CRYBOY

I want more reasons to be awake. I want to stop dreaming, but to be where I’m dreaming with open eyes. In my sleep—life is so much better. I desire so much for those nightly hallucinations to be my reality. When there’s a day—like this one, it doesn’t take much for me to spiral. It festers and builds, and I’d rather close my eyes and cover my ears than to hear and see.

I have a life, love, the things I want to do, and everything I want to see. The connection I have with someone warms my heart. But it’s not real. I beat the alarm again. I don’t want to hear the rigorous ring. If I hear it, I’d rather stay in. Hallucinate. Fantasize. Dream of nothing that’s real, but I want it to be so painstakingly genuine.

I desire to be awake, give me reasons to be awake. I feel when I am asleep, and it hurts twice as much when I’m up. Do I sleep forever and feel light and love-nonexisting, or stay awake and see gray and the mundane actuality? I can’t have both. I don’t want both.

It pulls at me like a silky red ribbon on a beautiful present filled with possible joy.

———————

Three years ago.

The cool glass of the refrigerator door housed an array of different soda brands. Red’s reflection caught in the cold frame—loose button up, blue tie, and slacks with combed over hair, and a crumpled up check signed to his name.

I need to choose something.

The cold vents above the glass cooler breathed air against his hot skin, the summers were long and humid, and Red had to make a decision—the beverage of choice. Paradiso, it is. A combination of unsweetened iced tea and strawberry lemonade in a colorful plastic bottle—a pink sky with rays of sunshine, bliss in a sip.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, sliding it out, he saw a text notification from: YO BIG SIS

YO BIG SIS: hey have a gd day! ur gonna kill it there and dont buy cigarettes!! puke emoji.

I can’t tell her. Not yet, anyway. Yui’s probably getting ready for work. The day just started and I was fired from my job, it’s not even lunch yet.

Red replied in text, “i bought 100 packs with ur muney. thx.”

YO BIG SIS: u better not.

Red slid the phone back in his pocket, grabbed Paradiso from the fridge and made his way through aisles of snacks and magazines, over to the counter top where an old man tapped his pipe against the counter, ash falling. The old store-keeper hunched over the counter with his frail elbows pressed over it. His posture rolled like a hill. The brim of his baseball cap covered his eyes. His shirt read Sexy in bright turqoise letters, contrasting the dark base.

“Just this.”

“Twelve-seventy-two.”

The fragrance of incense lingered. A small shrine sat on the shelf, behind the front counter. The smoke rose along the shelf and slithered around a sitting buddha statue carved in wood.

Red paid for it.

A chime over Red’s head rang as he left through the sliding glass. The corner store existed in New Haewol District, in the residential neighborhood of Seok. Red had the day to himself, no one would bother him, and to go home now—the commute would be nearly two and a half hours by Rapid Transport. The rail would take him through parts of New Haewol and Arattani before reaching Hlum Lang. Might as well cash this check in and explore town, I’ll leave at the usual time. Red, normally, clocked out of work at six—no time to explore or spend time with colleagues, not that they’d ever invite me—he always headed straight home.

Happy Pig, the company sounded like his first legit job in the big city, a proper nine to five in an office with cubicles—the dream. Happy Pig, was a “marketing agency” that specialized in holo-ads (rarely seen in Hlum Lang), Quickgram management, and website design. They were all about positive vibes and creating vibrant advertisements and websites to draw people in—many of their ads were all over Hlum Lang in the form of digitized ads that appeared at gas stations and convenience stores.

Red remembered the first day he started, his sister travelled with him all the way to New Haewol, despite his reservations—she was so happy for me. She did decide explore New Haewol, who wouldn’t—it’s super nice here. Way better than our dump in the lower pits, here it felt like the sun kissed you, and fluppin' good coffee at every corner! Though Red never indulged in the illustrious cafes here, out of his budget, he opted for the same corner store.

It’s all over now—dang, I hated the job, but at least it paid well. I was only getting started! Not even a week into the month and I’m out.

Red clutched his chest, but dropped his hand, and took a long breath. The air was fresher here. He found himself at a nearby park bench and watched shadows of tree leaves dancing along the ground.

I’ll admit, some part of me is truly relieved. I think it’s time to tell Yui.

Red texted Yui, he knew she couldn’t respond with a call, she’d be too busy at the restaurant she worked at in Arattani.

YO BIG SIS: You will find something new, we will figure it out, you got this, little,,, bro,,,,,!

DAENG-IT: Can I smoke?

