Dumb, Dumb, and Dumber

My homeland where I currently reside is Hellheim, the realm of demons. The base I’m working for is located in Fenrich, one of the four gate towns for entering the capital city of Hellheim. Please note that Fenrich is a nice, cozy, and quiet frontier. Rarely anything happens here, so could someone please tell me-

“Why Is The Queen Here Right Now!”

I found myself running down the halls, in order to reach the throne room where our lady was seated. Before you ask, our lady has a throne room or throne set in each town. I don’t know why she just does, maybe that’s how she got here so fast! I hope she isn’t mad, I’ve seen half the stuff that happens when she gets angry. I don’t wanna be used for skull bowling! I better rush over before-

“Gack!”

“Oof!”

As I turned the corner and got closer to the throne room entrance, I ended up crashing into someone.

“Sorry about that, I was in a hurry!”

“Hurry my bum! You better get on your knees and beg you-!”

I opened my eyes after hearing that cruel response to my honest apology, in front of me was the one person I didn’t want to see. Why did this guy have to be here?

“Well well well, if it isn’t everyone’s favorite loser!”

“Yeah yeah whatever you say Numb. Anyway I got to go, and the apology is now rescinded.”

I tried walking away, but before I could make it my path was blocked. Of course his cronies would be here too!

“Hey where do you think you’re going, the boss is talking to you!”

“Yeah, the boss is… Uh, what was the boss doing again?”

“Dang it Dumb! You’re making me look bad, and you! What the heck do you mean by apology rescinded! This is exactly why I hate you, Skull!”

Yep, there’s that name again, “Skull”. Here in the military, we leave our old names behind and the queen grants us new ones. Rather, those who prove themselves worthy are granted new names. Low ranking grunts like me are given pet names, in my case I’m Skull. Better that than Numb if you ask me.

“Hey! You just thought my name was stupid didn’t you!”

“Huh? How’d you know?”

“Alright that’s it! Guys gather up!”

Great their gonna do that again, I better get outta here before-

“Alright guys, just like we rehearsed from the top!”

“You got it boss! I might be weak and scrawny, but my mind is powerful! I am Lumb!”

“Uh…I might be stupid, but I-Oh right, I have big gains! I am Dumb!”

“The head of this horse, the leader who will one day echo through the halls of Fenrich! I am Numb!”

“”“And together we’re the Numbskulls!!!”””

“...”

I have nothing to say, this is too cringe. If I had eyes, I would’ve ripped them out of my skull. If I had guts, I would’ve puked them out. Let me get outta here, I can’t take this anymore.

“What’s wrong, jealous of our dedication!”

“Please leave me alone Numb, you’re so embarrassing that just being around you embarasses me too!”

“Ha, what would you know about art!”

Numb and his cronies began laughing, at that moment I bolted down the corridor. However, before I could go any further, Numb and his goons stopped me.

“And where do you think you’re going?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“Now see that’s why I hate you, you don’t recognize authority, or ambition. Listen up you maggot, one day I’ll be chosen as M’lady’s champion. When that day comes, you’ll be answering to my orders. Got It!”

“M’lady, if you mean the queen I actually have to go meet with her right now.”

“...huh?”

Numb looked as if his bones were about to hit the floor, just like before I aimed to move past him. Sadly, yet again the idiot began to block my path.

“How dare you lie to me!”

“Come again?”

“There’s no way her majesty would want to see a loser like you, there’s got to be some mistake. You’re lying aren’t you!”

“Listen Numb, I have some important business so unless you want to get in trouble you should let me-”

Before I could walk past Numb, Lumb ran behind me and grabbed me. Before I knew it I was in a submission hold, Numb was cackling as he walked over to me.

“Heh! Serves you right, loser! Maybe a couple of cracks would do you some good!”

Numb raised his fist to strike me, just then a loud sound of something being slammed came right from next to me. The three idiots turned their heads to the sound and froze instantly, I turned my head to see the commotion. That’s when I realized why they froze, the sound I heard came from the throne room which was right next to us. Wasn’t the bathroom there before? Why is-

“Ahem!”

I turned to where the voice came from, only to see a very angry suit of armor. Uh oh! Captain Burgs looks upset, but wh…

…oh no! I turned my gaze, to see what looked like a twelve year old girl sitting on a throne. She wore a black dress with purple stripes, her hair was a soft red color, her eyes were purple and striking. However what terrified me most was the smile on her face. I didn’t even try to answer, I simply waited for my executioner to sound her call. Soon words came from her mouth, their cheerfulness betraying the anger on her face.