Maybe my first high school romance as a growing teenage boy. But instead, all I’ve gotten is a sadistic principal, a prison warden of a vice principal, a mean student council president, a crazy science girl trying to dissect me, and—oh yeah—Mrs. Human Weapon throwing me onto my back. For a school that’s supposed to be full of gentle women… you girls are more like gorillas.”

The moment those words left my mouth—

Silence.

Heavy.

Oppressive.

The kind of silence that makes you question every life decision that led you here.

…

…

“…Did I say that out loud?” I asked slowly.

“Yes.”

I froze.

That voice.

Cold.

Sharp.

Execution-level authority.

I slowly looked up.

Standing over me…

Were all three of them.

The principal.

Smiling.

Of course she was smiling.

The vice principal.

Arms crossed.

Looking like she was already planning my funeral.

And Nanami.

Staring down at me like I had just committed the highest crime known to humanity.

“…Ah.”

I smiled weakly.

“…Good morning?”

“Ren Arakawa,” the principal said sweetly.

That smile did not match her tone.

“At once.”

“…At once?”

“To my office.”

…

…

…

This is it.

My soul left my body.

“…I understand,” I said quietly, standing up.

This is how it ends.

Not in battle.

Not in glory.

But because I called them gorillas.

Mom… Dad…

I forgive you.

Even though you sold me.

I walked between them.

Escorted.

Like a criminal.

Like a man on death row.

Every step felt heavier.

Every breath shorter.

“…Vice Principal,” I whispered.

“Yes.”

“…Will it hurt?”

“…Yes.”

IT’S OVER.

We arrived at the office.

The same room.

The same desk.

The same place where my life started going downhill.

“Sit,” the principal said.

I sat.

Immediately.

Perfect posture.

I have never behaved better in my life.

Silence.

They all stood in front of me.

Looking down.

Evaluating.

Judging.

“…Before we begin,” I said carefully.

“…Can I at least say goodbye to my family jewels?”

“Silence.”

“…Understood.”

The principal tilted her head slightly.

“…You misunderstand the situation.”

…I blinked.

“…I do?”

“Yes.”

She leaned forward slightly.

Still smiling.

Still terrifying.

“This is not a disciplinary meeting.”

“…It’s not?”

“No.”

Nanami crossed her arms.

Her expression serious.

“…This is a safety concern.”

“…Safety?”

The vice principal stepped forward.

Her voice colder than usual.

“You are at risk.”

…

…

…

“…From who?” I asked slowly.

All three of them answered at the same time.

“Aoi Narizumi.”

…

…

…

“…That’s fair.”

The principal straightened.

“She is… exceptionally gifted.”

Nanami added—

“…and completely unrestrained when it comes to her research.”

The vice principal finished—

“…which makes her dangerous.”

I stared at them.

“…So let me get this straight.”

I pointed at myself.

“You’re not here to punish me…”

“No.”

“You’re not here to expel me…”

“Not yet.”

“…And you’re definitely not here to remove my family jewels?”

Silence.

“…Correct.”

I leaned back in my chair.

Letting out the biggest sigh of relief of my life.

“…Oh thank God.”

The principal smiled wider.

“But that does not mean you are safe.”

…

…

…

“…I was feeling better for like two seconds.”

The principal placed her hands together.

Calm.

Composed.

Terrifying.

“From this point forward,” she said, “your situation will be… adjusted.”

“…Adjusted how?” I asked carefully.

Nanami stepped forward.

“You will follow stricter regulations.”

The vice principal added—

“I will be observing you personally on a daily basis.”

“…That sounds like harassment.”

“It is supervision.”

“…Feels like harassment.”

The principal smiled.

“And as for Aoi Narizumi…”

I leaned forward slightly.

“…Yes?”

“She will continue her research.”

My soul left my body again.

“…Of course she will.”

Nanami crossed her arms.

“But understand this, Ren Arakawa.”

Her eyes locked onto mine.

“If anything happens…”

Her voice dropped.

“…you will be held responsible.”

“…Even if I’m the victim?”

“Yes.”

“…This system is broken.”

The vice principal stepped closer.

“And if you are unable to control the situation…”

She paused.

“…we will remove you from it.”

…

…

…

“…You mean expel me, right?”

Silence.

“…Right?”

The principal smiled.

“We’ll see.”

“…I hate that answer.”

A few minutes later—

I was walking back to the mansion.

Alive.

Technically.

“…Okay,” I muttered to myself.

“Let’s think positive.”

No execution.

No expulsion.

No loss of family jewels.

“…This is manageable.”

I nodded.

Convincing myself.

“…Yeah.”

I opened the mansion door.

“I can handle this.”

I stepped inside.

“I just need to stay calm, follow the rules, and avoid any dangerous situations.”

And that’s when I saw it.

Aoi.

Standing in the living room.

Surrounded by equipment.

Again.

Wearing…

…a lab coat.

And holding—

A syringe.

“…Welcome back, Ren,” she said softly.

“…What’s that.”

She smiled.

“A non-invasive stimulant.”

“…Define non-invasive.”

She tilted her head.

“It won’t kill you.”

…

…

…

I slowly closed the door behind me.

“…I made a mistake.”

And just like that—

My survival chances dropped to zero.