Marvel

How did it all come to this?

Where did it all go downhill?

I’ve lost everything. My friends, my relatives, my chance to go to college… all because I made a few bad decisions and gave into something as stupid as addiction.

If only I wasn’t so lazy. If only I faced my problems instead of running from them. If only I worked hard.

If only… I could go back in time and change things.

Lying down on the grassy fields near my neighborhood, I am awash with regret. What if I had done this instead? If only I hadn’t made that mistake. Such thoughts… ultimately, they’re pointless.

All this agonizing over past mistakes won't erase them. I’ve still made those mistakes at the end of the day. They’re etched into my history, permanent, defining who I am. And even now, lying down like this, I’m just running away from my problems, from the entire world.

I sigh, bringing my right forearm to rest on my forehead. I close my eyes as I begin to make a wish from the very bottom of my heart.

“God. If you do exist, if you’re truly out there. Then please. I beg of you. Give me a chance. One more chance to make everything right. Let me go back in time and fix everything. Please.”

A bitter, hollow laugh escaped me the moment I made the wish. How pathetic. As if such a thing could ever happen. What is this, some cheap animanga where protagonists get do-overs? The very idea was a cruel joke, a taunt whispered by the last dying ember of hope I swore I’d extinguished long ago. There’s no way that could ever happen. I’ve made my bed with every terrible choice, and action and now I am condemned to lie in its cold hard discomfort. If a miracle like that were possible, if we could just rewind the clock and erase our deepest regrets, the entire world wouldn't be the scarred, broken place it was. If only…

“Hey! Wake up!”

A familiar voice pierces through the thoughts in mind. One of a woman.

“Didn’t you hear me? I said wake up.”

This voice… where have I heard it before? Ah- its probably addressing someone else. Besides, I’m too tired to even consider dealing with whatever fresh hell might be brewing. I just want to sink into quiet oblivion for now.

“Hey Yamato. Go wake him up for me will you?”

Yamato? That name seems strangely familiar yet I cant seem to remember where its from.

I nuzzle against my arms as I rest my head on them to try to sleep… hold on. Was I in sleeping such a position before? This… am I… sitting on a chair? Wait. There’s absolutely no way I wouldn’t notice such a thing. I’m not that dense!

“Hey. Sora, come on wake up. You’re going to make the miss angry.”

Another familiar voice. This time a male. That’s when I feel someone patting my side.

“Sora. Wake up, will you? You’re disturbing the class at this rate.”

He then grabs the back of my shirt and starts shaking me where I’m sitting.

Unable to take this anymore my eyes flew open, a snarl already forming as I slapped his hands away and sprung to my feet.

“I’m up alright?! I’m up dammit!”

Aoyama Yamato froze, eyes wide with a shock that rippled through the stunned silence of the entire classroom. The entire… classroom?

I look around slowly to take in the startled gazes of my classmates, the teacher and the classroom in general. There’s no way this can be real right? From the classroom and the way that some of my classmates who had transferred out are still here, it seems that this is the first year of my high school.

That’s when I suddenly hear footsteps and a hand grabbing my collar. “Sora. Out of the class. Now.” The cold commanding voice of my chemistry teacher Fujiwara Teru echoes through the silent room.

She then drags me out of the classroom and shoves me against the wall opposite the door. “I want you to stay here for the rest of the class and once we’re done, you’re going to write an apology letter to me for this behavior.”

With that, she enters the classroom and shuts the door right in front of me as she resumes teaching the class.

As for me, I’m just standing there, stunned, my mind a chaotic whirl. What in the world is going on? Barely five minutes ago, I was lying on a grassy field and I close my eyes only to suddenly find myself back in a classroom from three years ago surrounded by people I thought I’d never meet again.

Wait, if I did get transported back in time then… does that mean this is a chance to fix my life? To change everything to how it should be? No way, did God actually hear my wish?

I can’t help but join my hands with a wide grin on my face as I mentally thank God for this miracle.

“I’m not going to waste this chance I’ve been given. I swear. I’ll make everything right.” I vow to myself.

Now then, my first step… is to find out today’s date and figure out exactly what part of my school life this is. I walk over to the classroom ventilation window and peek inside to check the digital clock on the wall.

