An Unexpected Union

In Mr. Aizawa’s office sat Ren’s aunt, Ms. Fumiko Masamura and Yuriko’s father, Mr. Akifumi Taichi, flanked on either side by their correspondent child as they both apologized profusely to Mr. Aizawa. Ren and Yuriko each stared at opposite walls, remaining silent.

“And I swear, Mr. Aizawa. This will never happen again.” Fumiko said.

“Agreed! I take full responsibility for instilling these lecherous ways into my daughter through my own poor example, but that ends today!” Akifumi said.

BONK

In a flash Yuriko pounded the back of her father’s head, causing him to cry out as a large knot formed atop his crown.

“Seriously, Dad? You can’t have a little more faith in your daughter’s virtue than that?” Yuriko growled.

“I can’t let you take all the responsibility, Mr. Taichi. It’s been so hard for me to discipline Ren myself, lately.” Fumiko said.

“Whatever.” Ren said in annoyance.

“Enough! You two wait outside while we discuss your punishment.” Mr. Aizawa said sternly.

Yuriko bowed quickly.

“Yes, Sir!”

Standing with a sigh, Ren followed her out of the room muttering: “Yeah, yeah.”

As they left, a secretary poked her head in through the door.

“Mr. Aizawa, can I borrow you for a moment?”

“Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“I’m sorry, Sir. It’s important.”

Sighing, Mr. Aizawa stood, excusing himself as he left the room.

Mr. Taichi and Ms. Masamura sat in awkward silence as the seconds on the clock ticked by.

“I really am sorry for causing you such trouble. Your daughter must be terribly embarrassed.” Fumiko said.

“Oh, no worries. We’ve got enough on our plates as it is. I’m sure you know how it is being a single parent: Unemployment, unpaid back rent, messy household. At least I’ve got a girl to help out with the cooking and cleaning, you must have to do everything yourself.” Akifumi said.

“Oh, well, no. Actually, I guess you could say we’re quite wealthy.” Fumiko said.

Falling over in surprise, Akifumi quickly recovered, clearing his throat with a blush.

“While it’s true, I guess you could call me a single parent, Ren and I have a rather large house and quite enough money to live on.” Fumiko said.

Falling over in surprise, Akifumi quickly recovered, clearing his throat with a blush.

“We even have a butler, so the cooking and cleaning are all taken care of. I never would do this type of thing, but I guess you could say I could sit around drinking and playing pachinko all day if I wanted to.” Fumiko said.

Falling over in surprise, Akifumi quickly recovered, clearing his throat with a blush.

“What am I saying? These rich snobs have money out the wazoo, I should be taking them for a ride! I mean, Yuriko’s the girl in this situation. Her modesty and reputation, nay, her virtue have all been called into question and tarnished! We deserve untold compensation for our emotional turmoil.”

But before he could say anything a clamor came from the office lobby.

“Would you just cut it out! You’re so insufferable!” Yuriko called.

“Well, sor-ry princess! I’m not the one who goes around ripping people’s clothes off!” Ren exclaimed.

“That was an accident, you perv! You’re the one who was spying on us!” Yuriko said.

“I wasn’t spying! I was trying to protect you from those delinquents!” Ren said.

“Oh, sure. A likely story.” Yuriko said.

Akifumi and Fumiko began to chuckle.

“They almost sound like an old married couple.” He said.

“I agree. It’s quite endearing to see a girl take such a brazen stance with my Ren. He’s such a boisterous lad, I was afraid he’d scare off any girl that came his way, but your Yuriko seems quite adamant about putting him in his place.” Fumiko said.

“You’re telling me. Yuriko’s been so busy playing Mother at our house I think this is the first time I’ve heard her sound like an actual high school girl since her mother passed. It would be nice if she could start dating a boy that has the effect on her that your Ren has. I’d probably marry them off to each other immediately” Akifumi laughed.

“Crap. What am I saying? If I start playing nice with these people now, we’ll never win out in court!”

“Say, Mr. Taichi. Do you mean that when you say you’d marry your daughter off to someone? At her age?” Fumiko asked.

Akifumi blanched.

“Well, I mean I don’t want to give you the wrong idea or anything. I just mean such a union would have my blessing because of how good it would be for Yuriko. I wouldn’t expect them to run off and start a family right this minute or anything, but maybe a betrothal would work. Why do you ask?”

Crap, crap. Shut up, you idiot. You’re blowing this!

“No, I agree. I often think we’ve become a little too progressive as a society. Thing’s were a lot simpler back when parents arranged marriages for their children.” Fumiko began.

Wait. Jackpot!

“Why, that’s a marvelous idea!” Akifumi exclaimed.

Fumiko blinked.

“I’m sorry, what do you mean?”

“Oh, ho-ho don’t play so coy my dear. This was your idea after all.” Akifumi said.

“I’m afraid I don’t quite-”

“Your Ren. My Yuriko. We should betroth them!” Akifumi said.

“What!? Mr. Taichi, you can’t be serious.” Fumiko said.

Crap, come on. Sell it.

Akifumi leaped from his chair. Draping an arm around Fumiko’s shoulders he used the other to gesture widely in the air as though he were showing her some wonderful, imagined scene.

“Just picture it Ms. Masamura, or should I call you Fumiko? Your Ren has been quite the handful it seems. You need someone who can lay down the law and put him in his place, so who better than my darling little spitfire, Yuriko? Meanwhile Yuriko’s already a housewife in waiting, all she needs is a man to keep her preoccupied and who better than one who has a house that takes care of itself? That way she can spend all of her free time devoted to your Renpon!” Akifumi said.

Fumiko stared down at her hands pensively.

“Well, I suppose you do make a compelling argument.”

“Of course I do, its common sense, my dear. Trust me!” Akifumi said.

*****

Ren and Yuriko stood arguing with each other in the office lobby when suddenly the door to Mr. Aizawa’s office slid open unexpectedly, interrupting them both as they turned and saw Fumiko and Akifumi standing in the doorway smiling at the two of them.

“Hello, children!” Akifumi called jovially.

Yuriko’s eyes narrowed at her father’s expression.

“Dad, you’ve got that look in your eyes like you’ve got another one of your stupid ideas.” Yuriko said.

“Renpon, I’ve got such a wonderful surprise for you.” Fumiko said.

“Um, Fumiko-sama, what?” Ren began.

Looking at each other, Fumiko and Akifumi giggled before turning to Ren and Yuriko and announcing in unison:

“You two are getting betrothed!”

There was a moment of pause before the room erupted.

“WHAT!?”