Descend the Stairs (Part 5)

Elliso and I lounged outside a shop with the name Rebellious 2nd emblazoned above the door, watching through the ceiling-to-floor windows as Deji tried on a series of bucket hats in different colors. He chatted back and forth with the sole employee behind the counter, a girl around our age with a rather familiar shade of red hair.

“Should we go pull him out?” I asked. “In case Pera shows up?”

“And deprive ourselves of those fireworks? No way.”

“You don’t think Pera will hold us responsible for letting this happen?” I said, gesturing at Deji. The redhead laughed at something he said, making him grin back.

“Worth the risk.”

“If you say so.”

We lapsed into comfortable silence. The backstreets, peppered with smaller independent boutiques, curated thrift stores, and the occasional small flower shop or plant seller, had a slow charm I liked. Despite being so close to the big brand-name stores along the main road where we’d eaten, far fewer shoppers made their way back here. The relaxed atmosphere, with the quieter sounds of footsteps, shop bells, and conversations from passersby, felt inviting. Safe, even.

Here, I felt I didn’t have to worry about being recognized.

“Soooooo…” Elliso said.

“What?” I said, bracing myself for whatever teasing was about to come my way.

“Did something happen while you two were coming down the stairs?”

“Huh?”

I looked over to see Elliso looking at me with an unusually staid expression.

“What do you mean, ‘huh?’ Did you somehow not notice the way she rushed off right away?”

Almost immediately after Nelle and I had arrived at street level, she’d latched on to Pera. They’d hurried away, Nelle saying she wanted to check out a store she’d seen on the way. I’d still been recovering from the descent at the time, but after a couple of hours wandering the shops with Elliso and Deji, I’d recovered enough in mind and stomach to wonder if Nelle remembered she was disguised as a guy when she’d said it was girls’ time only.

Then again, with Pera at her side, maybe she’d just look like an especially supportive boyfriend.

“Didn’t she just want to go to that shop?”

Elliso scratched at the back of his neck, hand pushing aside his blond hair as he did.
“I know you’re not that dumb, Annin. And I know you know that I’ve known her long enough to be able to tell when she’s just making an excuse.” His dusty rose irises locked with mine. “You have too. So the question is, why are you acting like you don’t?”

“I’m not…” I started, then hesitated.

“Tch, tch, tch,” Elliso clicked his tongue as he waggled a finger at me. “Come on, man. You don’t have to hide it if, like, she stumbled and you caught her before she fell down the stairs.”

“Like that kind of cliché would happen to us!”

“Why not?” He winked. “Or are you saying you’d just let the lady fall and injure herself to keep pretending you’re not into her?”

“I wouldn’t, and I’m not!”

“Annin.”

The sudden firmness in Elliso’s tone and the way his face dropped into seriousness stopped me. That, and that it was the first time he’d said my name out loud all day. All three of them had, as always, been conscientiously avoiding naming either Nelle or I lest someone overhear.

“I’m trying to give you a way to say it without making it a big deal. Just spit it out.”

I tried to think back to the perilous journey down the stairs, but all I found in my memory was the haze as I fought through my fear of heights and strained digestive system. There had been that one landing where she’d said something. At least, I thought so. Maybe. But… no. I had nothing.

“I really don’t know,” I said. “There’s nothing to hide between us, anyways.”

“No? Not when she’s obviously in love with you and you refuse to do anything about it?”

I wanted to protest, but after what Nelle had said on that side street—after everything before that—I couldn’t.

“Ugh,” Elliso said. “I swore I wasn’t going to do this.”

“Do what?”

“Play matchmaker. Interfere.”

“You tease me about it all the time.”

“Because I thought it was mutual and you two getting together was inevitable. But I guess I was wrong about that.”

“I never said it was mutual,” I said, starting to feel my own frustration rising. “It’s not like I enjoy this either.”

“If you don’t like it, then why don’t you do anything?”

I realized that we were standing face to face. Something like anger simmered in Elliso’s expression.

“Why are you interfering now?” I bit back.

“Because if you let things stay unclear like this, you’re going to end up hurting her. Maybe you already have. I may not be her attendant anymore, but I’m still her friend. And yours too.”

I wanted to stay mad, but once again, I couldn’t. I stepped away, looking back at Deji, chatting with the shop girl without a care in the world.

“It’s not that simple.”

“What are you talking about, man? Or are you telling me you really don’t like her? And don’t give me some bullshit excuse like, ‘I’m afraid it’ll change our relationships’ or ‘She’s a princess and I’m just a commoner.’”

“I’m still her ambassador.”

Elliso rolled his eyes, stepping away and throwing up his hands.

“That’s just as bad, and you know it. We’re at peace. Those titles mean nothing anymore.”

“I know.”

“Then give me a real reason.”

“I just…”

Memories flashed through my head. Of being a third-grader with a golden ball in my hand. Of a blue-haired girl stepping out of a sleek silver oval. Of going to school with her, of acting like everything was normal even though nothing was normal. Of just being there, alongside her, while worlds watched. Of growing up together, of our shared, growing understanding that uncountable lives relied on the Princess and the Ambassador casting a vision of peace. Of achieving it, of hearing about the Princess Who Saved the Galaxy, of standing side-by-side as the treaty was signed, of being told we could just have normal lives now. Of knowing it wasn’t true, of discovering that actually it might be. Of three years of high school together without the fate of the universe hanging over us.

Of Nelle, my constant friend, my one-time responsibility, and my future… 

My future what?

“I don’t want to be selfish,” I said. I leaned against the nearby wall, craning my neck as far back as I could. “I don’t know if I can.”

The Sky and the Clouds. That’s the one nickname we used to share. Her, the blue vastness; me, the white always with it.

“She’s the one everyone looks to. She’s the one everyone remembers. Even if we’re supposed to just be normal now, she’s still the symbol of peace. That’s why I can’t let myself fall in love with her. I can’t be that selfish.”

“…”

“Don’t give me that face.”

“I’m allowed to be sad when my friend is trying to martyr himself again, this time for no reason. Once was enough.”

“It’s not as dramatic as all that. Besides…”

“Besides what?”

The day of the peace treaty signing, Nelle and I had been flown to the remote island when the representatives gathered. We’d taken an airplane on a cloudy day, and I’d never forgotten the sight that greeted us when we reached cruising altitude. The sun shone the way it didn’t on the ground, illuminating the bright white fluff of the clouds that stretched out until it met the clear blue of the atmosphere. At the horizon, they mingled, each color shading the other.

As I looked above me, a solitary white cumulus floated across the sky.

Just because I’m afraid of heights doesn’t mean that, deep down, I don’t want to try to climb.

“It’s not like I’m saying never.”

You might think that saying something like that was at odds with everything I’d just said. Honestly, you’d probably be right. But it was how I felt, looking at that single cloud. 

Elliso let out a laugh, and I returned my gaze to him.

“What?”

“Why didn’t you just say that from the start, man?”

“Say what?”

The sound of a voice I knew almost as well as my own startled us both. I spun around, Elliso leaning around me, to look at the street corner around which Nelle and Pera were appearing, each with several paper bags on their arms.

“Where’s Deji?” Pera asked.

All my own romantic troubles became quite secondary to keeping Pera Masarée distracted long enough to let Deji Dennan escape from Rebellious 2nd (and his innocuous conversation with the shop girl) with his life.