The date reads 14 August 202X…. That’s nice to know… except for the fact that I’ve got absolutely NO idea which part of my school life that is. Is this after my exams or before? If its before my exams I might be in trouble. And if its after then I fear the countdown to my downfall might have already begun. Now, if only I had the school calendar I coul-

“Sora? Hi.” That breathless voice… that cheery brightness in it, a personality and a presence that could light up any one’s day… It was a presence, a personality, that could effortlessly illuminate the dimmest corners of anyone’s day, and it hit me with the force of a physical blow. I spun around, my heart lurching in my chest. There she stood, Tachibana Himawari, framed by the sunlit corridor. Her face, still as captivating as the day I’d last seen it, was softened by a genuine, open smile. Her cheeks, delicately flushed, reminded me of the tenderest petals of a flower, or perhaps, the softest down of a fledgling bird. She was the girl I once had a crush on. No, it would be more accurate to say that she’s the girl I was in love with… before I ruined it all with my own hands.

I thought I’d never be able to hear that sweet voice again. The one that brightened up my days. To think that I get the chance to listen to it again… this truly is such a miracle.

“Eh? Sora are you crying?”

The question startled me, pulling me sharply back to reality. My fingertips flew to my cheeks, finding them undeniably wet. Unbidden tears had traced warm paths down my skin, a testament to the raw emotion her presence had unearthed. I whipped my face away, scrubbing furiously at my eyes with my right hand while my left instinctively shot up, a flimsy shield between us. “N-No! It’s nothing like that!” I stammered, forcing a laugh that sounded more like a choke as I turned back, trying to compose myself.

My gaze darted around, anywhere but directly at her. “I... uh... anyways what are you doing here?” The abrupt topic change was clumsy, but I desperately needed to re-anchor myself.

“Well, it’s a study hour for us so I was just heading to the library. What about you?” She tilted her head, her bright eyes peeking into my classroom. “This is your class, isn’t it? Why aren’t you going inside?”

“Oh... well, I kinda… fell asleep in the middle of the class and when Yamato, uh… one of my friends,” at least for now, “tried to wake me up I accidentally… might have… shouted?” My voice dwindled to a mortified whisper, the memory of my outburst burning my cheeks.

Then comes the sound I hadn’t realized I was aching for: her giggle. It was bright and uninhibited, a cascade of pure joy that instantly dissolved the heavy cloud of my embarrassment. “Sora,” she said, her eyes sparkling, “I knew it. You definitely are weird.”

I blush slightly at her words before replying, “Well, what can I say? I guess I’m one of a kind.” To which she giggles some more.

Just then remembering my earlier plight I quickly ask her. “By the way, Himawari, do you have an academic planner with you?”

“Yeah. Its in my bag. Why though?” Her brow furrowed slightly, a hint of curiosity in her beautiful eyes.

“Could you please get it for me? Like ASAP? I need it urgently.” My voice was laced with a desperation I couldn't hide. I even bowed my head, my hands clasped together in a pleading gesture, my gaze fixed on her.

She blinked, a faint smile playing on her lips. “Is it seriously that urgent?”

“Uh... yes, it is. So please.”

She studied me for a long moment, her eyes sparkling with an unreadable amusement, before her smile widened, bright and genuine. "Okay! Just wait here. I'll be right back." With a burst of energy, she turned and sprinted down the hallway towards her classroom, her ponytail bouncing with each stride.

I take this moment to slump back against the wall to calm my racing heart. I… I actually managed to talk to her… to see her again after all this time. At this rate I might as well be the happiest man in the world. Getting the chance… to go back in time and experience all of this. God truly must exist. Either that or its some quantum physics thing where I willed my consciousness so hard, I was sent back through space and time to observe the world again or something.

“Sora-kuuun. Here.” Her melodic voice cuts through my reverie once more as she appears beside me holding out an academic planner, her cheeks slightly flushed from her run.

“That was fast.” I comment as I reach over for the planner. “Thanks Tachibana-san.” My fingers brushed hers as I tried to take the planner, but she held on, a playful pout on her lips.

“Sora,” she chided softly, her grip firm. “Didn’t I tell you yesterday to call me Himawari? It doesn’t seem right for only me to use your first name you know?”