YO BIG SIS: NO!!! but srsly, go explore, it’s nice there! ill see u late 2nite, im going out with the girls, 2nite,

DAENG-IT: i’m sorry. but u use too many commas.

YO BIG SIS: ,,,,,,,

I should stop bothering her, she’s most likely getting busy with lunch rolling in. I’m sorry for being such a big dope, Yui. The company was a disaster anyway—stand up meetings, where we actually had to stand up, and do ridiculous cheers in the morning. It was… Okay at first, but for someone like me, I can’t do that every day. Cold calling, meeting quotas, getting written up for not meeting the sales numbers—it sucked, sucked, sucked, so hard.

“Why don’t you start acting your own age?” Red recalled the moment he was fired, his superior had called him into the office. “We’ve received complaints about you taking a little too much time before each call.”

Red replied, “It was just the one—the last call I made, he-, he told me to jump off the roof of our building.” Our office is on the sixteenth floor, the roof is way over our heads—thirtieth?

“So, what? You’re going to get rejected, Daeng. You’re going to get rejected in all sorts of ways. That’s the business. They’re just words, man. Why don’t you start acting your own age, and get it together.”

“I just needed a little time.”

“Maybe you’re not cut out for this. You’re just not the team player we we’re looking for.”

Red spent the rest of the day at the park, then grabbed some chewy rice cakes dashed in some sweet and spicy sauce for lunch at a food stall, and finally, he visited a dream center toward the late afternoon. New Haewol was nicer, greener, had all the bells and whistles of an up and coming district. It was less restrictive than both Hlum Lang and Arattani and one of the perks of having a level two work visa was being able to travel here and visit places like dream center—a place where you could dream, virtually anyway. It was a lot like virtual reality, only they put you to sleep and you could connect with others through your dreams. It’s something I’ve always wanted to try, to see others, I could be a bird or a fish in a pond, watching someone else’s moment.

When Red entered the dream center, he was immediately greeted by a man in pink scrubs, “Welcome! Are you here for our neural-dream experience?”

He nodded, handing his level two work visa as an identification card.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, your work visa has been denied.”

Dang. They’ve already removed me from the system? It hasn’t even been a full work day yet.

“I’ll go.”

“…Sorry, you’re from Hlum Lang? Sir, you can’t be here.”

I said, I’ll go.

“Sir, you’re trespassing.”

What?

The dream center had called the authorities, Red tried to explain—he was just fired, but they had taken him in anyway. He wasn’t technically an official citizen of Ruam Mai, much like many from the lower pits, refugees from old scars of older nations. Inside the cell, Red sat with his back against the wall and waited hours, tapping his foot with his arms crossed. Time wilted away, Red started digging into the label of his drink, until they finally handed him his phone.

11:47 PM.

When I enter a room, I feel like I’m not well-liked. People are generally polite and kind, but it’s always only for the first few meetings. Why am I thinking about this now?

“Could you come pick me up?” Trance music was blasting through the phone, Red spoke up, repeating himself. Other voices mingling, laughing, drinking, and partying—Yui was listening.

“I… Uhh. Got into a little trouble and now I’m in jail?”

“Dude, what?! What happened? Sorry, it's so loud in here!”

Red explained, his work visa was revoked, he didn’t know and tried to go into a center, he’s down to his last half of Paradiso—they didn’t take kindly to that, and so, they threw me in a cell. “I’ve been here for hours.” He said, his fingers peeling on the label of his drink, “Could you please, just come pick me up, please. I need you sis.”

“I’ll be there. I love you, it’s going to be alright.”

“Yeah…” I’m sorry, I’ve been such a burden to you, lately.

But she never came.

Red was eventually released into the late night on account that his work visa was revoked that same day and he’d take a bus to get to Arattani by a bridge that stretched over a large river and connected to the sea—from New Haewol to Arattani. From there, he’d use the Rapid Transport all the way to the lower pits, usually to arrive home the late hour.

Tonight, the bus and the traffic that followed had stopped. Red himself was standing on the bridge. A car roared its horn with no end, emergency lights flashing, ocean waves crashing, the deep city skylines of Ruam Mai in the distance twinkling like stars stuck to slabs. Yui was in an accident, Red had been standing between a totaled vehicle and an ambulance, and not far from where he stood, there was a metal rail bent and ripped wide open—a hole that went into the waters below.

———————

Yui was on the way to get me.

