Betrayal

After a few more days, the cut on my arm is only a large scab, and I can move my shoulder with only minor pain. I roll it to test it out.

Since that day, I shoo off Elyna's normal teasing. I feel bad to see her looking dejected, but I'm not in the mood. Every few hours, I'm overcome with a surge of panic and press my hands to my face. I feel the skin, and the muscles and bones underneath. Feeling the bags under my eyes actually slows my breath with relief.

I am Solen Marsis. I know what my face looks like. Repeating this mantra over and over, I manage to convince myself.

But it's been so long now. The finer details have started to slip from my mind like water in my hands.

My hopes are dwindling, but the light isn't completely gone yet. No one I know has been able to help me. Not the shopkeeper, not Auizia, not even Elyna. They all probably think I'm just having a mental breakdown anyway. I guess they're not that wrong, actually.

Since they can't help me, that leaves me with one option. It's them. The ones who have broken me down since the time I was born. Them, the reason my mental state is made of porcelain to begin with. Those who caused me to fear seeing my own reflection. The delivery men, and the people they work for.

I've never tried asking them questions before. There's never been a reason to. Our whole lives are planned for us. Besides, the me of a few weeks ago would just fear a response from the baton instead of the mouth of the man.

There's a large complex on the outskirts of town, surrounded by barbed wire. It towers over every other building in town, with even taller guard towers at its four corners. Children tell each other it's where the dead go when they die. Adults whisper of horrible atrocities they can only imagine. Trespassers aren't allowed, but there's no sign preventing people from going in through the front door. I've simply never bothered to try.

Going about my day to convince myself I'm normal, I ponder what questions I will ask. Even this is a struggle, though. Every time I walk around town now I notice it. Not a single window. I go to another shop and ask for a mirror. Nothing.

There is nothing different about town. Neither myself nor the world have gone crazy. So what is the third option?

Before I go to the delivery men's headquarters, I need to be free of this Mera's Spine, either on my person or at home. I'm simply lucky they didn't search my house the other day.

First, I go and sell my legal herbs as normal. Going in the shop again feels like stepping into a room with the air sucked out. I keep my head ducked during the exchange, avoiding the piercing gaze of the shopkeeper who I used to barter with, and not even arguing when he scams me out of my herbs for barely anything. This is not the time to make yet another scene.

Money for taxes is the furthest thing from my mind, but I put the coins away in my bag and give my thanks. My feet carry me the usual path from the shop, and I remember when this all began a week ago. Why was there a delivery man there back then? Was he following me? My chest tightens and I hurry. Not that hurrying would even matter. Even my own logic doesn't make any sense.

Crunch.

I whip around. The ground is dry. No snow in sight.

"…"

With a hesitant click of my boots on the ground, I start walking again. Right, left, left, right, left, right, I turn all the normal corners. Once I have these herbs out of my hands, I can focus on my goal.

Just one more corner, and then all I'll need to do is…

…huh?

Why is… why is she here?

I try and stop my foot before it steps down on the other side of the corner, but it's too late.

Why is she here with a delivery man?

And—

"Uh… uh…" I stammer, mouth open.

The delivery man is crouched at the crack in the wall. Why? Why is the crack in the wall full of herbs right next to the delivery man?

They both look at me.

Auizia doesn't say a word. That same look is on her face. Stop it! Stop looking at me like that!

"No," say her eyes. And they don't leave mine. They pull me in and I sink into them until I feel myself start to drown. Deeper and deeper. The hands come out of the darkness and reach towards me I can't see or even feel a thing, too deep is the hole in which I've been thrown, tumbling into bottomless waters where my insides start to freeze and pull apart, stretching my whole body into a slithering endless snake of limbs as I splash and beg for—

"Solen Marsis." Reflected in the delivery man's mask is another stranger. A man with brown hair again, but darker than before. Hazel eyes too close to his nose give him a hawk-like look. I want to rip his eyes out. "Do you confirm this collection of Mera's Spine is yours?"

Teeth clenched, I grip the strap of my bag. What good will lying do? If they search me they'll find more Mera's Spine on me anyway.

"It's… It's not illegal to possess," I say. My soul gasps for breath and cries to be pulled back above the surface.

"Not on its own. But this is a large quantity, certainly over a kilogram. Do you have intent to distribute?"

"I… No, I… was just keeping it around in case the law changed." I speak honestly. I don't believe in my own case, but any lie I could squeeze out will only fuel the crack of the baton.

My vision can't take Auizia's expression anymore and everything starts to blur. Why?

She doesn't answer.

Why?

No response.

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

"Are you stupid?" Those are the first words out of her mouth. "Did you forget? You told me about this place the other day."

No! I've never mentioned it before! How can you lie to my face like this! How can you lie to a delivery man like this!

She spoke not just to me, but the armed man next to her as well. "We were having a drink together last week, the day before we went to gather herbs, and you confessed to me. Said this was your secret place."

THAT'S A LIE!

I've lost count of what words I've said aloud and which I only thought.

AhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I've never been drinking with Auizia. Never never never! I've only ever been foraging with her! I've never… I've never even seen her in town outside of those days. I try to picture her family, but I can't remember meeting them. Why haven't we hung out outside of work? She just… didn't want to be friends. That's normal. That's fine. But why would she sell me out?

My head hurts. I sink to the ground and grasp at it.

I've never been drinking with Auizia. No matter how much I repeat it to myself and think, I can't remember a time like that.

Auizia reaches into her pocket. My vision flashes dark in and out. Are these my hands in front of my face—I can't even tell. Her hand goes deeper and deeper in and I continue to drown from where I stand. And she…

Pulls out an aluminum crane.

Huh?

"You gave this to me that night. Why are you denying it?"

I open my mouth to say that I'm not but find I can't speak. I never gave her a crane. Who is this person. This can't be Auizia.

"You're under arrest." The delivery man approaches. That man in his mask looks like he's laughing at me.

I slide backwards and try to escape. Instincts take over the same as with the bear. But I'm not fast enough. As I run my arm is pulled backwards and pain assaults my head which had finally healed from the beating last week.

Crashing to the ground, my vision darkens even further. Swirling enemies surround me from all sides. This time there's blood dripping out from my skull. I feel sick. Maybe they killed me. Elyna… Please… Tease me and tell me it just is what it is. My fingers claw at the ground until my nails crack and chip.

That woman is still staring at me. Who is she.

"Did you…" I need to ask her before I pass out, before I'm dragged away. "Push…"

"Goodbye, Solen."