Chapter 14:

Confession

THE Paranormal Research Club

“Is she going to be ok?”

“Maple, I… don’t know. You should try to get some rest. I’ll let you know in the morning,” my aunt said.

It was late at night in my bedroom. Nicole, my aunt, had been taking care of me for the past month after Mom was hospitalized. I didn’t know the full details, only that it was some sort of autoimmune disease. Every week, we would visit her, praying that she would recover. But it seemed to have only worsened as she was placed in the ICU.

I vividly remember the first visit there and how horrific it was. In that room, there were people possibly on their deathbeds, and Mom was among them. She was so weak, she couldn’t speak anymore, almost as if she were mute. Even her muscles had deteriorated to the point where she had to do hand dexterity exercises with the nurses.

Today was going to be a typical visit, only for it to spiral out of control, with the staff having to remove us from the room due to a complication with Mom. Now back home in my room, sleep seemed impossible.

“Goodnight, Maple,” Nicole whispered before closing the door behind her. I continued to stay up, using my phone to browse funny things in an attempt to lift my mood. And yet, the tears kept on coming.

The next morning, I learned from Nicole that Mom had passed away.

* * *

Friends and family from all over the country came to pay their respects at the wake, including some family I hadn’t seen for years, ever since Dad’s divorce. For them to never show up at gatherings until now made me believe they were freeloaders, only in it for food. It was sickening to say the least.

Instead of a traditional funeral service, Mom was cremated, her ashes stored in a vase on the fireplace mantle. For a while, we left it as such. That was, until I started experiencing a recurring dream featuring Mom and me. The exact words eluded me, but from what I recalled, she spoke about how it was time to move on.

I knew it could mean only one thing.

Under the bright moonlight, we scattered her ashes in a nearby lake.

It was heart-wrenching to say goodbye to her. I wanted to stop midway, but Nicole talked me out of it. From then on, I was merely living in the moment, surviving, but nothing more. My friends at school soon left me. I couldn’t blame them. After all, who would want to hang around with a loser like me? Heck, it was a miracle that I wasn’t kicked off the track team, given my dwindling performance on the field and in the classroom.

As my grades continued to slip, I started skipping school altogether, thinking that there was no point to anything, but Nicole refused to let me waste away.

“You have to stop skipping school, or there’s going to be problems with the state,” Nicole said while we were eating dinner. “You have to try and live again. It’s what your mother would have wanted.”

“How would you know?” She was starting to get on my nerves with how she spoke on Mom’s behalf.

“Because I’ve seen her at her lowest. You were only a baby, but when Anna first had you, she suffered postpartum depression. Like you, she too felt like nothing mattered anymore. And yet, through counseling and the support of friends and family, Anna was able to overcome it. If there’s one woman who knows to never give up, then it’s your mother. So please, Maple, try and hang in there, alright? It’s never going to be easy, but you have to keep trying.”

I felt like throwing my plate at her and running away. Deep down, however, I knew she was right. Sooner or later, I had to toughen up.

“Even if I do, it’s not going to make all the pain go away,” I replied.

“That’s true, but it can make it less painful. I’m not expecting you to fully move on like nothing happened… Have you heard of ‘faking it ‘till you make it’? You might want to try that…”

Under Nicole’s guidance, I managed to recover some semblance of control in my life. I was no longer skipping school. My grades and track performance also rebounded. Only, I still had no friends left. It was then, during my junior year, that I met three students: Kevin, Nick, and Samantha. They were a ragtag bunch that I ended up becoming friends with by chance.

Yet, despite all the work I had done, something was off. I was pushing myself beyond my limits. It wasn’t sustainable, and I soon relapsed and fell back into a depression. Pathetically, I was more worried about people’s impressions of me than I was about fixing my life again, so I made it a conscious effort to hide my true emotions behind a smile.

At the start of my senior year, I quit everything and became a bum who did nothing but head home every day. My friends would occasionally invite me to go out, and while I would accept, I never was “present”. It didn’t matter, though, as they never caught on.

For a while, my life was nothing but sleeping, eating, and attending school.

Then it all changed with a certain girl.

Her name was Paige. She was shy and a bit of a dork, and while we rarely talked, there was something about her that intrigued me. Every now and then, she would write in her journal about a haunted house she was investigating. That… and she was cute. So much so, that it warmed my heart—something I hadn’t felt for years.

The idea I had was stupid, borderline deceitful. And yet, I went with it…

I wondered: by joining her investigation, was it possible to see Mom again? To be able to talk to her or maybe even see her as a ghost? I hated myself for even entertaining it, but I was desperate. I didn’t care what it would cost me, only that I wanted Mom, no, needed her. Paige could have been the key I needed. And so I went on, trailing behind her after school like a stalker.

When I arrived, I figured that it was best to put on the “charm” offensive to win her trust. Hiding behind a mask of smiles and laughter, I attempted to ease any suspicions she had, but it seemed to have only made her react awkwardly. Casting aside my doubts, I pressed on and went along with her investigation.

It was only a matter of time before I could ask her to help me with Mom. But as I spent more and more time with her, my feelings radically changed. The sensation in my heart was all the confirmation I needed…

* * *

Paige and I were still sitting together on the Ferris wheel. I had just finished explaining everything to her.

“Do you hate me?” I asked.

She stared at me for a while, then cleared her throat.

“No… I love you.”

“Paige?” Was I dreaming? Did she really just say that? It had to be a mistake. But… Her face. She was sincere, no doubt.

“My whole life, I never had feelings for anyone. I guess I’ve always been clueless when it comes to love. Maybe even something different altogether. But as much of a hopeless romantic I am, even I learned to come to terms with what I’ve felt,” Paige continued. “Maybe it’s too early and maybe it’s a slippery slope. But if you need someone that you can spill your guts out to, then I don’t mind being that person.”

“Why are you forgiving me so easily?”

“Because I get where you’re coming from and why you did what you did. I’m not going to hold it against you.”

We were both blushing.

I didn’t understand her.

Yet…

I had to say it, here and now.

“I love you too.”

She smiled back.

“If it’s ok, can I do it?”

She nodded.

I went in and kissed her on the cheek…

“M—Maple! I thought you meant a hug!”