Paramedics wheeled her into the ambulance and took her over to the nearest hospital. They stabilized her and would eventually try and transfer her to a hospital in Hlum Lang once they found out her status as a non-citizen of Ruam Mai, but Red was lucky—picked up a job at the old arcade on Panam street and got himself a level one work visa and was able to transfer her to Rangtana Hospital instead.

For the years to come, Red had tortured and blamed himself, while paying for Yui’s treatments and hospital stay.

She hasn’t woken up since.

———————

Once the automated door to Yui’s room was unlocked for visitors, Red himself, was on a nearby chair, wrapped in a blanket—he had fallen asleep in her room. It had been a long night and the entirety of the room was basked in the light of the sun, it made it ethereal in the waking hours. Red’s sister looked as if she was in a peaceful sleep, a dream worth remaining in.

He remembered, just hours ago, how he had been staring at her from the sliding door’s window—sobbing and thinking of the past. The terrible accident that had left her in a coma for the past couple of years. She was driving drunk to fetch him from New Haewol that night and had hit an oncoming car and caused a pile up on the long bridge that stretched over the river-sea.

Oddly enough, it was Li that had found him sitting on the ground at night with his back against Yui’s door. He squatted down to Red’s level and looked at him directly in the eyes and said, solemnly, “I, too, have a tragic backstory. I was—once—held back a year.”

Red was speechless, what the hell even was that?

Li then mentioned that everyone would meet on the rooftop at dawn and finished with, “It’s been a long night, get some rest little guy.”

———————

It was little past the hour of dawn now and Red tapped B2 on the vending machine across his own room—out came Paradiso, strawberry lemonade and tea mixed in a bottle for a refreshing getaway. He made his way up the stairs and out onto the roof with the blanket draped over his body, it fluttered in the low whistling wind like a cape.

Red wondered who, everyone, was.

Clumps of hazy cotton coated the morning sky with rays of sunlight poking through—like natural spotlights.

At the far side of the roof stood Thura squatted low—tinkering with the grounded drone and tapping away at his cyberdeck, Li faced outward with his slender arms over the parapet, and-

Blue hair?

-Pomi!?

Her deep blue hair was a beacon in the muted morning. They hadn’t noticed him approaching from the door to the stairs, but instead he felt the whisper of shame. Her body, it’s covered in bandages—she’s leaning on a crutch, I need to apologize, I need to-.

“The guy from the club!” she said, excited and teary-eyed, “You’re okay…”

She met Red halfway, stumbling forward with her crutches, she’d been cut along her upper leg and had an arm brace attached to a sling.

“Pomi, I-”

“Thank you. Li and Thura told me that you sent for me,” she scrunched her face with a smile, “they’re a little weird, but they’re alright.”

Red’s eyes welled up, and his short breaths seized with every little inhale and exhale. Suck it, suck it in! Seeing her cry—is going to make me cry—is going to make her cry! Suck it in! He scrunched his face, smiling back, sniffling, “I’m glad-.”

Ah, crap, I’m crying and now she’s crying.

“I’m crying and I don’t even know your name!” She laughed, wiping away her tears.

“You can call me—Red. Like your hair is blue, my name is Red.” Well it’s Daeng, but… Something feels right about this—is that cool? Was that cool? Am I being cool, in front of Pomi, right now?

“I’m Pomi.” She leaned on her crutch and stuck out her abled hand.

I don’t know if it’s because we started in the alley together or it’s because the brilliant rays of light behind her are beaming, but it’s like I have a true comrade in this stupid, stupid game. And now, we know each other’s names, officially. Red took her hand, and shook.

The drone whirred on with a BiiVVVVVVVVV sound and hovered a meter off the ground. just for a moment. Thura examined the drone locking onto Pomi from the screen of his cyberdeck. “This will have to do. Time for a briefing.”

———————

They gathered around Thura and, the now, resting drone—up close, it’s larger than I imagined. You’d need two people on either side to carry this thing—the body was about the size of a large backpack, four limbs protruded from the corners of the body, with several rotors attached to each one.

“What do you see?” Thura was looking at Red.

“Me?” What do I see? Uh… “It’s large…” Red squinted, you’d need a lot of power to fly this thing. The battery, itself was attached to the back and half the size of the body, but it’s been with us all night, so... “The battery—it’s low on energy.” Red eyed the tiny blinking yellow light underneath the battery.

“Yes. Although I've been able to hack the drone, I have limited control, but it’s not an issue for the mission.”

