Chapter 21: Burdened Shoulders

Sachi stood at the doorway. "Onii-chan. What’s up?"

"Can I come in? I’d like to talk."

She gave me a look, then stepped aside to let me in.

I looked around and cringed at the printouts of her favourite J-pop idols. The room was neat, orange and pink throughout.

Sachi dropped into her chair. "What is it?"

I settled onto her bed, which earned me a wrinkled nose. "I hope you showered."

"I did. Anyway. How are you doing?"

"Fine. As usual. Dealing with my stupid onii-chan and Obon practice. Oh, the demands on me." She fanned herself dramatically with a handheld fan.

Then she glanced at me. "How about you, onii-chan?"

"I’m fine now, I think. Ken— uh. Yeah."

This was harder than I expected.

"Kenji? What’s going on with him?"

"Nothing! He’s just… juggling a lot right now."

Sachi knew immediately what I meant. She always did.

"And whose fault is that?"

I looked at her a little sheepishly. "Mine. But half of it is yours too, Sachi-chan."

Her eyes sharpened.

"Oh? Enlighten me."

"You know what I mean. You’re a lot smarter than I am about these things."

"I know." She huffed. "I just want to make sure you understand what you’re saying. So. Tell me. What role am I playing in all of this?"

Sorry, Kenji. I’ll have to be honest with her.

"Kenji told me some things earlier. About how my absence affected you."

Sachi held her head level. "Go on."

"You were close with Yuki-chan. But things changed after I left. And I think it’s because of me."

She folded her arms and crossed her legs.

I should have brought a chocolate bar.

"Sachi-chan." I lowered my head at her. "Thank you."

"Eh?" She hadn’t expected that.

"Thank you for not giving up on me. That voice message telling me to come back. The regret you carried. Your quarrels with Kenji and Yuki-chan. All of it — it was because you never let go of me. Even when I’d let go of myself."

Sachi didn’t say anything for a moment. "Tch. Don’t flatter yourself. I was just bored."

"I haven’t been a good role model. Honestly, you’re more of one than I am. Kenji and I both learn from you."

Sachi started fidgeting on her chair. “Can’t help it that I’m smarter than the two of you combined.”

Still a sucker for a compliment.

"You grew up faster than you should have had to. But things are different now, Sachi-chan. I’m back. You don’t have to hold everything together alone."

I moved closer.

"Let me be your onii-chan again. I’ll clean up the mess I made. You just go back to annoying everyone like you used to."

She pulled a petulant face.

"It’s not your fault I went to Sendai."

"I know."

I reached out and took her hand.

"No. You don’t. That anger — it’s not really aimed at Kenji or Yuki-chan, is it? It’s aimed at yourself."

A pause. Before I continued. "Kenji told me. You blame yourself for how things turned out. Now that I’m here, I can see it."

"What do you see?" She glanced at me warily.

"All the weight you put on your own shoulders, Sachi-chan… The responsibilities that aren’t yours to carry."

"Someone has to do something, onii-chan. Otherwise… otherwise…"

"Someone gets hurt again?"

Silence.

"It’s not your job to fix things for them. Fix them alongside them." I squeezed her hand.

"I’ll think about it." Her voice wavered.

"Not good enough. Thinking isn’t your strong suit." I said it gently.

"Says the idiot who wouldn’t notice someone likes him if she stood right in front of him."

I raised an eyebrow. That was a very specific insult.

"Oh? Is the little bunny baring her fangs?"

"You nearly sounded cool just now, onii-chan. And then you didn’t." She sighed heavily.

"You can’t deny it’s an improvement." I grinned.

"Arguable."

"Sachi-chan. What if I got you some chocolate milk?"

"In return for what?" She eyed me immediately.

"Nothing. I just want to see you happy again. You, Kenji, and Yuki-chan." The implication was obvious.

After a pause, Sachi replied, "Three people. You can’t fix three people with just one carton of chocolate milk, onii-chan."

You little mink.

"Three cartons. All for you. Deal?"

Sachi pretended to consider it.

"Actually… I think you’re running out of time, onii-chan. Make it four cartons, and I’ll throw in a secret."

"What do you mean, running out of time?"

"Obon is in two days. You leave the morning after."

"I’ve sorted things out with Yuki-chan. You’re just holding out for more cartons to deal with whatever’s left between you, Kenji and her."

"…There’s one more issue." Her voice dropped.

"What is it?"

"Four. Cartons." She extended her pinky. "Pinky promise."

I stare at her. She wasn’t joking.

"Fine. Four. No more." I hooked my pinky around hers.

A smile crept onto her lips.

"So. What do you think the remaining issue is, onii-chan?"

"You."

That response earned me a well-deserved smack on the arm.

"Try again."

I stared at her. She was playful, but she wasn’t joking. “If it’s not you, Kenji or Yuki-chan… Shimizu-san? Mum? Dad?”

Sachi grabbed at invisible straws in the air.

"I’ll give you one hint. One. After that I give up. So be serious."

"I am serious about this, Sachi-chan!" I had invested an extra carton of chocolate milk into this.

"The hint is: dango."

Boom.

It played back instantly. The fireworks. The sweet, chewy texture of it between my teeth.

The small hand clasped firmly around mine.

Hana-chan.

My lips parted. My eyes went wide.

Sachi caught it. "Bingo, onii-chan."