Chapter 12: Atonement

I looked up at the figure in front of me. The person behind all the misery in my life.

"Matsuda-san."

"It’s been two years since you moved to Sendai. How have you been, Hayashi-san?" Daiki asked.

I tried to work out his motive. He was in my neighbourhood again. He’d probably just come from the Inoues’. A pang of jealousy and hostility twisted in my chest.

"Yeah." I grunted. I didn’t want to talk to him any more than necessary. And today was the worst possible day to run into him.

"Hayashi-san. I…" He glanced back at the Inoues’ house. "I heard about what happened. And I… I’m sorry. I really am."

What devilry is he up to? My eyebrows knitted together. I studied his face. The face I’d wanted to punch for two years.

"Now’s probably a bad time… You must still be in a rough state." He scratched his head.

"How about lunch tomorrow at twelve? The diner by the lighthouse." He paused. "I’ll explain everything. My treat." He clasped his hands together and waited.

I was stumped. This was moving too fast. I studied his expression carefully. He wasn’t smiling. He looked… honest.

"I’ll think about it, Matsuda-san. Give me some time.”

His shoulders dropped slightly. “I understand. Can I at least give you my number? So you can let me know either way.”

"Yeah… sure." I took out my phone and we exchanged numbers. I lifted the bag in my hand. "I’m heading home for dinner."

"Of course. It’s already late." He stepped aside. "Take care of yourself, Hayashi-san. I hope you’ll let me explain." He clasped his hands again, as if apologising for the whole conversation.

I still didn’t know what to make of this. The Daiki Matsuda in front of me was worlds apart from the one I’d known two years ago.

"Bye." I walked home without looking back.

I passed the Inoue residence and looked up instinctively. Yuki’s room light was on. I stood there a moment, half-expecting to catch a glimpse of her.

Then my phone rang.

"Onii-chan, what’s taking so long?"

"I went for a walk."

"Sounds like you got lost. I’m hungry."

"I’m outside now. See you." I hung up and went in.

She can be annoying. But she’s caring, in her own way. Thanks, Sachi-chan.

Sachi was at the dining table with Mum, seated at an angle where she could see the door. I had a feeling Mum already knew something was wrong.

"Ryo-chan. Have you eaten? I’m sorry I was late again."

"Hi Mum. I bought food — don’t worry. I just got sidetracked." Her eyes stayed on my face. "I even got myself chocolate milk." I gave her a smile that didn’t quite reach my eyes.

Mum gave me a long look, then decided not to push. “I’ll be upstairs if you need anything.”

"Thanks, Mum. You worked late — get some rest."

She glanced at Sachi briefly and headed upstairs. Sachi’s eyes followed me around the kitchen.

"Something on my face?" I asked.

"Yeah. Depression." She raided the bag for her dinner.

I chuckled, dry as it was. Sachi always knew exactly what to say to my quips. Annoyingly endearing.

"I ran into him on the way home."

"Who?" She popped her bento into the microwave.

"Matsuda-san. Must have just come from the Inoues’."

Sachi’s eyes narrowed. "And? You didn’t start anything?"

I leaned against the counter. "He’s different from how I remembered."

"Different how?"

I held her gaze. “Sachi-chan. You know what I mean. You’re not that oblivious. What happened in the past two years?”

The uncomfortable heat that had been sitting in my chest all evening surfaced properly. I looked away. “What else is there that I don’t know? That everyone’s been keeping from me?”

Sachi looked at me carefully. “We can talk about this. But I have one condition.”

"What condition?"

"We talk over dinner. And you don’t speak while I’m speaking." She levelled with me.

"That’s two conditions." I squinted.

"Deal or no deal?" She folded her arms.

The microwave beeped, as if settling it for me. “Fine.” I took her bento out and put mine in.

Sachi eyed the chocolate milk on the counter.

"That’s mine, Sachi-chan." She glared at me briefly.

"And I’ll listen. Quietly." I sighed and watched the microwave countdown. Time moved with the urgency of a very calm snail.

Sachi didn’t wait. She was already into her curry rice.

Ding.

I took out my bento and sat down across from her. “You may begin.”

Sachi waited until I’d had my first bite before she started.

"When you left Kaminoseki… Hana-chan told me Yuki-san was heartbroken. You didn’t tell her. I know Mum and Dad decided it for you. But you still could have told the people closest to you."

I chewed slowly. I thought I was starting fresh. I regret it now.

"She suffered for a long time, onii-chan. She confided in Hana-chan. Even when she tried to look out for you after the bullying, you shut her out."

I tightened my grip on my spoon. I thought I was protecting her.

"Hana-chan mentioned something about a promise being broken." Sachi paused.

I stopped chewing.

"She didn’t know what promise. But as far as Yuki-san was concerned, it was broken the moment you left without a word. For months afterwards, she was like you were before you left. A shell."

I looked down at my half-eaten dinner.

"Somewhere along the way, Matsuda-san started approaching her. First with apologies. She wouldn’t see him at first — she blamed him for you leaving, you know."

I kept eating, bite after bite, tasting nothing. The scene played out in my head. Yuki blaming herself for not reaching me. For my disappearance.

"Your leaving made Matsuda-san realise the scale of what he’d done. He never meant for things to go that far. He was just as much an idiot as you were."

My brows knitted. I looked up. "How did you know —"

Sachi’s foot connected with my shin.

"No talking, onii-chan. Such bad manners." I rubbed my shin and grumbled. She continued.

"Matsuda-san went to see Shimizu-san for a while. And then he started coming by. Not just to the Inoues’ — to our house too. With his parents."

I opened my mouth. Sachi’s eyes hardened. I took another spoonful instead.

"He came to apologise. Not just to me. To Mum as well. He’s an idiot. But he’s an honest one. He emptied his savings on gifts trying to make it right with everyone. He even went back to your homeroom teacher and confessed to what he’d done to you." She shook her head slightly. "I still wonder what Shimizu-san said to him."

So that’s what happened. While I was building a new life in Sendai, Matsuda-san was taking his apart trying to fix what he’d broken.

"Then, about a year ago, things started to change."

I’d finished eating by then. I set down my spoon and gripped it, eyes fixed on the empty bento box, bracing for what came next.