“Ah- but wouldn’t that be-“ I stopped myself, the old, ingrained habits of formality almost slipping out. Before, I would have politely refused, citing respect. That rigid adherence to 'proper' conduct, that fear of being too familiar, had been one of the many tiny wedges that had driven us apart, leading to a distance where even she eventually started addressing me by my last name. No. Not this time. I wouldn't let that happen again. Besides, if she felt comfortable enough to ask me, who was I to refuse? It meant she trusted me, and I wouldn't dishonor that trust. Even if it felt a little… bold.

“Alright. Fine. Himawari.” I concede. Her face instantly lit up, a blindingly bright smile that made my chest ache with a forgotten warmth. She finally released the planner.

“There we go.” She leans in with a childish grin, her elbow gently poking my side. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

“Yeah. I suppose it wasn’t.” I answered, my mind already racing as I opened the academic planner, its pages crisp and new. I quickly perused the dates, my gaze landing on today's entry. So, it was after my first unit test, but still a full month before my first term exams. That means I still have time to prepare. I heave a sigh of relief.

Meanwhile Tachiba- no, Himawari looks over my shoulder, her scent, a faint mix of something floral and faintly sweet, filling my senses. “What are you looking at?”

“Oh- I’m just checking how far away the first term exams are. That’s all.”

“Oh…” she murmured, a teasing glint in her eyes. “Sora could it be… you’re actually quite studious?”

“No, I’m not. If I was then I would have had the need to regret my life and then end up magically regressing in the first place.” I think to myself even as I laugh nervously. “Well, not as much as you I suppose. You’re a full straight As student, aren’t you?”

“And just where did you hear that from?” she challenged, a playful suspicion in her tone.

“Oh its no big deal. I just know.” I smirk

“Wow Sora, you’re trying so hard to be mysterious, aren’t you?” she teased, poking my arm again. I scowled good-naturedly.

“But you’re more of a troublemaker, aren’t you? Even yesterday when you were leading us to the pizzeria you kept disappearing ahead of us on the road just to make us panic didn’t you?” She took a step closer, her bright eyes fixed on mine, a captivating blend of accusation and amusement.

I felt a blush creep up my neck, and I quickly averted my gaze, clearing my throat. “Well, I couldn’t help it you know? I tend to be quite a prankster.” Wait hold on. Did she just say we went to a pizzeria yesterday? Hold on, that means that its only been a day we since we met.

Long story short, the coordinator of my club asked me to accompany a group to visit a sponsor company. And after our visit we all decided to go grab some pizza to which I led the way. Then on the way back, everyone else left through their own means while I walked her towards her bus stop. During that walk we talked and just… clicked. We even had a moment where we chased after her bus together and I helped her get on and sent her off like something straight of a movie or a drama series. That night, I'd fallen asleep with a warmth in my chest I hadn't felt in years. That night, I'd fallen in love.

“You there? Sora?!” Himawari's hand waved impatiently in front of my face, pulling me from my daze yet again. “Gosh, you seem to get lost in your thoughts a lot, don’t you?”

“Ah-sorry about that. What were you saying?”

“I was saying that I’m going to the library now if that’s okay with you.”

“Uh-yeah sure. Thanks Himawari.” I handed her back the academic planner, a sense of lightness in my step. “You’ve really helped me a lot. If there’s any way I can pay you back or any time you need help don’t hesitate to ask, okay?”

“Really? All I did was hand you an academic planner…” She paused, a thoughtful finger tapping her chin, then a mischievous glint returned to her eyes. “But if you want to then fine. Be prepared to helping me okay Sora? Bye.” With a final, radiant smile, she turned and continued her journey down the hall, a joyful skip in her step.

“Yeah. Bye.”

I watch her leave with a giddy feeling in my chest before turning my attention back to the matters at hand. Now that I know where I seem to be in life, it meant I could finally start plotting my next moves, not just blindly reacting to the chaos around me. But before any of that glorious strategizing could begin, there was the humiliating reality of waiting out Mrs. Fujiwara's class and then, writing a stilted, utterly insincere apology letter to her, detailing my 'disruptive behavior' during her class. Ugh.