Thura flipped his cyberdeck around, presenting his screen, the drone was attached via custom cables to his custom computer. Estimated time remaining on the charge… It’s a little under two hours left?

“We’ll use this to pin-point those that organized the game.” Thura finished, Pomi rather confused like—how would that help pin-point their location?

“…Because it has to charge!” Red blurted, these things ate up energy and weren’t built to fly forever—at max, maybe like ten to twelve hours, and every drone had to have flone back at some point throughout the night—not this one, it’s been with us since.

“Right, this drone is set to auto-pilot, once it needs to go back. In rest mode, I was able to conserve some of its energy.”

Pomi added, “But how will you know, it goes back to the right place?”

These drones weren’t cheap, something this large, could easily cost close to the rest of my sister’s hospital bill, and they had twelve of them! I could probably sell one of these, and be home free! Although, not forever and probably not the plan…“They wouldn’t risk losing any of their drones, not these, anyway.” Red responded.

Thura nodded, “I suspect the same thing, Daeng—or was it Red?”

They mean the same thing. “Either is fine...” Red said, flushed.

“In any case, these things would go straight to where they came from—where they are located.”

“So we follow the drone and we find them!” Pomi said, pumped.

We’ll be able to put a stop to this, together! This weird hunt will be over, and-

“No,” Thura rose, standing up and crossed his arms, “only one of us.”

Thura explained, the remaining players serious about the game would be coming here at some point during the coming night, their last chance for the winnings. He went on further, “They will have noticed that I’ve been sifting through their app and stolen one of their drones. This puts a target on our backs—me, Pomi, and your sister—will be the main event and this hospital will be caught in the crossfire, along with everyone else here.”

“That’s horrible…” Pomi added.

She's right. So who’s going? It’s not Pomi, she’s way too hurt and not Thura, they’re onto him, maybe Li? It has to be Li, he’s the most capable of us all in terms of combat. He’s not even in the games—he’d be able go to undetected and probably wants to bash some heads, I think... He hasn’t said anything all morning.

“It’ll be you, Red.” Thura said.

“Me?” Red pointed at himself, ME?!!? “But I can’t, I mean, I don’t—I’m not, you’re—sure?”

Li grinned, turning his head, from the parapet to face the others—and Red.

“Yes. We’ll remain here—while you, will take this and disrupt their little operation.” Thura held up his own phone, “You only need to get close enough, turn on the blue tooth, and let me do the rest from here.”

“But what about Li?”

“I need him. He’s on guard duty—the players are coming here. I won’t be able to protect everyone on my own,” Thura gestured below, “that includes your sister.”

No way, no way, I can’t! I’m still getting over this flippin' fever and my chest still aches!

Thura laid out the remaining plan with the time they had left, “You’ll be playing dead, they won’t know you’re coming, and you’ll find the answer you’re looking for—but I won’t force you.”

I can’t. Left and right, Red shook his head repeatedly.

“…Li and I would likely survive the night, maybe even you and Pomi,” Thura’s eyes went cold again, “but as for everyone else—likely not. It’s your decision, Red. You wanted to know what you could do, this is what you can do.”

Was this even a choice!? I don’t know—I don’t know! Red felt pressure from within the bridge of his nose, “I...”

Li flipped around, leaned back against the parapet, and splayed both arms across the top, staring at Red—his eyes, why are they like that? Blood ran down Red’s nose. It’s the same, again, when he fought Bando and when he looked at me during the first time we met. Like he’s hungry or excited or something—it’s like he wants me to-

“Stop it,” Pomi interrupted, “you’re manipulating him. I can go too, it’s like you said, whoever goes would be playing dead. It doesn’t have to be Red. Nobody would be looking for me, if I was removed from the playerlist, right?”

“Wrong,” Thura replied, “you—they want on the livestream.”

Pomi and Thura had a back and forth, while Li gazed upon Red. The way his arms were splayed out, he was like a giant bird locked onto his prey, Red tensed up—his eyes, they’re starting to piss me off, it’s like he wants me to be scared—they all want me to be scared, everyone bigger than me.

Red smacked his palm hard against his face, and wiped the blood from his nose with the bottom of his palm, marking his own cheek, “I’ll do it." I’m shaking—stop shaking. It’s pissing me off! Why are they targetting Yui and Pomi?!

“It’s settled,” Li broke his silence, “I’m going to show you how to throw a punch, little guy.”

“It’s RED!” Feed the fire, dang it!

Nearly twelve hours remained, before sundown—before they came, the remaining fifty seven players.